retrospec | TEXT ♞ IT WASN'T ME, MA

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TEXT ♞ IT WASN'T ME, MA

If Retrospec gives you an item that you suspect is a murder weapon, what do you do with it? Should it be turned into the police or do you just keep it somewhere...? And what if you accidentally already got your fingerprints all over it...?

... hypothetically asking.

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Huh? No, I have not really heard of anything so far! I'm just aware of the titles we hold and that Hope's Peak is supposedly a fine school!

[Except for the fact that they let a pervert like his past self in.]

... okay, I don't want you to panic or anything but I think this is important for you to know.

There was a murder game that was running in the school. I don't know how many rounds took place or how many classes had to participate, but at least a few people died during it.

[um. what the fuck????]

A murder game. In an elite high school. I know that you wouldn't joke about something like this, but this doesn't make any sense!

[ surprise, here’s a giant bombshell on you out of nowhere ]

I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense but it’s true. You can ask Kyouko and Byakuya, or even Kaguya, about it.

I don’t know how they managed to do it but they seemed to have to trapped us in the school and told us that we can only leave if we murder someone. Kyouko remembers a few murders and I remember one. I don’t know if Kaguya or Byakuya remembers any but it really did happen.

I think this knife is from the murder I remember.

You're saying that in order to leave the school, we had to murder another student? That's... so completely nonsensical, I don't even know what to really say about that!

Then... you killed someone, Naegi?

No, of course not! I wouldn't have ever done something like that!

I didn't murder anyone but I remember that people tried to kill me and people dying because of the game.

R-right, of course not! I apologize for asking something like that in the first place!

But... we were all a bunch of high school students, right? Why would any of us try to murder each other? We should have been trusting each other and finding a different solution to our capture!

[Even his past self... Ishida does not think he was a murderer.]

I agree. We were all classmates so there was no reason for us to distrust each other and start playing along with the game. I wouldn't have believed that anyone actually went through with it until I got back those memories...

They must have felt cornered or trapped to go that far. I don't know the exact motives of why we were forced to play in it but I know that there were at least three rounds. Kyouko, Byakuya, and I were in two of those rounds.

And I was in one round.

Ngh, do you really want to recall as many memories as possible about our past lives? Remembering a high school death match doesn't seem like it would be helpful!

I know, but I don't think we should run away from the truth. These are still our past lives, even as painful as they are.

I think it'd bother me more if I don't get back my memories and know how everything ended. It might end badly but at least then I'll know for sure instead of thinking about all what-ifs and letting my imagination get the better of me.

[In the beginning, he was just wary about his past self's behavior, now he's worried about seeing people murdered in front of him. It's possible that his past self witnessed a friend getting killed and then he'll have to remember another close friend dying--]

Even if your past self ends up getting killed or seeing all of his friends die?!

You'll experience all the emotions he felt!!

[ it's not like naegi doesn't understand why people would want to turn away, to deny the

I know, Kiyotaka, and I know it'd be easier to pretend that these memories are fake or to reject them. I wouldn't blame anyone who'd want to believe that and I don't think anyone on the network would say anything either, but I can't ignore my memories.

At least for me, it feels like betraying the people in my memories. To say my memories are fake or refusing to accept them, it's like ignoring that the people in them ever existed. Even if it's hard to keep on going with these memories, I can't just ignore the people who died in them.

I don't think I can bring myself to forget them, even if I have to experience all the emotions my other self felt.

[For a while, he just stares at the text, unable to respond. What Naegi is saying isn't wrong... in fact, it's the right thing he should be doing, even if the memories are painful.

But he just doesn't want to witness someone dying, especially if he's the cause of it.

It takes a few minutes, but Ishida finally answers back.]

But they still existed even without us remembering everything! It's not like any of us would've remembered the killing game without Retrospec interfering with our lives!

They would have but for me, I want them to also exist in my memories. I don't want them to be forgotten and even if I'll have to remember all the pain and emotions that I had to go through from losing them, I still want to remember that I'll be glad that I was able to meet and know them.

That's just how I want to approach it. I'm not saying that my way should be everyone's way of handling it. Actually, I don't really know if there's truly a "right" or "wrong" way when it comes to these memories, so I think it's okay if you don't want to accept your memories or reject them. For something like this, with how Retrospec is handling it, no one will blame anyone if they want to handle their other lives in whatever way that works best with them. For me, this is how I'll be dealing with them and my reasons for doing so.

[There's an even longer break before Ishida responds again.]

You're a strong person, Makoto.

Thank you but I think you're giving me too much credit. I'm just a little more optimistic than most people when it comes to these sort of things.

But if you ever need to talk about your memories or anything at all, Kiyotaka, you know you can always contact me. I'm sure that Byakuya and Kyouko would be willing to listen as well.

Even so, that requires a certain amount of strength.

I appreciate that.

[He's not sure if he will talk, but it's nice to know that he has friends here. That's already more than he can ask for.]

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TEXT ♞ IT WASN'T ME, MA

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what happened to the other half of my bracket stuff DW WHAT HAPPENED

dw eats comments it's true

i thought we got rid of frank the goat when we left livejournal

frank never goes away