retrospec | forward-dated to 2/5

[Freya leans back on her elbows, looking up at the ceiling and slowly shaking her head.]

What even'd be equivalent exchange for that? [Well, she's probably got something buried in Fang's past since that seemed to be one whole trauma train of struggle and suffering, but as far as Freya could tell, her other self had remained all in one piece.]

You sick of telling people what happened yet? [Of course Anna explained it on the network in plain public sight, but. It seemed better to hear it directly from her, if she felt inclined.]

[Jeez, with Anna this out of it, she's surprised she even asked her to come over. It really couldn't wait a day or something? What could possibly be so important to talk about?]

Relax, man, you know I'm a lazy shit. It's a real miracle I've kept my job at all. [But she sets the beer case down as she takes a seat on the chair. Seems like it'd be best to let Anna just keep her bed.] So, what's up?

u have the cool protag design & everything sorry

For what? That I got fucked up? It happens.

So.

[maybe it's bigger in her head. maybe it's bigger because she lived it, but she knows if she sat on this then she wouldn't ever say anything to Rose about it. her head turns to face her while she talks.]

When I was down there, something stole your voice and started trying to talk to me. I don't know what it was, because I never looked. [seemed like the kind of thing where she'd get her face stolen or something if she had.] But it was definitely some kind of illusion, which means Vanderweele knew I was down there and he knew he could use you to get to me.

[but that's not what she wants to bring up. she turns her head, setting that dead-eyed stare to the TV. someone's rising in the frame, but she doesn't care.]

The door to the lab that all this stuff was inside was locked, and I needed to give something up to get inside. One of the last things not-you said to me was that you'd kill anyone to get what you need, and what I needed was to show Vanderweele I wasn't fucking scared of him. [usually a bold statement, but right now it sounds as lifeless as anything else.] I was lucky enough to get back what I sacrificed, but I had no idea if I would. And I figured since everything we do is based on memories lately, it was pretty obvious what I had to give up.

[and she looks back over at Rose.]

Nope.

[yeah. but she didn't exactly go into detail on the network, and Freya is... she's Frey. come on. what's Anna gonna do, keep her in the dark for months at a time and blindside her with all kinds of new information all at once?]

I went down into the sixth layer to get into a lab where they were doing soul experiments. I got a bunch of different memories from people while I was in there, and then I got sucked into a giant brain monster and had to fight my way out.

[she's talking at a measured, reasonable pace, like she has any clue what exactly she's saying. but this is beyond the pale even for her.]

Then the brain took my eye after I killed it.

[You know what. Look. She was internally dealing with a lot of stuff and got really busy, okay, and then that weird two-month haze in their memories happened and... shut up.]

[A breath whistles out of Freya. Where does she even start with that?]

It got your eye after you axed it. [It's not really a question. A beat, then,] That shit's weird, even by the golden standard we usually deal with.

[Anna nods slowly, still not totally there. this is all just kind of a fact of what her life has been like for the past few days. the past few hours. time is hard and so is focusing.]

Yeah. I couldn't... remember who I was. Zee said something about how it was because I had so many souls trying to cram themselves inside me while I was down there. [something like that. she blinks her eye slowly and turns to face the window.] I think it's what Vanderweele wants to do to us. Blend a bunch of souls together and make... some übermensch or something.

[Freya glances at Anna, considering that. So many souls that she forgot who she was, huh. Given that on some days, Freya's having a hard enough time with her own soul twisting and re-calibrating or whatever, it was hard to imagine an unspecified number of them trying to buy real estate.]

[After a quiet moment,] You okay? Not the eye. The soul roulette.

[So many of them had such winning souls from back home, she would bet the unused ones were, too.]

[and that gives her pause. it's not the question she thought she'd get from anyone, much less Freya, and... to tell the truth, it takes her longer than she wants to recall what the soul roulette was right.]

There was a girl whose grandmother made her a wreath of white flowers. [she's got that same lifeless tone even if her words are a little nicer.] And I remembered that girl as a kid and an adult, in a burned-out trailer where she was just trying to live. And someone came by begging for just one flower for his sick daughter, and she fought him off with two giant swords. [and she smiles weakly, but it's more emotion than she's shown this whole time.]

