retrospec | [video] forward dated to 9/13

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.

( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

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[She is very loud, and blaming him for selfishness that isn't there.]

The room is Retrospec! This is going to be hard if you can't work with the metaphor a little bit.

...This is gonna be a lot for you. Did you really have that many people to tell? You could have just called folks one by one. Now I think they might start freaking out.

[Like her.]

[ Evident by the nonstop buzzing of his phone, he had that many people to tell. But the last time he copy/pasted text messages to people he thinks should know, that only raised suspicion and backlash, which he tried to alleviate by posting a video this time around, with his face and his voice as proof. Clearly there are problems with whatever route he chooses to take. ]

I think I would forget more than half of what I wanted to say, if I had to repeat all of that more than once! But if you wanted to talk one on one, I'll be more than happy to oblige. Always.

[Poor Ryoji is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't, isn't he? And Nui is really unable to put more consideration into how everyone else must be feeling at the same time. This is almost as unifying as recognizing other Retrospec owners.]

...I dunno if I could handle it right now. [She touches the back of her neck in a rare moment of honesty. It would freak her out, especially after Minako had pushed the funeral invitation at her and she'd already felt ill-equipped to deal with it.]

So, like, deal with your friends and stuff first and then maybe we can hand out or whatever. I always knew you were kind of weird, so maybe this coming back is just part of that?

[ such is life!! and death.

But "dealing" with his friends is sort of what he'd braced himself for, knowing how upset they were when he'd gone and died, how even worse they would react learning that it was all for naught. The next few days, weeks maybe, will likely be damage control on his part, and he doesn't feel like he would make great company then. ]

I probably should, huh... But any weirdness I have shouldn't have hinted towards being able to return from the dead. Nobody should be able to do that.

I guess with all the unreality that was going around all month, at least one part of it could be a good thing.

What I mean is, maybe it's not you? [Nui...why do you say things like this instead of trying to make it sound remotely kind?] Is that, like, better or worse?

[She taps her chin a few times with her freshly-done nails. It's gotta be easy to be mad at Ryoji, but it might not even be his fault.]

That I was brought back because of the unreality?

[ Is that better, or worse? He can't really answer that himself. Of course he should say it's better— he's back, he's 'alive,' he received a second chance to face all of his regrets and make sure that the next time he dies, he'll be good and ready for it.

On the other hand, it shouldn't have happened, circumventing death as he did. ]

I don't know. It feels wrong, like going against the natural order of the universe. A part of me feels that I can fix that so easily... [ essentially, killing himself in a way that he won't be able to come back, just to make sure the deed is good and done ] but people would be angry if they found out, wouldn't they?

Hey...

[Her face falls utterly; Nui keeps almost almost of her

Don't make jokes about things like that. No shit people would be angry! You can't just talk about it like that in an effort to get sympathy from me or whatever! Because it won't work!

[But she looks truly unsettled by the statement, as if she's actually afraid that he'll try to "rectify" whatever went wrong to bring him back.]

Huh? Oh... Sorry, I was being careless. I shouldn't have said that.

[ Following through with it is another story, apparently. But the contemplative look on his face isn't of his thoughts being on that, but rather how easy it is to talk about something like that when he knows he should be more concerned for his well-being.

Well, he'll deal with that as he does with anything else: smile, move on ]

So, what can I do to get some sympathy around here?

I don't care if you have feelings like that, just, you know, save it for that nice guy who offered to be everyone's therapist.

[Smiling and moving on is definitely more of a language she speaks, so she doesn't have any trouble slipping back into that familiarity. She's been grinning and ostriching her head in the sand since August ended, after all, promising to ignore whatever weird stuff happened next.

She leans her chin on her hand and thinks.]

Well, usually I ask boys for gifts before I'll even think about speaking to them again.

[ Ryoji isn't exactly sure who the nice guy therapist Nui is referring to, but telling a therapist he has suicidal ideation is just going to get him sent straight to the hospital under watch, and he's had enough of staying that place for the past month. So yeah, moving on sounds good. ]

But you spoke to me without one.

[ Maybe dying is an exception to her personal rule. ]

I'd like to know you better so I can find a gift that would suit you best. Maybe we can start with something small, like dinner?

Jeez, I sincerely hope your insurance is covering your stay.

[She actually kind of does. American healthcare is... A thing.

Anyway, if being dead is covered in Recolle's insurance plans, she won't have to worry about getting food on his dime.]

I never say no to anyone who wants to treat me! Just as long as it's not one of those greasy burger joints, we'll be A-OK~! [She winks. Enjoy her being able to do that for the time being.]

[ Recolle must have amazing insurance for all the broken arms and missing eyes everybody's going through. ]

Then... how do you feel about Yamazaki's? I can pick you up, or we can meet there.

Ugh, I should probably ask you to pick me up since we're already talking, but I'll meet you there! Just say when!

[She rubs at her cheek very briefly with one hand, seems to realize that pulling at the skin is going to give her wrinkles prematurely or something, and drops it.] Like I said, though, I know I'm always the first person on everyone's mind, but take care of your other drama first!

[ ..............Ryoji had honest to goodness forgotten about his other drama at the prospect of taking Nui out for dinner, and that look of surprise is so obvious on his face. He laughs at himself in an effort to recover, and promises not to take more than a day or two to get everything sorted so he can go back to pretending everything is normal again. ]

I'll see you Monday at seven.

[This kid is really something else...even before she factors in the coming back to life from the dead kind of thing.

Confusion flashes across her face for a moment at the laugh, but afterwards, she giggles too, quite charmingly.]

You really do work fast, huh? See you then, cutie!

[video] forward dated to 9/13

god you're right. it's always hell. when do i get out

never. there is no escape :(

when will death free me

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clenching my fists w/ the urge to not post the 'people die when they're killed' meme

asdflkjh it's true though

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omg i deleted part of my last comment and then never fixed it i'm sorry

i thought so but then went "no i can swing it" haha it's fine

tabbing out is the worst thing i can do while tagging

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