backdated 3/7

[livingimpaired]

My eBay account got suspended.

I have not used eBay in awhile so I guess I don't know the proper protocol for someone outbidding you for a cursed doll. Cursed with either a violent curse or a child's soul. The seller didn't specify.

It is not proper etiquette to e-mail the person you were bidding against and ask them to sell it to you rather than use it for their BuzzFeed article. Or let them be aware that you were honestly hoping it had some soul trapped in it to give it to friends in the hope that it will come to life in the middle of the night to do whatever cursed dolls do.

Who knew. I thought we were both cursed doll enthusiasts.

Comments

[livingimpaired]

Yes, that's right.

Eh, probably.

[yakan]

thats not that uncommon
well cursing an unpleasant person is fun

~whistle~

[livingimpaired]

It isn't.
Then perhaps I will.
It is thrilling from time to time to act as everyone else.
Of course, I should do unto the neighbor as what I would like for myself. But if I acted as that person, one can do unto me as they like.

[yakan]

[ Act as everyone else...huh. ]

i guess that it is
oh~ you dont usually act like everyone else then??
mmm most people dont really think about that sort of thing and do whatever

[livingimpaired]

I believe that you noticed that I think in a rather calm and rational way.
Even though I may do whatever, the whatever that I do is usually quite different than the whatever that most people would do.

[yakan]

you do?? i never noticed

[ nah he did ]

so no random
ill just lie on the sidewalk for a couple hours because im bored
or anything like that you mean

[livingimpaired]

Haha.

And yes, I can't imagine myself doing that.
Nor anything sorely driven by an emotional response.
It's not that I lack feelings, however.

[yakan]

what about face down snow angels?? or snow angels at all???
that seems so difficult
but im driven by a lot of emotions so i guess thats natural
nobody lacks feelings but it can be complicated sometimes

[livingimpaired]

I don't make them.
Indeed, it is complicated at times.
And I don't think there is anything wrong with being driven by emotions.
Just when someone is driven by them so much, I start to be unable to understand them.
Haha.

[yakan]

you should try once its fun
the same goes the other way around so the confusion is mutual
one can only try and if it goes well it goes well

[livingimpaired]

I won't find any fun in it.
Others might and that may be the only reason I do anything.
That's quite a reasonable answer for an emotionally driven person.

[yakan]

what a shame when they can look so silly and messy when theyre done
so you do a lot of things for others instead of for yourself
well i know a lot of different people so ive heard different perspectives of things etc you know

[ Doesn't stop him from trying to drag people like Isaac out to do things, of course. ]

[livingimpaired]

I doubt that they mind it, however.
Yes. I'm a person that can't live for himself, haha.

I suppose that I do.
And I believe the more perspectives a person gets, the better understanding of the world is given to them.

[yakan]

that sounds very
idk
tiring

well of course
as long as a person is open to learn about new things and hear about other opinions the better

[livingimpaired]

Not really.
But why do you think so?

And naturally.
There would be no point in gathering anything if you let your world remain small.

[yakan]

well its like
not living for yourself it like only living for other people and thats
like
only thinking about others and never thinking about what you yourself want or or
stuff
its like
needing to always do things for others to not feel shitty about oneself and to feel good about oneself

at the same time only doing things for oneself and never doing anything for anyone else isnt great either

and yet there are people who want to keep it tiny

[livingimpaired]

I see.
In other words, it makes you a little anxious and worried for me?
There's no reason to do so.
Honestly, living for others is the best option for me.

And, if I am honest, I would rather people live a little more selfishly.

Indeed, there are people who wish the world to remain tiny.
There are many reasons as to why, and not all of them are the desire for ignorance or superiority, of course.
Sometimes, it is simple fear.
A subconscious fear of what would happen if their world would get bigger.
Sometimes, it is self-hate. That they do not think they can make their world bigger until they solve some personal trial of theirs on their own -- not realizing that the only way to solve it would be to forgive themselves.

[yakan]

yeah it does
why is that?

a mix would be pretty good

yeah i know

[livingimpaired]

I apologize.
I'm not the kind of person that deserves either, however.
Because I am someone who cannot feel happiness as others do.
I came to the conclusion that if nothing makes me happy or unhappy that I should simply make others happy.

I'd rather the mix be more favoring a selfish life than a selfless, though.

Good, good.

[yakan]

thats a bit unusual
when did you come to that conclusion?? how???

mmmm 50/50 would be a bit unrealistic

[livingimpaired]

The conclusion came to me in my early teens, if I am honest.
I came to realize that the happiness others felt wasn't anything I could partake in.
After all, that is a time when emotions are running their highest.
So I noticed quickly that I was not happy the same way others were.

In my immaturity, I decided to stop caring about others' feelings.
It wasn't really out of anger or spite, I will say, but it also was twenty years ago.
Memories tend to get muddy the further anyone goes back, after all.
But anyway, I remember deciding that it didn't matter.
If I could not experience happiness, and unhappiness did not really matter to me, then why should I care about others?
Looking back on it, even if it was without malice, it was a terrifying way to live.

When I came to live here in this city, I came to the conclusion that I can't live the way I did. I was already starting to slowly change due to speaking with a senpai of mine. Someone who was my only friend during those days.
So upon realizing that the way I was living was unacceptable, I decided to live simply for others.

And, right? I suppose I'd like it to be 60/40.

[yakan]

yeah continuing to live like that for years on end and never stopping has the possibility of turning someone into a very scary person
this city is a bit of a savior huh
im glad you found your way even if i dont entirely understand it

something like that sounds more appropriate

[livingimpaired]

Thank you for agreeing with me.
And yes, I am, too.
It was my father's idea to move here. I just came along but it has been mostly for the best.

I agree. Anything more or less is too much.

[yakan]

good idea of him then its great that you came with him
negative things happened too???

yup it probably might be

[livingimpaired]

Well. I didn't have a choice.
And of course.
No one can live anywhere without something negative happening.