voice| on the other (octopus) hand

[ohrlyeh]

[Usually Howard interacts with the network through text, since he's nervous of using any other format, but this time, his deep and weary voice can be heard.]

Um. A question out of curiosity, I-I suppose. If you've "received" a physical change through Retrospec, what was it? If you've received several, what is the worst one...?

[There's the sound of something falling off a table onto the floor. He lets out a shuddering sigh, his tone slightly exasperated.]

Yeah. [A pause.] Before I forget, I need someone who can go out and get some groceries for me. I'll pay you for it. I just don't feel like going outside for a while. I-I'm fine...really...............

[ooc: somebody's got tentacle hands now. life is fun!]

Comments

[livingimpaired]

...

[ A frustrated sigh. No. I'm not kind. There is nothing about my actions that can be considered so, but-- ]

So long as you can still feel appreciation for how much you are cared for... it means you aren't completely lost.

[ohrlyeh]

So, when I even lose appreciation for the care that other people give to me, that's when I'll be lost...?

[He sighs..]

I suppose. I'm not a lost cause...for now. I just have to keep going at it.

[livingimpaired]

... I didn't want to put it so plainly, but yes.

[ Even he has appreciation for the care people give him, after all. ]

That's right. The people that care about you won't allow you to handle it alone, either.

[ohrlyeh]

I really don't deserve anyone. But if people want to support me, I can't say no. That would be...unfair to them.

[The last thing he wants is for the people he loves and cares about to be hurt by seeing him walk away, even if it's easy, too easy, to think about.]

I can't do that to them.

[livingimpaired]

Right? It would be like saying their feelings didn't matter.

[ Perhaps, what Howard needs, is something else to worry about. ]

[ohrlyeh]

Yes. And that would be an insult to them. I can't have that. To insult my friends...

[He shakes his head.]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have allowed myself to think such things to begin with.

[livingimpaired]

I forgive you. And I'm certain everyone else would, too. When these sort of things happen... it's hard not to think that everyone will ... well, there's no reason to get back into it.

[ Indeed, giving Howard something else to worry about would be best. ]

That reminds me... it might do you some good to come visit me since I cannot come visit you. I know that you're not feeling up to leaving your apartment, but Sakura has fallen a little ill and is in my care. It may do her healing some good to hear a familiar voice.

[ohrlyeh]

Thank you, Kei.

[He's about to continue, grateful that Kei is so willing to hear him out like this, but that last statement makes him sit straight up on his couch, shocked.]

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Sakura is sick??

[livingimpaired]

Yes, it is unfortunate, but she is not doing too well.

[ He ignores how pleased he is at hearing Howard's panicked tone. Clearing his throat, he huffs out anger at his own immediate reaction. ]

It's a magical ailment which is why she cannot go to a hospital. I'm looking after her as best as I can, and humored not telling you about it... but that seems like it would not be right. [ Kei does his best to squash the warm feeling in his chest. ] Regardless of what you are going through, you would want to know how your friends are doing.

[ The hate he has for himself grows a little more. ]

[ohrlyeh]

Oh no...Sakura...Oda said that she couldn't be reached, but I never imagined...

[He feels a deep stab of guilt- here he is worrying about his own monstrous changes, and she's out there, sick? He can't leave the apartment, not like this, and yet-!]

Can I see her? Is she going to be okay??

[livingimpaired]

Of course, you can see her.

[ Kei feels a violent pang of guilt. What did he expect would happen? This, obviously. He shakes his head as he attempts to correct his behavior in his mind and words. ]

I don't know if she will be all right, but I will do everything I can for her.

[ohrlyeh]

I'll be over.

[What is he doing? He should think about this. He can't leave the apartment like this, tentacles in tow. But Sakura...Sakura being sick...Sakura needing help...]

I can't stay, but...I-I'll come over shortly.

[livingimpaired]

[ Kei believes he should say something more to Howard other than just a simple affirmation. ]

Not to worry. I shall still welcome you as a guest and care for you, as well, until you leave.