retrospec

[And he really doesn't want other people seeing this conversation, so this is when Zaveid switches to DMs.]

When two malakhim exchange their true names, it's a declaration of love. Possibly more than that?

You and I did that, in our past lives.

[And this life too, uh.]

[Isaac doesn't respond for a bit. Maybe it would be natural that there would be a bit of a lag from him because, well, this is a little embarrassing and he knows Zaveid wouldn't lie.

But Zaveid probably knows he'd bite back with something crude. But no. There's silence.

There's no response. For five minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes.

Maybe he's with a customer. You know, that's pretty normal. But even then he's the type to respond with "helping someone, brb". Even if it were just a ruse to get everything together.

And it's become clear... he can't do this through DMs. This... needs to be talked about in person and with a lot of alcohol. He's confused. He's mad. He hurts.

He feels like he's lost all hope.]

Are you free tonight? I just remembered something in connection with what you told me... And it's not pretty.

['Consider it revenge for Theodora. I'll be the one who finally puts you out of your misery. But I'll only kill you once you stopped being yourself... Only then.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah. I swear by my true name, Fylk Zahdeya... Zaveid, the Oathkeeper'.]

[There's so much going through his head, he doesn't even mind how long it's taking Isaac to respond.]

Yeah, I'm free.

I figure we're both going to need a lot of booze.

Yeah, we will. You can come to my place or I can come to yours. I might end up closing up shop early because I can't concentrate.

[He can actually barely breathe right now and it's amazing he's not typoing. It feels like he just got hit with a truck.]

I'll stop by your place.

The cats might sense something's wrong otherwise, you know how they can be.

Yeah. Just come over whenever.
/
i'm closing up shop noow.

[Yeah, you know it's bad if he doesn't even care to double check his message to fix typos.]

Be right there.

[Because wow is that a bad sign. It's a good thing he can get to Isaac's quickly, because it's not long before he's knocking on the door.]

[He's there pretty quickly and he pulls out all the alcohol he has. Whiskey and rums are his favorites based on his collection he has, from cheap brands to high named brands he only pulls out on special occasions.

This is a 'special' occasion, alright...

He hasn't even bothered to get glasses out and is drinking straight from the bottle.

Also the door to his place is ajar.

Yeah, this is a bad sign.

A really bad sign.

His shirt is slightly unbuttoned and he already looks a little disheveled.

Zaveid has three guesses as to what Isaac remembered and the first two don't count.]

[Oh, he knows. He can tell just from how Isaac looks, as he shuts the door behind him. It's not a good look, but Zaveid doesn't know what-- if anything-- he can say.

He doesn't smile, he can't bring himself to even bothering to fake it, but he does watch Isaac for a long moment.]

Hey.

[His shoulders rise and then relax as he takes a deep breath before looking towards Zaveid. He sees him there, but there are no words to express what he feels right now.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Fear.

Uncertainty.

Just where does he start?

When Zaveid greets him his mouth opens and then shuts as he thinks to say some sort of greeting and instead nothing comes out as he looks back down at the table.]

I killed her. You're going to kill me.

[He takes a shaky breath.]

I'm going to become a dragon... aren't I?

[He doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He bows his head, reaching out to grab for the bottle in Isaac's hand. He doesn't want to cry, he can't let himself.

It was so much easier when he was just some guy working at a pawn shop best friends with someone who owns a different pawn shop.]

.....Yeah.

[He doesn't know what to say. He feels so hollow, so dead inside.]

She became a dragon. You turn into a dragon. There's nothing I can do to save the people I care about.

[The grip on the bottle is loose, so it's not difficult for Zaveid to grab the bottle out of Isaac's hand. He feels so empty right now as these truths just suddenly came to him. The Eizen in his visions and the Zaveid were so calm.

How?

All he can feel is panic.

What if that happened here? What would happen if he lost his mind and became a dragon here?

That terrifies him.

It terrifies him more than dying.]

There may have been nothing you could have done.

[He takes a big drink from the bottle before pulling it away. They should be careful, or else they're going to end up even worse off. Not that Zaveid can think of ways that for this to get worse.]

No. Probably not.

[He brings a hand to his forehead, rubbing at his temple.]

The more I remember, the more I wish I didn't know anything at all.

[What does he do now? What can he do?]

If something happened to you here, I... I don't know what I'd do.

[If something happened to him here...

Isaac's not dumb that he can't connect the dots. The things that Zaveid has said and with their past life and exchanging their true names. The fact that they exchanged their names in their past lives knowing that meant they were saying they'd devote to each other.

That they'd keep this promise.

They were close.

That much is clear.

It probably wouldn't be too far off to say that they loved each other.

So that combined with it all, Isaac doesn't know what to do.

Isaac McKinstry doesn't know how to do this relationship thing yet it's all he can feel falling back on right now. Zaveid is the only person who here and in his past life could depend on.

He promised.

He promised.

All these emotions, Isaac doesn't know how to deal with them. It's too much. It's overwhelming.

But he does know one thing. He doesn't want to be alone right now.]

I don't know if something will happen to me here, but... for now, I'd like you to at least stay with me.

[He takes a shaky breath as he takes the bottle of alcohol back and takes a few gulps from it.]

I don't want to be alone... if I'm allowed make that selfish request of you.

