01. pious in head but a demon at heart

[armati]

Out of curiosity that may or may not be morbid, are we supposed to find our past lives completely disagreeable? I understand that we're going to trend toward not liking them, simply because they're causing an existential crisis by existing and we aren't going to like all of the choices they made, but how many of us are dealing with decisions so surreal that you can't imagine anyone coming to whatever conclusions were reached - much less you?

[Ah, yes, the fun experience of "what the hell, past life" has finally...hit? It sort of hit him a month ago if he's going to be honest, but it seems to have amped up in scale just a little lately.]

Comments

[godcards]

It's not a matter of "supposed to." Some of us were just more disagreeable. Although *the surreal aspect might be what draws Retrospec to us, since there seems to be quite a number of people with extreme or horrible past lives. Mine was.

[armati]

I don't know if I'd say mine was either of those things. I suppose it depends on how well I did at accomplishing what it was that I set out to do.

[godcards]

You're going to find out one way or another, because the memories aren't going to stop any time soon. :)

[armati]

I don't see why I would want them to.

[godcards]

Not everyone is fond of what they're forced to see. Of course, you're so neutral, it hardly matters... But all the same, even if you did have a strong opinion of your memories, it won't do anything to make them stop.

[scythegun]

I don't think everyone has had experiences that are absolutely terrible, but most of the people I've spoken with have had difficulties with their past lives for various reasons. Usually they aren't quite that bad, however!

Personally, I've experienced that quite a few times. I don't know what my past life was doing at any given moment or why I thought any of what I was doing was a good idea. Might I ask what it was that you've remembered that's troubling you?

[I mean. He can think of several things if this really is Alexei, but. That's not important.]

[armati]

With all due respect, I would prefer not discussing such things in detail over the network. Both due to the severity of the actions taken, and also due to the fact that I don't know what to think about a few of them.

The ones that I'm just not sure what to think about were mostly just...bizarre things that I apparently really believed needed to happen.

[scythegun]

Fair enough! If you ever do want to discuss it with someone, I wouldn't mind hearing you out.

I can understand that one. My past life felt the need to come up with increasingly complicated plans in order to accomplish one specific goal, and the end result never seemed worth it to me. I was convinced it was back then, but it's still baffling now.

It may be something that will make more sense as you get more memories, however!

[But it also might not, so.]

[armati]

What sort of goal, if I might ask?

[scythegun]

It was an attempt to get someone killed. It's not exactly something I'd like to discuss in detail over the network, for obvious reasons, I'm sure. I don't mind sharing it, if you'd like to discuss it sometime.

[He's just really not here for telling the whole network all the details about just how terrible he was!!]

[mincingminuet]

Actually, I've found most of my memories make sense.

It's the world itself that seems absolutely insane.

[armati]

Might I ask how so?

[mincingminuet]

Most of my memories involve fighting in a rebellion against an oppressive imperialistic force. That makes sense, it's something I think most people would do if their country was invaded.

What's crazy and nonsensical is how it feels like a medieval kingdom, but has technology more advanced than our own.

[armati]

Actual technology - not magic of any kind?

[mincingminuet]

Actual technology.

A year or so ago, Retrospec gave me my other self's airship. It's like something out of a Space Wars movie.

un: ahmi okelani

[brushy]

That depends on each of us, Arthur. But that does not mean it is wrong to feel what you feel. Are you not entitled to your own feelings?

[armati]

I don't recall implying that the feelings of others, or the feelings of the majority, invalidate my own.

[brushy]

“Are we supposed to” can imply many things without meaning to. Are you looking for someone to relate with?

[armati]

Are you completely unaware of the notion of "If you don't know, ask; don't assume"? Attempts at providing comfort that isn't needed based on an implication that isn't there won't be appreciated, so I would suggest not making a practice of it.

The question is what it is. It isn't much else.

[brushy]

Noted, noted. Just don’t let your hair go grey because of me.

A simple question to answer morbid curiosity, and that is all. I’m not sure if I’ll satiate it when I say I feel the opposite of everything you’ve worded. I’ve found it is the black sheep of feelings.

[blondferret]

Admittedly, it is kind of important to try to keep your memories and yourself a bit (or a lot) separated. Don't let your other self's actions define you.

[armati]

I'm not interested in letting them define me; I'm my own person and intend to remain such. Those memories belong in the past, no matter how vivid they may be.

For the time being, I lack context and it's irritating me, given the severity of the actions my past life apparently decided to undertake. That's all.

[blondferret]

Lack of context is just part of the game really. Not that it is a game, but it takes months I feel to even wrap your head around your memories.

[armati]

Most of them have been surprisingly straightforward, in that they're at least understandable actions for a person to take. I just can't imagine what could have possibly led to a few of the choices made.

[blondferret]

[Patience young padawan.]

Patience. That's all you can really do. Hopefully you will remember something that links things together.