It really felt like I was that girl. Or like I was... other androids that I remember. You know A2 had a girlfriend? I remembered everything about her a few months ago.

[Well, don't let it be said that Anna's life didn't have a theme. Even when it wasn't about her, it still somehow seemed to revolve around giant, overcompensating swords.]

[But a smile was good--probably. Freya had a slight sinking feeling over where this was going, but. Who knows, maybe this wasn't going to be a tragedy for once.]

[Right. Sure.]

That so? [It's a casual urging on, an opening to let Anna ramble if she wanted.]

... Well, when you put it like that, there's really only one option. [That's. Cool. It should probably mean something that she's important enough to Anna that Vanderweele would pick her of all people to be some kind of sacrifice. Instead she thinks about how she almost lost her best friend. Again.] Glad to know the guy can get my brand of asshole down in some weird fake me, I guess.

[She'd kill anyone to get what she needs... How true is that? It sounds more like Zero. —But she has to be past the point of pretending that she's nothing like Zero, doesn't she? If it sounds like Zero, then it probably sounds like her, too.]

But obviously you got it back. It's all good now, right?

He fucked with your head at every corner.

It's what he does.

Look, I didn't want anyone else to deal with the consequences if it went south. Which I'd say it fucking did. And having more people there wouldn't have saved my eye.

Yeah. Her name was No.4. [and she says it all out, "number four", and it's the first time she can think saying her name and images of her flash into her head from A2's memories. her smiling face. the determination in her... eye. she had an eyepatch, too. ha.]

She had this... unbelievably cheerful way of going about everything. She loved being on the Pearl Harbor mission, seeing places, talking to new people. She was A2's subordinate, but they really did care about each other. [she doesn't want to get sappy right now; it doesn't fit her mood, and she has one more thing to say, too.] She... set the black box inside her to explode and sacrificed herself to save A2's life. I guess I'm really not supposed to have a girlfriend, huh?

[Pen watches intently and listens just as intently, and...hell, when it's done she clicks her tongue and reaches out to adjust the strip of cloth a bit better.]

Sorry. You were a little lopsided.

[Leaning back in her seat, she offers what she hopes is a sympathetic smile.]

I don't know much about how super-advanced android hearts work either, but I hope you aren't expecting that to bother me because I'll disappoint you. I can't really say you feel any different from the last time we talked, but you don't have to be nervous around me. You're still a hot, tall girl. Now you're a hot tall robot girl. It's just an extra adjective.

Yeah. It's good now, you're back now. I didn't forget anything. But I remember thinking that if I wasn't going to get you back, I'd just have to start over and do it right this time.

[she doesn't know what that means, or even why she's telling Rose about it. but now that she is talking about it, it's kind of becoming. real. in her head.]

Jesus christ, I nearly lost you to show off my big dick energy to an evil wizard. [a scoff, exhausted and self-directed.] I deserve to lose an eye for being such a fucking idiot.

[it's the kind of thing that would get a dry laugh out of Anna under normal circumstances, but right now Pen should count herself lucky for the grin she gets, especially after Anna let her get close enough to basically touch her face.]

What, you into girls with missing body parts, too? [a puff of air comes out through her nose and yeah, it also would've been a laugh.] I don't even know how I'm alive right now, Pen. I don't have blood anymore. I think it's all wires? [she's not sure. doesn't want to know.] I can't get drunk or high, I know that much.

it happens but its still bad & people should b sorry 2 hear it esp people ur helping

Zee was sorry for it. I don't think everyone else knows how much I helped yet.

I don't think I know how much I helped yet.

zees good people im sure it was important

He is. Here's hoping I made a difference.

Bosuma might stop fucking with people as much now, at least.

thatd be nice bosumas the 1 with the witch right??

Everyone keeps talking about the witch. I must have missed her. There were just a ton of flowers last time I was there.

Well, there was a shitload of nothing the LAST time I was there. But the last time before I went layer-diving.

whats wrong with the flowers

forward-dated to 2/5

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