text ❁ alternatively, a youtube challenge in the making

[roseblooms]

Kit Fawkes shared a photo. 4/28 near Viea Village

I am being abducted, please find attached an image of my last known whereabouts. Actually, no, it's rather that apparently that my current living situation has become simply untenable to some people I know, and therefore I am now the recipient of an intervention seeking to Do Something About It, whether I like it or not. On the upside, I suppose a little extra room would mean more space to cultivate a proper garden, including some particularly interesting berry plants we found growing in Bosuma a few months back. Allegedly they render anyone who consumes them immune to toxins for several hours, but understandably I'm not entirely certain how to test that assertion. One can't exactly ask for volunteers to "eat this questionable berry and then allow yourself to be stung by these ten thousand bees", for example. ...Though now that I say it, I suppose that does rather sound like exactly sort of thing that someone would advertise for on Craigslist, doesn't it? ETA: Well, I've received at least one taker for the "eat the questionable berry and then drink poison" experiment, contingent on having a magical healer on immediate standby. Is there perhaps a magical doctor in the house?

[OOC: Berry plant link is solely for OOC reference!]

Comments

[crudest]

abduction is such a cold word
would a true abduction include lunch
which we'll do once you find someone that's up for your shitty experiment ig

[roseblooms]

Why are you texting me?

You're literally right next to me.

I'm looking at you as I press send on this.

[doublesmall]

yeah he does this to me too, welcome to the club.

you guys found anything promising yet?

you know you could just move into our complex, it's not bad

[roseblooms]

Every time we come across something that seems feasible, there's always a neighbor with a dog. A big dog.

How is the rent, in your complex?

[thesettingsun]

Much as I would like to volunteer to be stung by ten thousand bees, I'd introduce too many variables into the data, so I'll have to pass.

How bad is your home?

[roseblooms]

As far as I'm concerned, it's perfectly reasonable living accommodations.

As far as other people are concerned, it's completely unacceptable. So I suppose there's a spectrum of opinion.

[thesettingsun]

Important question, can you see the floor?

[roseblooms]

Of course I can see the floor.

...Just how bad of a disaster are you envisioning?

[quiet_storm]

You'll need a squishy human to try that, right?
If you've got a magic healer on hand and a bottle of poison then sure.
Why not?

[roseblooms]

...

I'm sorry, are you actually volunteering to drink poison for the sake of my bizarre and poorly-explained cause?

I'm just checking.

[quiet_storm]

It doesn't sound bizarre at all.
I do want to see proof that the magic healer is up to the task first though.

[roseblooms]

I...suppose there are a handful of people we might solicit for such a thing. One moment, I'll update my ad.

You're really serious about this?

[compendiem]

You brought the berries back. Fun.
I can both impart poison and cure it. I'd like to watch.

[roseblooms]

I could hardly let such an interesting plant go uncultivated.

Are you volunteering to be our standby healer?

[compendiem]

Healer/murderer depending on whether the berries work, yes, absolutely.

[servileness]

I do have to wonder if you didn't mean to put this entire post on Craigslist instead.

Should I send you eucalyptus in return? It seems you may need it.

[roseblooms]

Ah, you found the flowers.

The astonishing part is that I've already found takers for both roles in the experiment, really.

[servileness]

Yes. Thank you. I appreciate them. I'm not sure why you sent the dark pink roses, however.

I want to say I'm alarmed considering how suspect your offhand proposal was, but I've since learned people on Retrospec aren't the most level-headed. I hope you'll have them sign proper waivers.

[selfloving]

I'm worried enough about your test subjects, but please don't trust anywhere that man whisks you off to.

They may be about to commit scientific euthanasia, but you're in the gravest danger of them all. Is there someone we should contact for you?

[roseblooms]

I'm impressed that your position seems to be that spending time in Baren's company is comparable to or more dangerous than drinking poison. I'm not saying I disagree with it, mind, just remarking on it as-is.

I take it you're acquainted with him yourself.

[selfloving]

Yes, we're just acquaintances. I've never really treated him fairly, so I suppose this is no time to start now. After all, he's offered me exactly the same amount of courtesy. So neither of us will ever try to be nice to one another.

Still, if he's insisting you find something new, you must have done something to make it seem like an "urgent problem." Scare quotes all intended.

[kagepuro]

I don't think you should joke about abduction, that really scared me for a minute : /

[roseblooms]

I'm terribly sorry to have worried you; I would've thought my commentary was rather tongue-in-cheek enough to give it away.

Though I do appreciate the concern for my well-being.

[kagepuro]

its just a scary word!!! I got abducted once so i was like oh no not again

I'm glad you're ok!!

[spes_phthisica]

you know usually the interventions I get from my friends are more like them wading into my apartment and screaming about HOW CAN ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS and I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE FLOOR
and then they aggressively clean everything
kidnapping is kind of a refreshing twist to it