002: text; subject field: "asking for a friend..."

[eyestitch]

tell me if this has ever happened to you!

you're minding your own business, cute and innocent as all get-out, and someone comes up to you all: 'someone ELSE in one of my dreamories, who is definitely ❌ NOT ME ❌, went through something, and i don't understand it, but i want to figure it out for the sake of this totally different person!'

and you're like: '1st of all, why are you talking to me? and 2nd of all, aren't you just asking for yourself?'

i guess what i'm wondering is WHYYYYYYYY would you do that? after all, we're all in this together! we shouldn't feel like we have to cover these things up! aren't we a support network?? like that gym all the fat people go to for some reason, we should be a JUDGMENT FREE ZONE 🏋️

from now on, i want us all to be way more honest with each other! 💛 if i see anyone else trying to ask a question for someone else's sake, i'm just gonna assume it's from you, okay? ok!

change starts now! it starts here! what sorts of things have you been hiding under cover of asking "for a friend?"

Comments

[thesettingsun]

Does anyone fall for 'asking for a friend', though? It's pointless, so you either need to be more creative or just come out with it.

[eyestitch]

sure they never just say 'asking for a friend,' but it's always like the second less creative equivalent!

like, what would happen if you met someone who ate their boogers?

then you can call that person a certified booger-eater, probably

[thesettingsun]

I could, but sometimes it's better to just let them pretend you don't know their embarrassing semi-secret.

[eyestitch]

because then they won't suspect you of any wrongdoing when someone brings it up an embarrassing situation later?

[thesettingsun]

Because I try to only humiliate people I dislike.

[eyestitch]

don't you think you should dislike someone who's a booger-eater?

gosh, anyway, that's not the point! it's not really acting like you don't know a secret; it's more like, both of you already know, so what's the point? why cover up what's already there?

[thesettingsun]

People are self-conscious even when they don't have to be. It's a human trait, or whatever people are now.

[crudest]

i asked kiyochan the other day if it makes sense to break up with your bf over calling your chocobo son a hell bird

not a dreamory tho bc that shit's too specific to think you're just polling the crowd

[eyestitch]

all chocobos are hell birds so i'm pretty sure at least one or both of you are overreacting. tho if you're looking for an excuse to break up i'm always happy to help

look, i put exactly as much effort into my post as everyone puts into their cover stories. it evens out!

[crudest]

darling you're too quick to offer, surely there's greener pastures out there. think of wendy

well you're not wrong
spilling life stories on social media is way too common these days i'm not surprised it reached here even if people are kinda shyer about it

[eyestitch]

why's your mind always jump to the dirtiest option? i could have meant planting fake documents or hiring a hitman, but you're only thinking about one thing! i'm off boys now anyway; they got sooooo boring

if there was anywhere to spill that kind of stuff it'd be here (JUDGMENT FREE ZONE, remember) but people are just really sooooo weird about it...and i hate how they won't just fess up!

[crudest]

so forgery and murder are your preference for breaking up relationships specifically?
i knew i liked you for a reason, lovely

as for giving up men -
honestly?
good taste.

well if there's anyone to spill their secrets to it would be you, right
what harm could ever possibly come of that

[eyestitch]

duh! you shouldn't act so surprised! it'll offend me. i think you knew why you liked me to begin with!

oh, baren, that'd be a really bad idea! that's why no one's spilling their secrets to me or anything. they're sharing exactly how they feel with everybody on the network! because here, we believe in personal responsibility!

[doublesmall]

yeah no he's definitely not looking, thanks

[eyestitch]

wow, where did you come from?

[doublesmall]

what, did you think I didn't keep up with this or something

[eyestitch]

you just showed up awful fast! [Does her have Yahoogle alerts set up or something? ... He probably does.]

i feel like i must have summoned you somehow!

[godcards]

Why the hell would you trust anyone just because? If you're really that naive, you deserve what you get.

[eyestitch]

[Did this...did this go over his head? She's still trying to decipher this comment before replying to it.]

are you trying to warn me about something?

you don't think people on the internet would lie, do you?

