retrospec | (no subject)

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It's been brought to my attention (again) that some of you are looking for compensation for the work you're doing. I'm open to that. So tell me, Retrospecters, what is it that you're looking for? Money? Answers? None of the above? I'm all ears.

The scouting project seems to be working out okay. I don't know if any of you have found a place that's really good to relocate or recover but maybe we should talk about that, too.

…finally, bit of a morality question for you.

What's the priority here, you think? Working on chasing Vanderweele down this rabbit hole of a wild goose chase (wow that is too many animal analogies), or memory recovery of the company itself? Both of them are about as convoluted as you think, but not impossible.

Wait, not finally. One more thing since someone brought it up: in case you haven't noticed yet, you might want to pay attention to the things you've managed to bring back because, and I hate to make it sounds real drastic, but the fate of the world kinda depends on it? Just a little. Welcome to your destiny, everybody.

Anyway discuss. I'm back in the office, so drop by if you need something.

Zee Carlisle
Hiring Manager
Retr

spec Incorporated

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There's no getting peace out of this. I'm simply saying it shouldn't be a priority for that reason.

If not peace, then what does going back to your life mean to you?

Nothing.

[WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY BACK TO THAT, MALIK, JESUS FUCK, THAT'S THE MOST EXTRA THING I'VE EVER HEARD wait you're doing that thing where you're saying the most edgelordy thing you can to get me off track, aren't you?]

[SCOWL.]

Whatever happened to the hope of at least getting left alone after all this is said and done? Going back to when nobody wanted anything from you? I thought that was still the goal?

[ c: ]

I'm not a minor anymore and have things to worry about like shelter and food, because I can't just walk into social services and tell them that I need something.

But, whatever, as long as we have our original worlds that are made out of rainbows it's fine, right? Because you can be whoever you want to be and the real world doesn't matter!

[ is part of that a gross exaggeration, solely to get a reaction? well, yeah, but is it also a sad attempt at venting actual anxieties that eat away at him? also yeah. ]

[Gonna pull out Chapter 22 of Catcher in the Rye and staple it to your forehead, Malik...]

You already know who that other guy is, so you know you can't be anything, and his world doesn't seem like one made of rainbows.

And while I can understand some disillusion at the idea of going back to a normal life after all the things we've experienced, are you seriously angry that people won't just do the work of living your life for you?

Because that sounds like the opposite of your earlier complaints.

[The longer he gets to know Malik, the more Togusa feels like he can speak 'Malik'.]

[ yeah that's pretty much it. even malik can't keep his story straight, and flip flops between nihilistic or overconfident, depending on how he's feeling at any particular time. ]

Yeah. The other guy lived in a hole in the ground and wasted his life doing what he was told. It didn't pan out well for the others around him, I can tell you that much...

It's not so much that I want someone to "live my life for me" as you seem to think. I mean, if you want to, you're more than welcome to take on the obstacles that I can't get around, but that doesn't put ME any further ahead... I'm just not as delusional as you think. I know what happens to guys like me, and forgive me for not being excited to live a boring life in the gutter, or jail, or in some little shack doing the same thing every day to scrape by. That isn't living.

Although the more I think about it, I don't have to pay rent in jail...

[ jury's out on if he's being facetious or not ]

Too late, we're already clearing off your juvie record, you would have to work really hard to get to jail now.

[NONE of your shit on that one, Malik.]

Working isn't living. It's a part of living, but it's not all there is. But we're back to 'I thought what you wanted out of life was to be left alone.' Is that still true?

[ damn it togusa!!! ]

More or less.

It's possible to find a job where, functionally, you get to be that deaf-mute that everybody leaves alone, except to get that piece of paper that lets you continue living. If that's really all you want.

But I've thought that you also wanted the freedom to not 'play the game' of society in the first place.

[ surprise, malik doesn't know what he wants. or rather, it changes on a near-constant basis. ]

I don't want to be around people who will set me off. So most people.

As I've told you before, my scope of potential jobs is limited since I dropped out of high school. So, whatever. Not like I want an office job anyway.

Well, you have the option of a GED now, and there are even online correspondence versions so you can learn without dealing with another person.

You could even probably go farther than that, if you had sponsorship.

If you could learn anything, what would you want to learn?

I don't know, I was never a fan of school. I'm pretty good at math, though.

You can keep on learning without the hassle of other people, if it's the people that are really the problem.

I think it would be easier and more lucrative to become a drug dealer.

[The Outraged Dad response is all set to go, until Togusa has a quick flash of 'What Would Mariko Say?']

How is becoming a drug dealer in any way easy? It's not like you are working for yourself unless you have your own supply line.

In any case, I can't believe it's come down to a cop telling me how to deal drugs. That is one thing I can say I didn't expect.

[ fight the Outraged Dad urge. he feeds off of it. ]

I can definitely say this is not what I went through the Academy for.

If you really wanted to help, you should have done this earlier! None of this sappy 'go back to school' shit.

Being a drug dealer has the added problem of being around people who want drugs. I don't know how that doesn't fit into your earlier criteria of 'people who don't piss me off.'

Except that they leave after two minutes and I don't have to deal with the pseduo-friendship garbage that gets peddled to me every couple of months by misguided idiots who don't even care enough to follow through.

So we're back to the real issue, which is the desire to exist without interacting with people.

You know, I really do think the career criminal path would be better suited to my tastes, if you'd just stop trying to meddle and be all... helpful or whatever it is that you're trying to do.

Being a criminal and dying by 25. That's the story that, according to you, society has been writing for you for your whole life.

Why give in to what they want now?

I think you've got more than that in you.

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