001. text // i'm wide awake the more i sleep

[manufactured]

I'll preface this now with the notion that I don't expect anyone to respond with the content of their memories, should this be relevant to them. It's more a question being shouted into the void, because I don't care to keep it in my head any longer. Make of it what you will; treat it as a pure hypothetical if it suits you, it isn't as though I'll know the difference.

But has anyone had the suspicion that they may have been on the wrong side of whatever conflict may have been occurring in these memories of theirs? Or if not something so drastic, perhaps it's just that the person you seem to have been back then was deserving of, at the very least, a solid shake and a slap across the face.

Either way, people like to assert here that whomever you are now isn't the same as the person you're remembering, and I wholeheartedly agree with that notion. However, the question likewise comes up from time to time of whether or not the patterns we recall are what we're destined to fall into again.

That possibility becomes decidedly more difficult to disregard when the memories you receive are of someone that you have neither the interest nor the desire to become.

Comments

[manufactured]

As are the rest of us, I can assure you.

Have the things you've been recalling been particularly unpleasant, then? Again, I've no interest in details, should you not want to provide them.

[liberal_arts]

It's difficult to explain. They are not unpleasant in the way others have described so far. I have seen no violence, no war, no heartbreak or sadness.

But the feeling that comes from them still creates a sensation I cannot seem to ascertain. I keep going back to disassociation. There is no discernible 'me' within this realm, but at the same time, I feel myself within them.

I cannot properly explain it at all.

[manufactured]

The closest I've experienced to that is a sense of disconnect between whatever I'm recalling at the moment and everything that I know myself to be - that is to say, I can't reconcile my actions as my own. But I suspect that's more a problem with a lack of context than anything so severe as being unable to discern my own existence.

[liberal_arts]

There is at least some comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this struggle to cope with the vision we are being subject to. Even if it's not entirely the same.

[manufactured]

I suppose, then, that it comes down to what you believe those "suggestions" you mentioned earlier to be - the ones posited by your visions, as far as you're interpreting them.

[liberal_arts]

Without more perspectives, I have an incomplete picture. A doodle, at best.

[manufactured]

Another situation similar to my own, then.

[liberal_arts]

Similar to many, I'm sure.

-...-

A friend of mine who has some experience in therapy is offering support groups for those of us troubled by these visions.

[manufactured]

I'm not certain how willing I am to attend something like that. But I suppose it's worth keeping in mind.

[liberal_arts]

I haven't attended any meetings, myself. -For much more awkward reasons.- But Fai has a big heart. I hope he can at least help some of us.

[manufactured]

Well, I certainly can't complain about the effort being put in, at any rate. It's likely best to have things like this handled by others with the app, besides - I imagine the patience of those that aren't will only extend so far.

[liberal_arts]

-Kasen had to stop seeing his therapist for that very reason.-

The only people that seem to believe any of this was actually happening were those with the app, yes. It makes seeing outside doctors or other professionals about problems caused by this situation utterly pointless.

[manufactured]

I received the app some time after some of you - in my experience it was partially disbelief and partially just...acceptance, for lack of a better term.

[liberal_arts]

Acceptance? That seems to imply you knew it changed.

[manufactured]

More like a willingness to believe that that's how things had always been, despite all evidence to the contrary.

[liberal_arts]

I can't say I've ever had that mindset, or at least not awareness of it.

Then again, I do recall not being at all bothered by chocobos.

[manufactured]

Remembering horses was a little jarring, wasn't it.

[liberal_arts]

Particularly from an artistic perspective. The aesthetics are all different.