fourth ensemble;

[adoringpast]

wow it's been a while since i made a post here
and i've been on this app for a year now, actually
feels like yesterday when we were all shrunk into the size of ants or something

but speaking of my one-year loyalty award in this shitter
i've remembered a lot of things since then and the weirdest thing i've noticed is that
all of my memories so far happened in high school
and it's weird because you'd think we'd get memories of anything beyond that or even before that
but no, it's always that one phase in everyone's life

so my question is: has anyone here remembered more than one phase of their life so far?
like their childhood? or maybe their adult years or whatever?
you don't have to tell me your life story if you don't want to but there's got to be someone out there who actually remembered more than that

Comments

[thesettingsun]

No, I'd say it's a lot worse now. What the hell makes you think otherwise?

[adoringpast]

i mean you died so i thought that you'd want to make your 2nd life worth it? isn't that how it goes

suicide mention

[thesettingsun]

Past me wouldn't agree with that, because he wouldn't have wanted a second life in the first place or he wouldn't have ended his first one.

And current me thinks past me brought all his problems on himself and never had to deal with half this shit.

cw dazai tbh

[adoringpast]

wait so
he ended his life on his own?

that is pretty young

[ NOw he has no other things to say about that. ]

tw dazai why

[thesettingsun]

I don't know how a guy that wanted to die so badly survived so many suicide attempts, but I do know that I didn't want to remember one and definitely didn't want to remember three with no reason to believe there aren't more.

So, yeah, I'd rather have the drama memories.

cw suicide in general from here on out bc WELP

[adoringpast]

[ and then bam, sena remembered something, and it takes hime a while to shake off the chills from his spine. it's not an actual memory, but it's as if he knew the entire time that - ]

yeah you wouldn't want the drama memories neither
it'd also make you want to do that to yourself again

why this

[thesettingsun]

It's that bad?

Sorry. I guess I've been insensitive.

private;

[adoringpast]

no it wasn't your fault it's

[ SIGHS, and decides to slide into his dms for this. ]

how can you be insensitive if your past life would know how those students in my memories would have felt
if anything it's my fault for not taking this seriously at first
it's my bad

[thesettingsun]

[Oh.

Oh no.]

Do you want to talk about it? I can just link cute pictures instead if that would be better.

[adoringpast]

i don't need cute pictures!!! im not that kind of person
anyways
christ
i may as well say it
im tired of beating around the bush while trying to talk about my past to people who weren't from my world

[thesettingsun]

Okay, just offering. They don't make things worse, at least.

At least you know I can't judge on that one particular aspect of our memories.

[adoringpast]

the thought is appreciated though
it's just that it'd be a weird change of mood
ill think about it when im done talking about this

anyways
here i go




i was actually an idol

[thesettingsun]

Okay. Did you go to idol academy?

[It took real willpower not to say 'idol school, which is for idols', but they're being serious here.]

[adoringpast]

yeah i did
but what the hell
you're not surprised at all?

[ sena you cannot be even more blatant than this ]

[thesettingsun]

Past me ended up as a spirit who went inside books to fight monsters and had ink for blood. One of my friends had a chicken as a secretary.

Why would I be surprised about past you having a profession that actually exists on Earth?

[adoringpast]

a chicken as a
you know what i'm not going to push it

[ what is bunaru ]

but yeah it sure does exist on my version of earth and more
there's at least three idol schools including the one i go to
and apparently idoling can make you want to kill yourself
do be reminded that this was a high school???
it's not normal at all!!

[thesettingsun]

[The chicken was Yakuza, but even so, what is BunAru.]

I think that happens in normal high schools too. Not to downplay how terrible that is, but it might not be because of the idoling.

[adoringpast]

[ i hate how i just accepted the chicken thing as bunaru canon ]

i wish it were that simple though
there were talks of some psychological idol warfare going around in my memories
my ex who shared the same past background as me also had something to do with it
too bad he's off the app now so i can't grill him for more information about it

[thesettingsun]

[I want to say BunAru isn't that weird but also we have Red Riding Hood In Wonderland, so.]

Was past you affected by it personally? That you know of, I mean.

[adoringpast]

yeah i mean
remember last year when i asked you about Who Killed Cock Robin?
and that emperor and king?
that school may be full of extra students but they sure are
bloodthirsty
i don't even know why being an idol is enough for anyone to die for

[thesettingsun]

It shouldn't be. But there are a lot of reasons why people are cruel to their classmates. Ambition, jealousy, pride... And there are reasons why people, especially teenagers, can think that dying is their best or only option. Better than returning home to their parents as a failure, or giving up on a dream.

Past me apparently threatened to stab an author because he didn't acknowledge my writing, if I didn't actually stab him, so I really don't have any place to talk on being bloodthirsty.

[kawabata did not deserve this]

[adoringpast]

now if only you can be a little more vicious in this life...

i can see where you're coming from though
it's not that im heartless, but i've never really thought of taking the drastic way out when my problems are getting worse and worse and it's why i don't get why other people would want to do it that way
to think that there were a lot of kids who'd thought of the same thing to the point when there's a cenotaph for them makes it look like there's a bigger picture behind all this
i just haven't remembered it yet

[thesettingsun]

I've thought about it before. (Not recently.) It's not something I can logically explain, because it isn't logical.

Do you want to remember more?

[adoringpast]

of course i don't want to
none of those memories should matter anymore
but it's not like i have a choice like everyone else here
and at the same time i need to figure out what else went on in that school
even if it hurts

[thesettingsun]

I hope you at least get some closure, since you don't have a choice about it either.

And sorry for bringing it up in public.