Help? [Screened from Sora Pu'uwai]

[missingache]

Shiori Pu'uwai 4/17/18 near Tisse

So I've got a bit of a problem. These memories we've been getting showed me there's these creatures I used to deal with called Nobodies. It's weird, but they don't have hearts, but they look human. Most of them. Some are really weird looking gray monsters. There was guys in black coats too that were Nobodies. They were the human kind. I don't get why they looked human but the monster ones didn't. I was good about ignoring the memories until I remembered that I'm apparently one of them??? And it's making me wonder how we can tell if we have hearts in the first place? Not the beating in your chest to keep you alive kind. What's the point of a heart since emotions are chemical reactions? Is not having one okay? My biggest question is: how do I tell my twin that I'm not human and we're not related in a way that won't make them have a complete breakdown???

Comments

[lostapprentice]

why are you assuming that whatever you were in those memories defines who you are now?

[It doesn't seem like that big of a deal to him. Kylo Ren murdered people, but that doesn't make the current him a murderer.]

if he's your twin, you're related.

[missingache]

Because it's hard not to assume when you think you're human your whole life and suddenly you find out you're not?

Then shouldn't I be remembering him? I don't have a single memory outside of this 'life' with him in it.

[lostapprentice]

there are plenty of people on this app who aren't human anymore. it's less of a concern than you'd think.

[He says, still being human.]

being twins now doesn't mean you've always been related in every life you've ever had.

[missingache]

Yeah but how many of them don't have a heart?

[That's the big concern right now!]

We were identical twins, but something changed, and now we're not. That's why I'm wondering if we're related at all.

[lostapprentice]

let go of your assumptions that what you were is what you are now. or that it's what you have to be.

so you're not identical anymore, i assume because of changes from retrospec. that doesn't erase that you were presumably raised together and born to the same parents.

[nachetanya]

It's hurtful to people (and yourself!) to imagine you aren't related. You shouldn't do that.

[missingache]

[If he wasn't on the verge of panicking right now, these words would actually be pretty helpful.

Right now? They're not.]

It's really, really hard not to assume I'm not supposed to be what I actually am. I'm not human, I don't have a heart, and I can't pretend I don't remember these things and go back to how things were.

But what if that's not real? What if the memories we're getting are the truth? If they're the truth, then he's not my brother.

[missingache]

What if it made things easier for them?

[lostapprentice]

[That's Ren's usual M.O.: trying to help and failing spectacularly. But Shiori's statements are starting to hit in a particularly sore spot, and so he's even less likely to be tactful than before.]

in my memories i murdered an entire village and tortured a man for information. are you telling me that's the truth, instead of the life i've lived here? are you so ready to believe everything you've ever said or done is fake just because of a few nonsensical visions you've gotten over a few months?

[meowchanics]

Alright, maybe I'm missing something here. Why tell them anything?
At least until you have a better idea of what it means. For either of you.

[missingache]

So I should keep it a secret for now?

[missingache]

[Wow. Uhm. That's quite an admission.]

It's not just visions! It's items, too! Like a black coat, and a weapon. They all line up with those memories.

[lostapprentice]

[It's something he has no problem admitting because of his determination to not be the same person. It's part of why he's so vehement about arguing with people who think they are.]

so do my sword and mask. but the memories being real doesn't make us any less real as we are now. our existence isn't mutually exclusive.

[nachetanya]

Would it?

I mean, if it does, and you're not hurt by it, by all means! But it seems extreme to me.

[meowchanics]

Would it really be a secret? You're saying you don't know how to broach this topic with your family, and you don't want to hurt them by saying the wrong thing... You're just giving yourself time to figure it out. There's nothing weird about that.
Besides, you might remember something that puts everything else in a different context. Or so I hear.

[missingache]

I just wanna go to college and not wind up with an existential crisis every time one of these memories comes up.

[missingache]

Of course I'd be hurt by it.

But who wants a kid without a heart?

[missingache]

All the context I've had since September is that I was part of a really weird Organization and now I don't have a heart.

If I need more context, I don't know if I want it.

[nachetanya]

The people that love you, I'd assume?

[missingache]

What if they don't after they hear that?

1/2

[nachetanya]

[ . . . ]

[nachetanya]

I don't know, but that's for them to answer, isn't it?

[lostapprentice]

then don't. keep your mind on the present and don't concern yourself with what the memories might "mean."

[missingache]

Not like my mom would believe me, it's my twin I'm more worried about. He's the one who won't take it well.

[gunsandveggies]

[This is like that vision with the blonde girl... Oh, Shiori.]

What does it mean to not have a heart?