retrospec

I honestly don't know. I mean, I would rather be a blessing, but why should I be happy if my blessing to others is death?

Wouldn't that upset anyone?

But you seem rather intrigued by this, so I'll pick your brain.

How would you feel if you found out you were like this? Someone called a Reaper?

If that is all you can give, why not feel happy that you have allowed others to pass peacefully?
It could, but you're only thinking of the end for one.
You're not thinking of how you could grant peace to others.

Please do. I would love to help.

I'm going to preface that by saying that my feelings are very outside what normal people feel.
But I suppose relieved.

You look human, Isaac McKinstry.
That may not always be the case as you regain more of yourself.
But you have humanity within you.
Wouldn't you rather have someone that has humanity within you come to let you die than an indifferent monster?

If I could allow others to pass peacefully, I probably would be happy. Especially if they were suffering. I know I would want someone to put me out of my misery if I were suffering or if I ended up becoming a monster.

But you're right about one thing. Right now, I'm still human. I don't know if that will change in the future, if I become this Reaper or if I change entirely... perhaps into some kind of indifferent monster.

If the latter ever happened, then I would certainly hope someone would put me out of my misery and grant me a peaceful death.

Don't be so melodramatic.

The people that remember you called you someone who gave blessings.
You would not be an indifferent monster.
You would be one that guided those safely to sleep rather than violently took their souls.
If the people gave you such a soft description, you had a different kind of humanity within you.

I'm not being melodramatic.

I'm just remembering some shit right now and it's making it easier to process. I mean, that's why we talk about stuff in hopes that it can trigger a memory, right?

Though you really make this stuff sound pretty damn romantic.

I triggered a memory for you?

Is that why you use this app?
I thought I was merely offering some moral support.

No. I merely see no reason why someone should destroy themselves without seeing that there may be no reason for such destruction.

I'm not sure if it's moral support, but it's helping in its own odd way.

And yeah, you may have helped trigger something. Though I'm not sure if it was you or the others I've been speaking to on this topic. As a result, I want to keep talking about it because I want to know more. Yet, the more I learn, the more I'm finding out my previous life may have been a hellhole.

It's like watching a trainwreck-- except that trainwreck was my life.

Something I have heard often.

So?
I'll share what I said to someone else, if you don't mind recycled advice.
Is your life now a trainwreck?
I suppose that is too personal a question to ask, but still... are you unhappy with it?
The memories we regain are who we could be, yes, but they are not yet who we are.
Allow me to be poetic and say, if you cling too much to the past and those unsettling and unfortunate memories, you'll no longer be able to see the fortune you have in front of you.

I'm not unhappy with my life here, but I'm unhappy with who I'm becoming as a result of who I used to be.

Maybe there is fortune in front of us, but for some of us our past lives are making it so it's more difficult to grab it.

Because let's be honest, is there really a difference between who we are now and who we used to be if we're the same souls? Of course environment is going to change our personalities a bit, but at the end of the day, we're going to mostly be the same person, especially as memories return and shape us.

[ BOI, YOU ARE SPEAKING TO THE CHOIR ON THAT ONE. ]

There is a difference.
Indeed, we are the same souls and we are the same people, deep down.
But we were born human.
You may have been a magical human being, but you were born human.
You were raised part of humanity.
That, too, changed how you shall see the world.
Your life may have been difficult but the one now is not so, as you say.
You are someone who was said to have blessed others in your past life, and whether that is due to the people misunderstanding your true nature or not; it is what you know is fact.
If this is true, regardless of how painful a life you lead, you gave light to others.
And so, is there really no reason to not hold onto hope for yourself?

Edited (... i missed a word and that changed the question. whomp whomp.) 2018-03-07 14:05 (UTC)

It's true that being born human is going to shape me differently than being born what I was. It's true that I'm going to live my life as humanly as possible because that's all I want.

Though am I really a blessing?

"Sometimes, to kill someone is to save them." Is that really a creed to live by?

Was I just someone who took those burdens on myself as a Reaper?

In my visions, my past self almost seems confident in who he is. So maybe that's a reason to hold out hope. In hopes that my past self wasn't awful, but someone who accepted his circumstances.

It is a cold creed to live by for certain, but it is not unkind.
Your desire is to save someone.
Even if it is from themselves.
There are some pieces of garbage that do not even deserve that level of kindness yet you still thought to save them.
It is better than saying: "There are some that deserve to die." See the difference?

The burdens of death are heavy.
I won't deny that they aren't.
But it seems your past self did not ever see them as burdens to begin with.
He was confident because it was not a chore.
It was not a strain or painful existence.
He made it so.
There was never a burden, and so what could have been a heavy weight became a blessing.
So I assume.

That could be it. He saw it as a sense of salvation for those who couldn't be allowed a peaceful death. That it was something only he could do.

It might explain the confidence.

Indeed.
He accepted it as his duty.
There was no reason to dread his existence.
There was no reason to doubt his existence.
That was what his life was.
And so it became something more to others that looked upon him.

Still morbid, but I guess I can accept it if that's how Eizen thought.

It makes this easier to process.

Is that his name?
Interesting.

And it is good that I could make things easier for you, Isaac McKinstry.

Edited (... 'cause he isn't happy and that's a lie; kei doesn't lie about his own happiness) 2018-03-07 21:55 (UTC)

Isaac.

Just Isaac please.

Very well, Isaac.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

You're welcome.
And you can call me "Kei," if you like.

Alright, Kei.

If you ever want to talk in person, I run Pawn Promotion. Feel free to stop by.

[#shamelessplug]

Edited 2018-03-07 22:37 (UTC)

Of course.
Though ... Pawn Promotion, what sort of store is that?

It's a pawn shop.

Makes sense.
I had got into my head that it was related to chess pieces and tried to think of what sort of business that would be.
Sometimes an apple is just an apple, though, hm?

I mean it sort of is a chess pun because you can bring you stuff in to get money or better stuff, so it's like promoting a pawn in a sense.

Maybe.

Isaac McKinstry March 5 near Pawn Promotion
So, question for everyone. If you’re a magical being of some sort that supposedly blesses people, but you’re also known as a Reaper, what do you think that exactly means?

no subject

phone typo :V

/pats. it happens to all of us ♥

blessed soul ♥

♥♥♥ we are all human and all understand

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject