retrospec | forward-dated to 2/5

[ha. yeah. well. she only remembers No.4, she doesn't remember any of the... context or anything. she was there, she rose to her feet, she ran forward, she blew herself up. what's Anna to think? not that she has the time to think about No.4 too hard right now without things getting dark and mopey. and she knows Freya doesn't mean anything by that, and she doesn't let herself take it too personally. not right now.]

Most of A2's life was rough. Her entire squadron got infected by a logic virus and she had to watch all of them die. Or be killed. She was the only one who survived, and I guess now I know just what she lost.

[she legitimately can't remember right now if she's told Freya this. she feels like she has, but it's just as impossible to focus now as it was a handful of minutes ago.]

I think the girl with the flowers had a rough life, too, but I didn't have her in there long enough to tell. I don't think anyone from A2's world was happy. [a dry, utterly dead laugh.] Wonder what tipped me off.

[She's mentioned the dead squad bit before, in passing, but there's plenty of new enough details in there for Freya not to mention it.]

I've got no idea what a logic virus is, but I supposed it doesn't change a damn thing--watchin' people die's the same.

[Freya takes a breath, not quite sighing. After a moment, she adds,] Don't get lost in it, yeah? This is your world, now. I know you probably don't need to be told, but the reminder never hurts--not when all that shit's fresh in your head and feels like it happened yesterday.

[Anna laughs bitterly, only a couple sounds in a too-tired throat. yeah, Frey's right, Frey's always been right this entire time and she appreciates knowing her and wouldn't want to do anything to change that, but sometimes she has this way of saying exactly the right thing.]

It did happen yesterday. Dragged my ass over to Zee's this morning fresh from the sixth layer. Forced myself to shower and eat some of the shit I had lying around, at least, but I feel like I've been awake for fucking days. [because she more or less has been.]

[She snorts.] I meant the memories. A2's world.

[It came out harsher than she meant; it wasn't even really about anything. Something about that bitter laugh grated on Freya's nerves in a way that escaped her.]

[She sat up, running both hands through her hair idly and feeling a twist of guilt about contributing tension where there wasn't any. It it hit her, why she hated that laugh; it was one Freya herself sometimes made. They really were too damned similar, sometimes.]

Gonna take a stab and guess you'd be asleep if you could. [Her tone was casual again, and Freya made a conscious effort to keep it that way this time.]

[Anna doesn't even seem to notice. or if she does, she's too exhausted to say anything, because, like, who wouldn't be angry at her right now? especially if they care about her. she went out there and lost an eye for something that she's not even sure they can do anything with yet.]

You know it. [she can't pretend to be casual right now. good on Freya for pulling it off.] I still don't even know what I'm gonna see when I close my... [ah.]

[Freya decides not to acknowledge the elephant that was~~n't~~ in the room.]

Want me to call Pen back? She can put you in a magical, nightmare-free sleep--at least for a little while.

It's... I'll be fine. [Anna shakes her head. it's a kind offer, and probably one she should take, but she's. she doesn't want to.]

She already offered to cast a bunch of spells on me for the next time I head out there and I still don't know how I feel about it. It's probably the smart thing to do, but... like, I couldn't even stay on brain pills because I didn't like what they did to me. Only reason I let you give that earlier spell a try is because you're you and it was just one spell.

[Because she's her, huh? Usually people said something like that to excuse something stupid Freya's done.]

Careful now; it almost sounds like you're gonna add to my list of people that tell me I make 'em feel safe.

[A shrug.]

Give it a thought sometime. Long as you've still got some fleshy bits, sleep's an important part of healing. I know she wouldn't mind; Pen drove around doin' a nightmare-free service for what felt like half of the Specters one October.

[ha. yeah. that's what it sounds like, huh? Anna figured she was already on it by now, but she'll leave it unsaid for the moment. don't want to make this any more uncomfortable.]

I don't usually get nightmares that bad anymore, but I don't usually lose body parts without getting something back either, I guess. [it really wasn't a good time when she lost her heart, but knowing she still had something there instead did at least help a little.]

Pen knows what she's doing. I just need to trust her. I'll think about it.

[Anna was probably half on that list already; there was something about it being explicitly said that felt like some sort of entrusted responsibility that Freya couldn't betray.]

[Anna's tendency for recklessness would make that complicated. For now, Freya hums at her friend's answer, satisfied. Then she glances at her, curiously tilting her head.]

How'd you even get to the sixth layer, anyway?

Walked.

[what a helpful answer! don't worry, she'll get there.]

There was this gate, like, right on the edge of Bosuma. I guess like the silver doors everybody's been going into and out of lately? Zee helped me get in, and then I was just... there. And everything was. [she's trying to remember, and she's got a clear picture in her head, but it's hard to describe.] There wasn't anything there, but it felt like something wanted me to be there. Like I was the only person who had been down there in years and they were waiting for me.

Huh.

[All good info. Probably inaccessible without Zee or someone else behind the scenes, but still good info nonetheless.]

Feel more like a trap kinda waiting for you, or eager to see something else alive?

A little of both. Vanderweele was definitely trying to get to me down there and everything seemed like it went... too smoothly for it not to be planned out. Like when something stole Rose's voice and snuck up behind me and kept trying to get me to turn around.

[and she'll have to talk to Rose about basically all of that if she can get her out of the apartment and over here, but that's for another time.]

But the brain felt like it was looking for more memories to take. Like it had been waiting down there for god knows how long and I just happened to be its last meal.

[Freya's brow knit together. She tried to ignore the chill that ran down her spine.]

You think this brain-thing was hunting like an angler fish.

[She chewed on that a moment, liking the thought less and less. Fang's part of her instincts screamed at her, a half-remembered life of being at the near bottom of the food chain shoving hypotheticals at her.]

...too smoothly, huh? [Freya looked straight ahead at the wall.] Here's to hoping you didn't let something out, or bring something with you.

Yeah.

[her mind immediately flit back to the microchip she'd found inside the rapidly desiccating corpse of the brain. the one she'd handed off to Zee, the one they'd both suspected was a tracking device. like someone's pet. worry knotted her brow, but she looked like such shit already that she prayed it didn't show too much.]

If it was one of Vanderweele's pets, he already knows how to find us. I'm more worried if it was a native. We don't know what the fuck is supposed to be down there.

Well, if you feel or notice anything weirder than usual, don't sit on it, yeah?

[Fortunate for Anna then that Freya wasn't looking at her at the moment.]

I wouldn't be surprised if us openin' up more layers is a two-way street. You think any of this is related to what happened to the staffers? Them turnin' into sleepers?

Maybe. The brain was taking away the stuff I remembered from A2's life.

[it works, though. if that brain was hunting for memories, if it was still alive after however long it spent down there—weren't those IVs filled?—then it was probably still feeding on things. who else would it want for prey?]

With it dead, that could mean Vanderweele can't scramble anyone's heads anymore. Could mean he'll just have to get more creative. Or maybe I just gave him another opening. I don't know yet.

[It's a lot to chew on. This stuff is way beyond her depth.]

Guess there's no point in workin' ourselves into a worry. Just... keep your guard up. [Hey look be proud she didn't say "keep an eye out."]

You need you time, or you want me to stick around for a bit?

I don't know what I need right now.

[she needs her eye back, she doesn't say. that one's obvious and it's not helpful to be bitter anyway. no matter how much she's feeling it.]

I think I'm gonna try to invite Rose over. See if she's up for talking about all of this. And that stuff I talked about last month.

forward-dated to 2/5

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