UN: Lily; April Fool's!

[sleepingknight]

[A video flickers to life on the screens of the app users today. In it, two masked people stand on either arm of an ominous machine, one tall and one quite short. When they speak, their voices have obviously been altered, most likely thanks to the small mics by their mouths that have been attached to some wire - leading no doubt to some kind of speaker, even if it’s hidden by their matching dark hoodies. Black seems to be a theme for them really - aside from the purple masks, their identities are completely concealed with not only their hoodies, but black face masks under the animal ones, black gloves, black pants--

There is basically no way to read this message as anything but ominous.]

Greetings, users of Retrospec.

[The taller figure speaks first. They keep their hands in their hoodie pocket and keeps their tone low and flat.]

We have felt that it has become quite stale and boring in Recolle lately, so we have decided to take things into our own hands. As a result, today, we have a little game planned out for you all.

We have taken the liberty of planting a number of sinister and dangerous objects around the city. What these items are, they are up to your own imagination but understand that they are potentially threatening to you and those around you. If even just one of them is left undiscovered by midnight, we cannot guarantee what might happen. Therefore, we highly recommend that you heed our warning and search for them.

We also recommend that you focus on scouring the city for these items rather than looking for us. We have already incapacitated one of your fellow users, taking her phone and using it to record us now. We will not hesitate to do the same to anyone who might come across us, regardless if it was intentional or not.

[The taller hooded stranger then pulls out a photo from their hoodie pocket and holds it towards the camera. In it, Yuuki (sleepingknight) is seen face down on the ground with a large mechanical foot crushing her back. Looking at the design and colour scheme of this foot, it's clear that it belongs to the terrifying machine in this video transmission. After a few seconds of displaying the photo, the figure takes it back and places it back into their pocket.]

We're sure that some of you must recognize her. Rest assured, we will release her when we see fit.

[And once the taller one finishes their speech, the shorter of the pair snatches the phone for their turn.]

She reeeally screamed the whole time - Vanderweele, Retrospec, things like that.

[They wave a hand, as though waving away the very concepts of the two.]

How trite. Allowing such people to have their way with this city...

I think it’s time for Vivarium to step up and stake their claim. We are many more than Vanderweele or Retrospec can muster, and we’re ready to have a little fun.

[The figure then gives a bow, arms out in an elegant twirl. The taller one follows in a bow as well, but they hold themselves closer with a hand to their chest and the other arm flat on their side.]

We hope to see your very best performance here... for the sake of the city, and for the sake of your little friend.

Best of luck, Retrospecters.

((OOC: Yuuki and Kokichi decided to help bring the best holiday ever to Retrospec app users! Those who know of their guild Vivarium are free to recognize the masks and realize this is probably not nearly as sinister as they’re making it out to be. Both will be responding, and they have indeed hidden items across the city in various locations around town, behind dumpsters, under benches, basically tucked away all over. The items are just little black boxes with a cheerfully scrawled “April Fool’s!” note inside along with a single sad piece of off-brand and expired candy. Congrats on your dedication to protecting this fair city!))

Comments

[decipere]

And why would that concern us? We are not the one who'd be harmed after midnight strikes.

It'd be you, your "friend", and the city who'd have to deal with the consequences of not taking our threats seriously.

[motiv8]

Because you wouldn't announce your "hostile takeover" like this if you weren't just gunning for attention.

[decipere]

And that changes anything... how? Perhaps we did want attention but that doesn't change the fact that even if no one takes us seriously, we'd still be rewarded to a show at midnight.

[motiv8]

[There's a long, long pause between messages, sorry, Kokichi.]

So what kind of imminent destruction can come from expired candy? Just asking for a friend

[decipere]

[ oh hey! he found one! kokichi can now drop his evil mastermind talk nonsense, but he'll still use yuuki's handle and type differently from how he normally types so he doesn't have this traced back to him. ]

Try eating it and tell me what sort of imminent destruction will happen to your stomach :)

[motiv8]

Hard pass, thanks

Just sucks because I can't even donate the stuff, so now I have to clean up all your mess and it's all going to be wasteful besides

I mean it'd be wasteful anyway, all the candy I've found is objectively terrible even if it wasn't expired and I'm not sure I could will myself to force it onto someone else, but, you know. Thought that counts or something

[decipere]

Yep! And think of this way: you probably burned a lot of calories, running all around the city trying to find our gifts :)

[motiv8]

Yeah, you're not gonna get thanks for that

[decipere]

How mean! We worked really hard to set up this elaborate joke for everyone, you know!

[motiv8]

Yeah, and you scared/really upset a good handful of people

It's not a great joke if you're the only ones laughing

[decipere]

What's a good joke or not is really subjective, isn't it? Besides, someone other than you (aka the party pooper) found our little gifts and took it the right way!

[ thanks, asuna, you're the best. ]

[motiv8]

Good for them.

[decipere]

What a boring answer! Has anyone told you that you're a total buzzkill?

[motiv8]

I can't say as they have. But if you're the alternative... I'll wear that as a badge of pride, thanks.

[decipere]

Here. I found a badge for you to wear. Please kindly go ahead and superglue it to your forehead so everyone knows to avoid you.

[motiv8]

Gonna have to go ahead and call a hard pass on that. Sorry, not sorry.

[decipere]

Buzzkillllllllllllllllllllll

You better watch your back for the next ten years because I'm telling all of my henchmen to pin you down and superglue this to your forehead against your will!

[motiv8]

You know, you really could reroute all that energy and manpower into something actually useful

Have you considered charity work? I find it therapeutic

[decipere]

Nope, that sounds boring.

Vivarium's an evil organization, you know. We're less "let's help these poor orphans" and more "let's destroy these orphanages"!

[ actually, he does do charity streams with yuuki pretty frequently but lmfao he'd rather die than admit that he's actually a nice guy. ]

[motiv8]

I see. I suppose if I ask why you find that "fun" I'm going to get a nonsensical answer if I even get one at all.

[decipere]

You won't know until you ask. :)

[motiv8]

All right. Indulge my idiotic curiosity. Why?