002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

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[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

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Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

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Comments

[me_matey]

how bout this lil guy?

[thebeastwithout]

aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww!

wait that's an octopus? it looks like... i dunno, like a video game enemy or something

[me_matey]

its totes legit bruh i found it on google

[thebeastwithout]

uh alright
i guess it doesn't really have tentacles so
that's why it's cute?

stubby

...anyway i'm definitely still cuter as a guy than as an octopus

[me_matey]

my dude u need to FORGET. THAT. NEGATIVITY.

if u cute then u cute, tentacle or whatever

[thebeastwithout]

ok so

is your advice just like 'pretend nothing's wrong and look at animal pictures' or like

do you have actual advice

like:
how do i put on clothes
how do i go to school
how do i not get picked up by the fbi for dissection and testing

[me_matey]

spoiler; ppl who dont got the retrospec app act like this kinda shit is normal.

[thebeastwithout]

why does everyone keep saying that when it's not true!!

my mom grounded me for life when my hair turned green

doctor dude says it takes a month before they stop noticing

so i gotta hide this for the next 30 days!

[me_matey]

well


uh



good luck?

[thebeastwithout]

gee thanks

ok well

i'm gonna go get a chainsaw

[me_matey]

pls dont turn this into a horror movie



well


any more of one

[thebeastwithout]

no it's fine
if i chop off my arm everyone will just think i got in a bad accident instead of that i'm slowly turning into some kinda monster

way better solution

i'm great at solving problems

[me_matey]

but u might bleed out

[thebeastwithout]

if i bleed out, don't gotta look at no octopus bits anymore

[me_matey]

ye cuz ull be dead

[thebeastwithout]

eeeeeeexactly







ok maybe there's one or two flaws in my plan
at least it's a plan!

[me_matey]

my dude this is a dumbass plan

[thebeastwithout]

well no one else is giving me a good plan!!

[me_matey]

just wear a scarf. its winter.

[thebeastwithout]

on my tentacle arm?
who wears a scarf wrapped all the way around their arm

[me_matey]

long scarf, long coat. either way anything that can cover ur arm.

basically, just hide it.

[thebeastwithout]

ok coat maybe but i still dunno how you're wearing your scarf

i don't have any big coats like that

i'll go steal something from a clothes store dumpster i guess

[me_matey]

where do y rest the tails of ur scarf? ur shoulder, bruh. distracts from the arm.

also aint nobody throwin out their coats. get some from the st. mary consignment store.

[thebeastwithout]

'i'll go steal from the consignment store' sounds a little worse than stealing from a dumpster but i guess it's fine

[me_matey]

steal from that specific store and ill hang u by that tentacle boy

just buy it, its cheap.