retrospec | ayano's theory of advertising

[the following is a glitched up post that looks a lot like one of those text ads you'd see at the bottom of the screen on facebook]

Retrospec got ya down? Sad? Upset? Stressed out?

Relief is just a phone call away! Ayano Tateyama is an FDC approved Empatherapist! That's right! Using our patented RET (Red Eye Therapy) treatment, happy thoughts are just a glance away! RET creates a resonant connection between our mind and yours, projecting onto it any feeling you wish! Happiness, excitement, relaxation, bemusement, you name it, we give it!

RET treatment is short-term solution and should not be used to alleviate deep-seated trouble and trauma. Upon your first visit we will establish a schedule for you that keeps your mental and emotional well-being in mind when it comes to enjoying the affects of RET treatment.

What are you waiting for? Say goodbye to your bad day, and hello to a fresh start for tomorrow!

Call 555-612-5555 now for a FREE consultation with Ayano Tateyama herself OR text the phrase RET PLS for more information on our new and exciting treatments!

We hope to hear from you soon!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

RET PLS

Thank you for your interest in the Tateyama RET treatment program!

Based out of Recollé, the RET treatment program utilizes state of the art empath technology to stabilize the mind by rooting them in a strong, typically pleasurable emotion of their choosing. Upon joining the program following your FREE consultation, you will be given a recommended schedule for future appointments in a way that safely considers the pros and cons of the program on your current emotional stress level. RET treatment is subject to DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY, which means everything that happens during RET treatment stays between you and Dr. Tateyama.

May I answer any other questions?

Can you project anger?

Yes.

RET treatment can create a deep feeling of anger within the patient if the patient so chooses.

Great. I'll take you up on that free consultation. How much would follow-up appointments be?

Rates will be discussed upon your consultation. The RET treatment program strives to create an affordable plan that fits each individual patient's needs.

When would you like to schedule your consultation for?

I'm 126k in debt, so please keep my financial situation in mind...
I'm not too busy, so I'll work with your schedule. Whenever this week? 2PM-11PM are the best times for me. Greatest chance of being awake.

Affordable treatment is important to us here at the RET treatment program. Let's schedule something for tomorrow around 4PM.

The RET program is based out of our offices, but we are also willing to make house-calls at our patients request. Would you rather meet at our RET facility or have the RET facility come to you?

Oh. Can I really stay in bed all day and have you come here? I'll set a ladder outside the window and everything.

The RET treatment program will do anything for its patients!

Tomorrow at 4, Birch Hills. Look for the window with the ladder.

Your appointment has been scheduled!

Dr. Tateyama will arrive tomorrow at 4.

[Fastforward to the next day, a young girl with brown hair and a white lab coat peeks her head in the window.]

RET treatment program! This is Dr. Tateyama, may I enter?

[ The window is propped open as a sign of "please come in and rob me," but there's a lump in the bed that's being a very rude host, in that it's Minato and he's asleep and not answering the window.

Welcome. ]

Ooookay. "Do house calls" they said, "It'll get you more business" they said...

[Ayano sighs, clumsily tumbling into Minato's apartment. Taking a stack of papers out of her shoulderbag, she clears her throat, loudly proclaiming.]

Ahem...I am here to consult with a Mr. Minato Arisato!

[ There is nothing that strikes fear into somebody's heart quite like one'e own full name.

Minato turns around in bed and regards her blearily for a moment, covers still pulled over his head, and... oh. Oh crap. ]

G'morning... You're early?

[FACEPALM.]

It's 4:03PM.

Technically I'm late.

[ He muffles a yawn into his sheets, and sits up properly, blankets pulled over his shoulders so he can keep huddled in them. It's like 90F outside and the AC is off. ]

I forgive you. You're here for that... anger... thing... right? How does it work?

[minato aren't you hot. Ayano takes a seat on the end of the bed and flips through some of the papers she's holding.]

I have the ability to connect my heart and mind to others'. [And looks over at him:]

You...wanna do things right here? The consultation involves a quick series of questions, so...

[ He's dying but the heat just makes him less willing to move. At least the open window lets some muggy, stale air in. The connecting hearts thing makes him frown a little, but he'd texted her in the first place because he was willing to try, so he nods, laying back down so he can still see her from his sideways blanket burrito. ]

Here is fine. Are the questions an intake form? There's some books on my desk you can grab and use as a clip board if you need it.

What kind of doctor would I be if I didn't bring my own clipboard?

[digdigdigs in her bag...]

Actually, yes, one sec. [scampers up to grab a book and sits back down.]

Okay, so! How would you rate your current satisfaction with your life?

A. Very Satisfied. B. Satisfied. C. Somewhat Satisfied. D. Unsatisfied. or E. Very Unsatisfied?

[ Should he ask for credentials? Maybe it's too late to ask, when she's already equipped with a book and could whack him for doubting her license. ]

Hmm... One quarter between D and E, leaning towards D.

[ he texts the number, but not with the given phrase. ]

why
what's this ret thing supposed to do

The RET treatment program involves empatherapy, a new breed of psychological treatment pioneered by Dr. Ayano Tateyama in Recollé. By projecting thoughts and feelings onto the patient, the patient can feel mentally and emotionally at ease following difficult personal circumstances.

Would you like to set up a FREE consultation?

[she has no credentials. In fact, she pulls out some fact glasses and puts them on as she looks over her notes. They don't even have lenses in them.]

I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Arisato. [jots that down...]

You already stated that the emotion you're looking for is anger, so...[jotjotjot...]

Now, what brings you to the RET treatment program? What would you say you'd like to get out of this treatment?

wait
am i just texting ayano
are you just talking about yourself in the third person
since when are you a doctor
you're practically my age

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