[video] forward dated to 9/13

[appraiser]

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.




( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

Comments

[thesettingsun]

[This can't be a thing that happened. Ryoji's gone, Minako said so and she wouldn't lie, there was a funeral, but-

But it's Ryoji's voice, and it's Ryoji's face, and it's Ryoji apologizing for making trouble for others even though he's the one who-]

where are you

I need to hug you right now

[appraiser]

hey shuji. i'm home right now, but i can meet you. where are you?

Text;

[redarm]

[Noah hadn't been following the network that closely the past few weeks, only coming upon this chance. This video it...

It can't be happening. Ryoji was gone. How? Was this some kind of dream?

...

If it was a dream, then it was a good one, he decides as he furiously types out a message]

where are you??

[appraiser]

home. do you want to come over again? i can text you the address again if you don't remember

[darkinferno]

[Dante doesn't even watch the full video. He doesn't have to. He sees the name and is about to lay into somebody for dragging this up, and then he sees the face and hears the voice...

He doesn't even bother doing this with text; have an audio response instead.]

Ryoji?! What the fuc--

[He sits there, staring at his phone in shock for a long moment before he manages to continue.]

You definitely owe us an explanation. Do you know how--

[He cuts off again, this time so that he doesn't continue telling the boy off. Come on, Dante, not even an hour ago he was dead, don't lose your temper at him...]

You've got plans for 11AM Saturday. Breakfast with the rest of us. I'll text you where.

Freya, Ritsu, Eleanor, Yuri, Malik, Davey, Toushiro, Mari, Kasen--same goes to you guys. 11AM on Saturday.

[Don't get him wrong, Ryoji, he's actually really relieved to see you're back.]

[appraiser]

I... Yeah, I'll be there. I'd be really happy to see you all again. I'm glad you all got out.

[lingeringwill]

i was at your funeral

Motherfuck

Go tell minako, dont even think about doing anything else

[appraiser]

i'm sorry

and
i will. in person
i owe her that and so much more

[eyestitch]

What the fuck?

[That's all he's getting, but Nui leaves the camera on overlong after that, frozen.]

[appraiser]

[ If she's not going to say anymore more, he will, with a tired but warm smile to Nui. ]

...That's pretty much what I thought too, when I first realized. How are you?

action;

[complementing]

[Minako is just getting off a shift at the Confectionary when she feels it. After three weeks of getting used to the silence, the presence in the back of her mind comes as much of a shock as it did the first time, and it's with trembling hands that she covers her ears, squeezes her eyes shut, blocking out everything else in a desperate attempt at hearing Thanatos' quiet murmur again. Or maybe she's trying to block out everything else completely, because whatever is making that sound, it's not really Thanatos. It's not really Ryoji. How could it be, it's impossible, it's a lie, stop getting her hopes up. She doesn't know which one it is. She thought that she'd lost all her optimism, after losing Ryoji. But there's a little flare of heat in her chest, growing and growing the longer she listens, that is proving her wrong. She takes a shuddering breath, and dares to be optimistic again. It hasn't been so long. She remembers how. With all the hesitance and hope of the little girl who had sent off that first letter in the mail, she whispers to him through their connection.] Ryoji? Is that you?

[appraiser]

[ cries ]







[ Okay, no, I'll give you a real tag. But crying is exactly what Ryoji wants to do, when he first hears his name, that voice, whispered in his head and meant just for him. In the past months, his name would be shouted with varying levels of urgency for the hell that his team had been wrung through, and the desperation and exhaustion clings to him even now: he needs to be somewhere, he needs to do something, he needs to be there for someone. In the past weeks, he'd detached himself from all of that, throwing away an identity with all the burdens that it carries, and he'd found himself alone with his thoughts and his self and a little pocket of time that had broken itself off from the past.

Like that, he'd existed as thought, as memory, as guilt and as hope, as somebody who should not exist and had brought only pain to people, simply by existing. That isn't something unique to just Pharos, though; it's how Ryoji came to exist too, closing his eyes and letting himself become the shadow of a little boy, joining with the shadows of the world as he dissolves into the darkness, and existing only for Minako, in her heart, in her mind, his soul nestled next to hers.