[godcards]

[ you know when you try to act so cool and smart and above it all but really you're just showing off your blatant lack of self awareness ]

No. All I'm saying is that if anyone here is naive enough to really think this is a supportive environment, they deserve the shit they get.

If you're also that stupid... Then yes, that includes you too.

[eyestitch]

[Gooooooosssssh, he's just sooooo edgy! She's probably having a nice giggle about this, at least.]

are you not feeling supported? what can the rest of us do to help you?

wait a second

you sound familiar!

[godcards]

There's nothing you can do. It doesn't concern you.

Familiar...? What's that supposed to mean.


[ no he doesn't remember the first time he made an ass of himself ]

[saburai]

Embarrassment isn't always rational. Perhaps that is the only way they can bring themselves to bring up the topic?

Also, I imagine there are things people could want to hide regardless of how supportive the network may be. Humiliation is one thing, but there are situations that could be worse.

[eyestitch]

i never said they should stop! i just said that maybe they should stop being embarrassed because a bunch of us are here to help!

you're right, though...sometimes humans really can't be all that predictable.

what do you think would be the worst, worst, worst thing? i'm already thinking of some, but well, we all have our opinions, right? 📜

[saburai]

Did you not say you wanted everyone to be more honest? I assumed that meant stopping the charade.

I would presume that crimes and misdeeds would rank around the worst thing, for many people. Knowing that a past you committed an action that you can't morally support. Or that you yourself were the victim of an awful crime, and do not know how to handle that information.

[eyestitch]

gggk, you got me! [She just typed out a sound effect, yeah.]

ok, ok, i'll come clean! the truth is i just made this post because it really kinda pisses me off, you know?

i guess most people would proooooobably feel the same way you do. i talked to some guy before who was like: 'being a serial killer in a past life would have been the worst!'

but that's just the worst by our standards, right?

[saburai]

Well... I think that's a fairly reasonable position to have, personally. Most cultures tend to look down on serial killings.

The argument there may be for people to not seek advice on these issues unless they're willing to own them, but that could lead to even more distress on their parts. It doesn't seem like there's a great way of achieving what you would want.

[theveilisin]

You know, in an ideal world I would agree with you, but I'm afraid that this one has its kinks and foibles to work through. For whatever reason, we've all got something to hide.

So in the spirit of bad debaters everywhere, allow me to turn the question back on you, in a sense: Hasn't there ever been something you felt the need to obscure for the sake of your own safety, happiness or dignity?

[eyestitch]

oh, i get it! this is one of those devil's advocate kind of things, right? you're like that buy at the back of every classroom!

i'm gonna have to ask for some clarification! do you mean anything ANYTHING, like anything at at all? or anything like something I got back from here?

[theveilisin]

I have to say that I do strive very hard not to be that person. Because they are, not to put too fine a point to it, unbearable. But I suppose I made my own bed, didn't I?

[He's not actually word-vomiting to seem like An Intellectual, it's just who he is as a person, but that sure doesn't come across in text.]

I admit I meant more generally, since I don't know the specifics of your involvement with this company. But can't the general principle be applied to this situation?

[rebellions]

[Considering he's been doing nothing but "asking for a friend" until now when forced to address the Retrospec network as a whole, this post feels like a call out.]

well it wasn't working anyway

and no we're not a "support network" or some shit
we're strangers
why the hell would anyone wanna air their dirty laundry in public

[eyestitch]

[Public shaming is the only way he'll ever possibly change, obviously.]

i think it's better to tell someone they've got a pimple than let them go out into public with it!

do you feel like everyone who uses this app is a stranger? every single one of us? oh my gosh, i'm so sorry! it's probably pretty rough for you, isn't it?

[rebellions]

[YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM!!]

orrr you can not give a fuck since it's their damn problem to deal with
a novel idea i know

you can take your condescending attitude and shove it missy
i ain't here to make friends or some shit

[sunnymerc]

so wait
what about us who do ask things to help out friends
what are we supposed to do

[she is a good girl always helping others out, nui. she doesn’t understand these mind games. ]