retrospec | text; six feet under

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text; six feet under

how many people have memories that span centuries
i mean outside the obvs
but like
there was a memory in ye olde fishing village
somewhere in asia or something
then there was a memory in victorian opium den in like england
then there was a graveyard thing ten years ago where a guy danced a bunch of zombies
to life or something and it was stupid weird
and now
france
wwii
and ss officers

oh
apparently ss officers tasted good
or at least my past self thought they did
who knew

but point is
how many people remember centuries of life
its important

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idk
i only got a bit of him stalking them
climbing up walls when they turned around
being all silent monster on the rooftop stalking
and being hungry

were you doing that as part of any army
or just some random cannibal stalker

french resistance
he was working for them
they needed to get something
and he was clearing the way

clearing the way by eating them
well it leaves less evidence i guess

what were they trying to get

less people to call in a report too

i think there were some pow
transfer schedules and rail signals
also vehicles to commandeer

sounds a lot like the sort of thing i was doing in the war too
*other me
*whatever you know what i mean
except we didn't eat the nazis we killed
maybe the french were just more metal than we were

i know what you mean

the french were pretty metal
called me Mordeur - biter
so they must have known something weird was going on

other you was in france too
doing what
besides wearing booty shorts

[ thinking on it, he's not sure which missions, exactly, were in France. There were a lot of them, and some he wasn't even sure of the location. But he's certain that he had some there. ]

the usual
we were kind of all over the place in the war
beating up nazi fishguys and vampires and stopping whatever superteam the axis put together

so you were like
booty shorts patriotic hero or something
must have been crazy
how old were you

16 when i started
but i was in it for most of the war so by the time the war was over i must've been 20 or 21
also in my defense
i may have worn booty shorts but at least my body was covered
two of my teammates only wore speedos
TWO

really
i dont think i had aged at all from that one memory
i think he was about twenty something in that one

brave men
i heard it was cold in some places
and speedos might look great
but
shrinkage
and loose hairs
that would always make it a mess unless they waxed

well if you're remembering entire centuries
i doubt 5 years of war makes much of a difference

yeah they wore those stupid uniforms even through russian winters
and they were completely hairless save for their heads
smooth and naked as a baby's bottom
by order of the us army

probably not
but war isnt an easy thing to remember
even if it was fighting vampires and lizardmen
while your team wears speedos

i wonder how they managed to cover that in expenses
speedos are easy enough
special uniforms
but waxing
id hate to be the guy in charge of that
unless they just got a couple makeup artists
and said 'make them look like smooth asses'
image the gossip as some women waxed them
just
'oh sorry dear this is going to sting a little think of america ok'

lie back and think of america
maybe the first time they did it yeah
but it's not like we had stylists with us out there
no
they must've been doing it themselves
field waxing

[ he hopes it's true because it's hilarious, but if so....poor Toro and grumpy-elf-man. ]

they could have gone talk to the WACs
sat around
complain about the rest of the men in the field
shared tips on the best field waxing kits
paint each others nails
maybe even dyed their hair

[ haha guess who had to go google WACs just now because he'd never heard of them before this very moment!!! This is very embarrassing for James, who supposedly lived through the damn war himself.

The thinking about it, though, prompts James to suddenly remember a few other people from his supposed war years. ]

never ran into any wacs
but we did have some women who worked with us
also in crazy costumes
but still wearing significantly more clothes than those two did
i think they were just in a category all their own

brave men
or just wanted to be more metal than the french
doubt it tho
french just were metal

were they nice members of your special uniform group
pretty sure they at least could kick ass in their outfits

they wouldn't have given them the outfits if they couldn't kick ass
what would be the point in that
it'd be a waste of perfectly good spandex

spandex
fabric of ass kicking
tho it does ride up if not tailored right

please
have you WORN spandex
it rides up even if it is tailored right

was in sports
so yes
stuff was a nightmare
especially sweat sticky nightmare

yeah
now imagine that but with sand and dirt and mud inside of it
that was my life
doesn't matter how well tailored the spandex is at that point

thats a lot of suffering for the service of this country
fangs off for everyone that wore them
including the guys in the speedos

yeah we sacrificed a lot to put on that spandex

are you saying fangs off just as part of some vampire gimmick
or do you actually have fangs now

not yet
expecting to wake up with them tbh
theres only so many monsters that excellent night vision
and most of them have fangs
so
vampire weres demons maybe a few snake people but i think they have more of a heat vision than light

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frostythehitman - 2018-01-30 07:17 (UTC) - Expand

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