Anna Amarande (
hauntedsavior) wrote in
retrospec2019-02-03 09:16 am
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forward-dated to 2/5
[this is the first time anyone's seen Anna around on the network since the beginning of the month, and the first time she's been back in the city since Saturday. she went on an adventure.]
Maybe stay away from Bosuma for a while.
Anyone know where to get eyepatches? Asking for a friend.
Maybe stay away from Bosuma for a while.
Anyone know where to get eyepatches? Asking for a friend.
no subject
It's fine. [she can't even make herself be sarcastic. just. detached, like this.] Thanks. For showing up. I know you probably have a lot of shit going on that doesn't involve me. [and there's a pause. if she laid on the self-pity here, Rose would definitely kick her ass, and she didn't have the energy to fire back the way she usually did. best to just cut it here.]
You should sit down. This might be some shit. [there's a chair or her bed, she's not picky which. Anna's on the right side of her futon and she'll move if Rose asks her to, but she still hasn't really put together that it'll be a problem talking to someone on her left.]
no subject
Relax, man, you know I'm a lazy shit. It's a real miracle I've kept my job at all. [But she sets the beer case down as she takes a seat on the chair. Seems like it'd be best to let Anna just keep her bed.] So, what's up?
no subject
[maybe it's bigger in her head. maybe it's bigger because she lived it, but she knows if she sat on this then she wouldn't ever say anything to Rose about it. her head turns to face her while she talks.]
When I was down there, something stole your voice and started trying to talk to me. I don't know what it was, because I never looked. [seemed like the kind of thing where she'd get her face stolen or something if she had.] But it was definitely some kind of illusion, which means Vanderweele knew I was down there and he knew he could use you to get to me.
[but that's not what she wants to bring up. she turns her head, setting that dead-eyed stare to the TV. someone's rising in the frame, but she doesn't care.]
The door to the lab that all this stuff was inside was locked, and I needed to give something up to get inside. One of the last things not-you said to me was that you'd kill anyone to get what you need, and what I needed was to show Vanderweele I wasn't fucking scared of him. [usually a bold statement, but right now it sounds as lifeless as anything else.] I was lucky enough to get back what I sacrificed, but I had no idea if I would. And I figured since everything we do is based on memories lately, it was pretty obvious what I had to give up.
[and she looks back over at Rose.]
no subject
[She'd kill anyone to get what she needs... How true is that? It sounds more like Zero. —But she has to be past the point of pretending that she's nothing like Zero, doesn't she? If it sounds like Zero, then it probably sounds like her, too.]
But obviously you got it back. It's all good now, right?
no subject
[she doesn't know what that means, or even why she's telling Rose about it. but now that she is talking about it, it's kind of becoming. real. in her head.]
Jesus christ, I nearly lost you to show off my big dick energy to an evil wizard. [a scoff, exhausted and self-directed.] I deserve to lose an eye for being such a fucking idiot.
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It was definitely pretty stupid, but it still paid off, right? I never wanna hear someone say being an idiot doesn't have its good points. But man, I would've been pissed if you got it back. [When in doubt, be lighthearted about terrifying possibilities.] Can you imagine how long that would've taken? Doing all that shit over again?
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I don't even think you'd like me if I had to start from scratch with you. I wouldn't like me, either. [she'd be fucking inconsolable if she knew what she'd given up. thank god it's all hypothetical. she sighs. this is the wrong time to say something, but she's never been more emotionally vulnerable than right now. and if she can't break down even a little bit in front of Rose then she might as well just keep it all inside and then one day she'll die.]
You think about that stuff I said back on your birthday at all? Or you been dealing with flower shit since then?
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I'm down if you are.
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[she could've asked that at a better time. at a time when she's actually able to bring to mind the emotions that that answer actually instills in her. but all she can manage is one weak word and a smile that feels more than a little pathetic.]
I'm still down. Maybe not right now. That'd be fucked up. [at least she can still joke about it.] But... thanks. Hopefully I can prove that I'm not gonna fuck it up for us. So you can just give me shit for getting my body parts stolen by a giant brain that made me think I was four other people at once.
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[This isn't a race, Rose?? But she'll make bad jokes for as long as she possibly can.]
Getting it stolen by a giant brain somehow sounds better than an evil flower. Jeez though, four people at once? I guess it makes sense for a brain to do some mind melting, but no wonder you're so exhausted.
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Yeah. There was... god, okay. There was me and A2, obviously. Then 2B, who was this android that A2 mercy killed because she got infected. [she's pretty sure she hasn't told Rose about her. or about any of these people.] And No.4, who was... I don't know if she was A2's girlfriend or what, but she cared about her a lot. I got a ton of memories about her all at once a few months ago.
[a pause.]
She sacrificed herself to keep A2 safe. And now A2 has to live with that on her shoulders for... eternity, I guess. And Vanderweele made damn sure I was coming along for the ride.
no subject
[That was the impression she got before from Anna, not to mention when she fixed her memories. It's... probably for the better? Maybe it makes things more complicated, but speaking from experience, Rose has to think it's better than just absolutely hating your past self because of how awful they were.
Then again, her own feelings on Zero are starting to change. She's not sure what that says about her either.]
Sounds like she had a lot going on, too, so no wonder he did his best to dump that all on you.
no subject
[she's quiet for a moment. there's a lot to take in there, but. something else stuck with her after... after the brain. something that's in her head more clearly than the rest.]
They... YoRHa built her to have false memories of someone. Someone who lived on a farm with her grandmother, and it seemed pretty peaceful there. She's—god. You know one of the first memories I got back was a white flower called a Lunar Tear? And this whole time I was kind of thinking that it could've been the name of your flower. And that's why it was striking me as important.
[she closes her eye, pauses for effect and for utter lack of words. nothing as evil as that flower would have such a beautiful name.]
It was this farm girl's. She had a wreath of them that her grandmother made for her because it made her feel safe, I guess? So... I don't know what I'm getting at. I guess I'm getting memories of A2, and A2 has memories of Kainé.