retrospec | (no subject)

Meet Berry. Berry's something called a Pokémon, which seems to be shorthand for "we needed something to call our rpg monster friends that sounds a little less like we're going to take up a sword and hack them down for experience and quest fulfillment." He's a Sneasel. I don't know why he's called a Sneasel. I guess Sneacat was already taken. He loves snow, attention, and eating all of my food.

At the passing suggestion of a friend of mine (hi Dave) and with the help of my impulse control, I decided to spend a semester in college learning sign language to see if that was something I could teach my trusted magical creatures. Berry here was my prime test subject because of a distinct presence of hands and because he's a nosy jerk that reads my texts. He definitely has the intelligence for something like that, or so I thought, anyway. Even without any help, he's pretty good at expressing himself. They all are.

Anyway, the answer is yes. He can absolutely learn whatever he wants. The problem is that all he wants to learn is more creative ways to demand that I feed him. I'm not sure what I expected from the magical cat weasel.

The real punchline is that I learned that there are magical people that can just read these guys' thoughts and memories. All that work, just to find out some guy that was in my world once can just peek into their head like it's google. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people, and sign language is actually pretty neat to learn. I'd have to take way more classes to make learning it into anything worthwhile, though, and I'm already regretting the price of college tuition.

I've been thinking about regrets a lot lately. I regret getting spray paint on my favorite shoes. I regret that time in fourth grade when I underestimated high tide and lost my backpack. I regret not sharing masterpieces from regretsy with more people before their site went down. I regret going out to the frozen north like anything good ever happens in cold places like that, and I definitely regret buying nyquil instead of dayquil.

I can think of dozens of others, but hey, let's level the playing field here. I'd like to hear about other people's regrets here on the internet, where hundreds can hear. Maybe we can all appreciate our collective errors together.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Maybe I wanted to look presentable when I fell into the River Styx. Which, incidentally, exists down there. Did you know there's a godforsaken river of dead and horribly mutilated souls flowing beneath the city? Because that was news to me. You're welcome.

Really, though, it's not as though I had much else to wear down there that wouldn't run the risk of snagging on something.

I'm not sure what's more appalling.

The undead river, or the fact that you don't own a twenty dollar outfit.

Sorry I respect myself?

Sorry you're out two thousand dollars.

As I said, it's an annoyance. Things can be replaced.

So how much would you have to lose for it to qualify as more than annoyance?

Edited 2018-04-10 04:08 (UTC)

Assuming we're solely referring to material things...I would be infinitely more bothered if it were something that totaled my car, I suppose?

How much is your car worth?

[He's going to regret asking this question-]

More than your life, most likely.

That's not difficult. I'm worth a few twenties and a piece of lint.

And apparently those twenties go toward whole outfits somehow.

Walmart is a building full of great evil that will let you sell your soul for basic conveniences.

Edited 2018-04-10 04:45 (UTC)

Well... Yes, exactly?

For the sake of my prolonged survival, I've signed their blood pact.

...Again, I respect myself.

You have a big enough paycheck to respect yourself.

Because I ensured that I could earn one.

What do you do, sell organs on the black market?

I'm a lawyer, actually. ...Which is arguably on about the same level of morality, depending on who you ask.

The same bag, but not on the black market. Got it.

In fairness, I have yet to negotiate for someone's organs. I can't guarantee it will never happen, because legal cases are ridiculous sometimes, but so far so good.