retrospec | (no subject)

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marvel 616: bucky barnes

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I wonder ... the person you all were before the app, are they still who you are? Or is that person no more than a memory? A memory and another "past self" that is and is not who you are, anymore.

But, that's fine.

What I am saying is that it is all right to no longer be the person you were. We all change as time goes on. This app has us change within months rather than years, but ultimately, the changes we decide ourselves are for the sake of seeking out happiness. Is that not right?

Our bodies may change and we may no longer allow us to recognize ourselves, but that is only the physical. It's only flesh and blood. Our souls remain much far more worthwhile and valuable.

So rejoice. If you still seek out happiness, you are not yet lost.

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That's pretty rich considering that you don't know what everyone's past lives were like.

I apologize.

It seems I have lead to some confusion with my wording. I mean the oblivious person you were before the app. Are they only a memory to you?

But let's humor what you're saying some.

Why is that "pretty rich?"

You and I have had this conversation. Unless your current life's experiences are erased, it's really not possible to be that other person. We're shaped by the sum total of our experiences, which is pretty basic psychology. We have those experiences, and this life's, and that makes us neither, we're a synthesis of who we were before the app, and who we were in the past.

That said, souls are a different story. That's beyond the scope of science. Maybe we are destined to be like our past self. Maybe not? I don't feel any more superheroic, but I have found myself doing more to intercede on behalf of others.

Also, I agree on the last. Happiness is something you have to find. And it's not being given to you on a silver platter.

I apologize, Kara. I did not mean your past self. I meant the person you were before you ever received this app. The Kara that lived in this city.

You've changed enough that I believe you can say that the Kara you are now acts differently than the one before. And yes, that is due to new experiences both regained from our past selves and how we are now living in this city. We've changed as people so much that the person we were is a "memory." Like your teenage self is a memory within you, not that they no longer exist.

But it sounds like you have somewhat more complicated thinking than I do about happiness, or at the very least would rather it be deserved than given?

Oh. Yes that's absolutely correct. I'm not the same person I was two minutes ago, let alone months ago.

And I do, probably. Things are more complicated now than they were. Because I have power, now. And a responsibility to use it wisely and well.

That's a little too fast to be changing. Do attempt to slow down a little, Kara.

How does that relate to your happiness, then?

I want to help people.
I have more ways to do it than I did.

I have the responsibility to do things the best that I can.
To do the most good for the most people.

That's very admirable, but that's having other people be your happiness. Will you be all right? It is all right to think a little selfishly.

And also, simply because you have the means, what gives you the right to involve yourself?

I'm not talking about acting as a vigilante.
I'm not authorized, I don't have that right.

But I do have the right to help people who are about to be harmed by accident.
That's just being a good Samaritan.
I believe the Bible says to do that, anyway.
I'd consider that permission enough to be helpful.

I'm glad to hear it.
The way that you had first worded it gave me pause.
Pause enough to ask, at the very least.

The Bible does indeed say a lot on helping others.
It is to offer mercy and kindness to those that are in need.
Merely attempt to keep your eyes open and head filled with good intentions.
If it is best to do both and not one over the other, or else you may end up with regret.

Of course.
A head without good intentions is going to bring any good to anyone.
And eyes that are closed aren't going to see those in need.

I'm strong, and fast. And I can fly.
I'll be honest, I'd be scared of me, if I didn't know me.

Which means I'm probably going to need to limit my actions to Retrospec users so as not to terrify the sleepers.

Right.
You'll be able to help a lot of people with both.

I will say that you should still think of your own selfish happiness, as well. This is not related to your powers and your responsibility to others, but simply, the selfish kind of joy one experiences in living.

I don't see why you need to worry about it.
Terrifying the sleepers, I mean.
I don't mean that in the sense of that they'll eventually acknowledge everything that is being done as "normal," but rather you're not yet showing confidence in yourself.

You wish to help others, right?
As terrifying as terror is, you've already made this your responsibility.
If you cannot do what you wish without frightening others, and if you believe that to be a detriment to assisting, I would suggest you do nothing until you learn to no longer feel you are a frightening presence with your powers.
Because, unfortunately, it means you are still a little too green to be able to truly help.

I do agree, maybe I am too green.
However, causing a panic is only going to make things worse.
That's why I'm going to try and be circumspect.
I'm sure I can do that.

I wanted to say that I'm the same person I was before the app and nothing's going to change that.
And if I get memories back I know they're not real so it won't make a difference.

But you gave me something to think about.

It's not a good thing, not changing when new stuff happens.
Or old stuff happens. Or happens again or whatever.
We were all going to be different people than we were last month anyway, that's just how life works.

Not real? An interesting way to view the memories that we will receive, for certain.
I'm curious how that resolve will hold, but that's for the future.

True, before the app, I would not necessarily be the exact same person at the beginning of the year as I would by the end of it. However, the changes to my personality were fairly minute. You could even say that I barely changed at all.

However, you shall come to find that people on this app will find themselves dramatically changing within one or two months, most of the time. It's somewhat fascinating to where you can say that we're going through either something exceptionally stressful or eventful. All the same, we are doing what we can to adapt and continue to seek out happiness.

It still doesn't feel real to me. None of it does.
It's been over a month and I keep thinking I'll wake up soon.

I don't think I've changed at all but I'm not exactly objective.

But I guess if the goal is seeking happiness then yeah, adapting to the unusual stress is probably a prerequisite.

i don't know. sometimes i like to think that people can still be both the person they were before and the person they were now. so a third option.
what makes you sure it is always about happiness though?

Why do you want to believe in a third option?

What makes me certain? Because no one desires to remain miserable. So long as they believe that happiness is still possible for them, there is always hope. But it sounds like you disagree.

because i can see myself making decisions both as the person i was and as the person i am so it's not like one is more important than the other.
i wouldn't say i disagree, exactly, but there are some people who would say that comfort is more important than happiness. sometimes the easiest thing isn't the thing that makes you the happiest.

People grow and change all the time. So the person I was before the app is still technically the person I am.

But I think I'm better for everything that's happened.

What brought this up?

nah me and other me are totes twinsies tho she dont talk like me i guess???

I'm still me. I know in my heart I'll always be 'me' no matter how much I start to look like my 'past self'.

But, thank you for your kind words.

Are you okay, Mister Kei?

It’s getting harder and harder to deny that my memory self and the me now are the same person.

fuck off

[ i'm sorry. ]

Are you okay?

[ It's a lot of pretty words, she thinks, but... ]

that person is not me
none of us are those people
they can give us these memories all they want, it doesn't change anything

[ it changes too much actually but good luck making him admit it ]

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