text | OTA

[idealest]

My name is Sakichi Niijima. This message is addressed to those of us still in Recollé.

Valentine's Day is approaching. Many of you had plans with members of the expeditionary teams that are no longer feasible, but all is not lost. I and Chiyo Matsuoka intend to deliver any parcels addressed to those expeditionary members, provided they are entrusted to us by February 14th. The Post Office is continuing its hold on all out-of-town mail, so do not send any of your gifts through traditional mailing methods.

Please reply if you have a letter or parcel you would like delivered, and we will arrange for a pick-up.


p.s. hi this is chiyo matsuoka!
like sakichi said we're going to do our best so valentine's day will be a little bit happier for everyone!
you have our word that we'll try our best to get gifts to where you want them!
if you're in a group that's out of the city i'm happy to do the reverse too!
paypal me at [insert some cute flower email here] if you have anything specific in mind!

[ something like a few hour later, an edit: ]

JOANNE SAID SHE WOULD HELP❣❣❣❣❣


(( OOC: This is an IC sister post to Ara's OOC Valentine's Gift Meme! If you respond to the OOC post with a gift your character would not be able to personally deliver, it may be assumed that Sakichi/Chiyo/Joanne helped make the delivery happen. All entrusted gifts will find their way to their intended recipients on Valentine's.

Unless addressed directly, responses will come from either Sakichi or Chiyo. ))

Comments

[frostythehitman]

who died and made you the post office
and what the hell do you mean joanne is helping
you mean like retrospec employee joanne???

[admiringly]

um... the main post office doesn't know about retrospec but sakichi is a post office worker
and yes that's what i mean! that joanne!

[frostythehitman]

[ KILL BILL SIREN PLAYS LOUDLY IN THE FOREGROUND ]

a retrospec employee and a post office employee teaming up to send people gifts
yeah fucking right
who came up with this bs idea
where the hell is this sakichi guy

[admiringly]

??
i did because a lot of people are away and i don't want them to feel like they can't take part in valentine'ss day
sakichi is teaming up with me not joanne
i asked him to help me
and i didn't start this thinking i'd have any help from her
but she contacted me because she said she noticed our plan

[frostythehitman]

and you just accepted that?
in case you forgot retrospec doesn't exactly have the best track record with sending us things
joanne's probably just using you as an excuse to send us poisoned gifts
did you think this through for even half a second

[admiringly]

i was going to try to do this with or without joanne's help but if she wanted to send poison she wouldn't need me?
i don't think she would though
at least retrospec gives us tickets that describe items and lets us return them into that mailbox now?

[frostythehitman]

who cares what you THINK
what we KNOW is that retrospec is a bunch of sick twisted bastards who like to ruin our lives for fun even if their employees like to pretend they don't mean to
and i'm telling you
joanne doesn't NEED you to send us poison
but isn't it that much easier when you can take a well meaning fellow app user's gifts and spike them with poison without anyone realizing it
or SOMETHING
there's no way this is strings free help she's up to something
retrospec NEVER helps us without wanting something in exchange
usually our suffering

[admiringly]

they're already getting our help though?
you are all out there
and even in the city they asked us for help and people (me included) are out there exploring
if they wanted to poison you couldn't they have done that there where we're out and away from everyone?
i'm not saying retrospec has never done anything wrong
but i don't want to think everyone is out to get me all the time
especially not on one of my favorite holidays
so i choose to believe them (or joanne only)
if you don't want to believe them that's ok! that's your right
other people can think the way you do too!
i'm sorry we disagree
they don't have to open or accept the gifts that get delivered
but i also can't sit around and do nothing?
people are treating this as a way to send care packages too and i want to support that
i'm sorry we disagree

[frostythehitman]

DO NOT say i am helping them

but sure fine whatever
do whatever you want
but don't be surprised when they turn on you

[admiringly]

ok i won't
and i won't be surprised either
because while i don't think they're looking out for all of us
i don't think poisoning us is something they do

please stay safe

[frostythehitman]

yeah whatever
you too
you need it more than i do

[idealest]

[ It looks like Chiyo has Sakichi's credentials covered, so Sakichi will skip that and go straight for: ]

Why are you so upset?

[frostythehitman]

[ there he is, the man of the hour himself ]

first off i'm not upset i'm ANGRY
second off, you work for the post office
do you actually deliver mail or do you hide out in the mailrooms all day like a coward

[idealest]

[ Hm. Sakichi can't say he's encountered this much mail-related hostility in his life. Unless you count dogs, in which case this James Barnes has at least not physically assaulted Sakichi outright. Yet.

But Sakichi believes most problems can be talked out! An attempt will be made. ]

"Because you work for the post office" isn't sufficient explanation for your anger.
Have we wronged you in some way?

[frostythehitman]

is fort mccoy part of your delivery route

[idealest]

Often, yes.

1/2

[frostythehitman]

you MOTHERFUCKER

[frostythehitman]

[ then, a minute later once he's successfully stopped himself from punching a hole through his wall: ]

you delivered a GUN and a HUMAN ARM to me you bastard

[idealest]

I agree that those aren't ideal items for shipment.
Unfortunately, packages are only inspected when there's reason to suspect their legality.
You should redirect your anger to the person who sent the package to you.

[frostythehitman]

oh yeah how convenient just redirect blame onto somebody else
just because retrospec sent the packages doesn't mean you didn't also drop them at my doorstep
i can be mad at both
why the hell was the post office working with retrospec ANYWAY huh
why don't we start there mr mailman

[idealest]

The Post Office works for any citizen who pays for postage. Retrospec is not an exception. We are a public service.
In addition, employing a third party has clearly spared Retrospec the trouble of its own workers being harassed.

I will be blunt, Mr. Barnes. I'm failing to see what redress you seek of me.

[frostythehitman]

[ well. he's not wrong. and it's not like the post office even delivers retrospec mail anymore anyway, so what CAN he demand of this guy at this point anyway? ]

i want to know everything you know about retrospec
considering how buddy buddy you are with them
like how come you just happily carried around all their body parts and weapons and god knows what other messed up crap they like to send out to us

[idealest]

I was only added to Retrospec this month. I highly doubt I have any more information than you do.
My inquiries at work have been fruitless. My co-workers seem completely unaware of Retrospec as a company.
To your last point, if I ever knew a parcel in my care was illegal, I would be far from happy about it.

[ Sakichi is just about as lawful as they come... ]

Did you report your gun and arm to the police?

[frostythehitman]

[ Of course. No one has any answers. No one ever has any answers about anything. James wants to punch this guy in the face for literally no reason other than not being a punchable target. ]

great
good to know
not like it helped any of us anyway

yeah i reported the arm to the police
after i was arrested for being in possession of a dismembered arm
like somehow it was MY fault i ended up with the damn thing

[idealest]

My condolences.
Having to answer for the unwanted possession of an illegal item certainly is frustrating.

[ How could Sakichi possibly relate. ]

What happened to the arm after that?