[He doesn't know what to do, doesn't think he could even put it into words if he wanted to. There's too much for Zaveid to unpack-- is there even a difference between himself and his past self, now?

Just a few months ago, he would have said no, of course not.

But now he's not so sure.]

Of course.

[He's dealt with one secret for too long, only for it to be replaced with one even worse than the last.

But Isaac is here right now. That's something, isn't it?]

Of course I'll stay.

[He sets the bottle aside, reaching out to lay a hand on Isaac's shoulder.]

[That reassurance means a lot to him. It's what he needs right now in this time of weakness. In this time where he doesn't know how to handle it and he doesn't know who to go to in an attempt to talk all of this out.

Finding out what he is and now just bad news after bad news in just a few days...

...but someone still loved him.

...there's something uplifting about that.

He's not sure how it works, but he doesn't want to think about that right now. About the logic, especially with how any and all thoughts are just swirling in his head and refusing to make sense.

No, the only thing clear is the vivid memory that keeps replaying over... and over... and over...]

Thank you.

[He places a hand over Zaveid's that's on his shoulder, almost like he's trying to reassure himself someone is there.]

[He loves Isaac. He's not sure if he can admit that out loud right now, but it's true. Maybe it's been true since before all of this started, who knows.

Whatever happens next, he doesn't know. He doesn't even care-- they'll get through this. Zaveid pulls Isaac into a guy, not moving the hand touching Isaac's shoulder.]

Yeah. Don't mention it.

[Hugs. He's not used to hugs from people that aren't his parents or his sisters. Embraces that lead to more are one thing, but hugs are different. This is a hug of comfort. A hug that says 'I'm here for you' without works.

There's no ulterior motives.

For a moment, he doesn't move, not really sure how to handle this.

Should he be the one being comforted? Or should he be comforting Zaveid?

After a moment, Isaac takes his free arm and wraps it around Zaveid loosely.]

How long have you known about all of this?

[His voice is soft, unsure, cracking, but he wants to know.

How long have people been keeping this secret from him... so he wouldn't know this pain?]

I've known about dragons and Theodora since... August, I think.

[It's only after voicing that, that Zaveid realizes just how long he's been keeping it from Isaac.]

But I only found out about you recently.

I'm sorry...

[Honestly, he's not sure what else to say here. Sorry about Theodora? Sorry Zaveid felt forced to keep this secret to keep things amiable between the two of them?

There's so much he feels he should be apologizing for just based on who he used to be.

But for now he pulls back from the embrace. Not because it's uncomfortable, but because if he stays in it any longer, he's not sure what he'll do. If he'll break down and become more vulnerable, or if he'll try to make some kind of unnecessary move that would only complicate things right now.

So back to alcohol it is. Maybe if he drinks enough, he can forget this bullshit.]

C'mon.

[He motions for Isaac to join him in sitting on the couch, sitting at a nearby table, something like that. So they don't have to continue standing awkwardly, and be able to drink more without getting too worried about injury.]

This is still so much to take in.

[He'll go to his couch as motioned, taking a few bottles of liquor with him to set on the coffee table. Um.

He'll die of liver poisoning before he dies from being a dragon, at this rate, but he doesn't care.

Or if he becomes full Malak, that shit won't even matter.

Hah...

....hahahaha.

So he falls back on the couch, practically plopping there and immediately taking a bottle of rum from the table and opening it-- and immediately starts taking a few gulps.

...good thing the bathroom is nearby in case his poor stomach can't handle this.

At least there's not tequila here to fuck everything up.

Isaac McKinstry is an adult that doesn't handle things well... apparently.

Even if this is some really fucking heavy stuff.]

[Zaveid is pretty content to sit in silence at the moment. He runs everything he's remembered through his head. There's no real way to deal with this sort of thing.

How did Sorey manage to keep it hidden for so long?

At least he knows his way around Isaac's apartment well enough for this to not be completely awkward.]

....I'm not sure I want to restore a world if it means Malakhim end up in danger because of it.

[Isaac's already starting to flush a bit and his eyes are glazing over. The alcohol is taking effect and he can feel the numbness set in.

This isn't a remedy, and he knows it, but it's a temporary solution.]

Maybe I'm the only one that... that ends up in danger. It seemed like it.

[Another gulp of alcohol.]

And I seemed okay with it. I accepted it. I want to know why. Who was this Eizen who accepted this fate? Who was the Zaveid that seemed perfectly okay in that moment to promise to kill him?

[Well, he's getting to be the reflective drunk tonight...]

Who were we, Zaveid?

You weren't the only one. Theodora, also...

[Is it strange to grieve for a woman he barely remembers?

But he grabs his own drink just the same, taking a big swig of it before he considers Isaac's question.]

I guess we have to face the fact that we weren't human. We were some sort of magical spirits, capable of affecting people around us just by existing. We all are connected to the elements-- fire, earth, wind, fire. We live incredibly long lives, and are invisible to most people.

And somehow we didn't go insane.

[He lets out a long, low sigh.]

We're basically aliens who have thought they were human the whole time.

Isaac McKinstry March 5 near Pawn Promotion
So, question for everyone. If you’re a magical being of some sort that supposedly blesses people, but you’re also known as a Reaper, what do you think that exactly means?

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