Because despite breaking all those promises— "I'll always be here" "I'll never leave you" "I'll be back" "I'll see you tomorrow"— there's still somebody who calls for him, who expects nothing from him except for him to simply exist, and to answer. ]

Minako. It's me. It's Ryoji.

text;

[loudmouths]

[ there was no possible way this was real. then again, that was what keigo had been telling himself when he first heard about ryoji's death. it wasn't real, it couldn't be. but now... now that he can see his face, hear his voice, a flood of emotions hit him all at once. anger, confusion, relief, sorrow, anxiety. they mix together, turning into a sloshing mess in his head, muddy and unclear. he felt sick, he felt excited, he felt scared. what if this wasn't actually him? what if this was just another retrospec trick?

with shaky hands, he hastily types a reply, knowing that he very well couldn't ignore the post entirely. ]

is this real

[appraiser]

it's real

[ he texts back, thumb hovering over the enter key for a moment before he sends the message. It's real. He's real. But like many things, just hearing doesn't make it so— the undeniable proof would be seeing, touching, being there, and so he follows up with ]

hey, we never got to eat sans rival, right? i'm feeling up for something sweet

[lalliho]

[...Hmn. So an annoying guy like that could be like this too, huh? Weird.]

welcome back?

[appraiser]

haha thank you
that's the response i was really hoping for, so i'm glad somebody said it

Text;

[fiddlestick]

[Oh hey Ryoji Mochizuki! He knows that name, that was his final roommate that he hadn't met in person yet. Of course Elliot's going to respond to say hi to him--

....

Boy, both his message and all the responses are really emotionally charged.]

Aha...I feeling like I'm missing something...

[GUESS WHO NEVER GOT TOLD HIS ROOMMATE WAS ~*~DEAD~*~]

[appraiser]

[ GUESS WHO'LL NEVER KNOW!!! Forget being upfront; Ryoji's not going to let Elliot deal with his death, not if he can help it. ]

haha you saw that. was it overly dramatic? i've been gone for a while, so those were all the words i've kept to myself for almost a month and a half

[belligerentwarrior]

youve got some nerve

[Of course Freya was ready to rip someone a new one, like other people surely were. Of course she needed step away from work and let her boss know she needed a little time to herself.]

[What the fuck do you even say to a non-dead dead man?]

[appraiser]

[ Of course he wan't be welcomed back with open arms as if nothing happened, everything's alright, let's all forget about the entirety of the last month and a half and let's just start over. That would be too much to hope for.

People have grieved. They've moved on. And now, he dares to come back, invalidating everything.

But all the same, ]

yeah, i do

[toushiro]

...

[ ryoji's already got his share of "what the fuck" already so uh.

despite his surprise--which ryoji can't see because the camera's off--but he will send a text. ]

Welcome back, Mochizuki.

[appraiser]

it's good to be back
and it's so good to hear from you again, toushiro
i wasn't the only one who... you know... so i didn't know if i'd ever see you again

( action )

[maskreant]

prepare yourself.

[ Whatever Ryoji said doesn't matter right now. What happens is that Akira kicks open his door right after the text is sent (metaphorically... he opened it like a proper person) with his phone in his hand and a rather exasperated look as he searches for the missing fiend. He has kept his hopes going... With each visit Pharos paid him, with the green online status that shows by his name, and finally he appears in the flesh. ]

Ryoji Mochizuki.

[ A full name always comes with the assumption of punishment, a lecture, something. Akira's rather domineering presence and icy gaze doesn't betray that expectation, either. He had many hunches that Pharos was related to him—it's way too obvious, but even more so harder to believe. Yet the young man is in this room, filmed his apologies from this room for the community to see. He stays in the doorway, examining if this is real... And steeling himself in case it was all a hallucination.

Katkat and Morrigan seem to peek over the corner, wondering what is up. ]

[appraiser]

[ That ominous text does nothing to prepare him: Ryoji startles when his door is flung open, with no little guilt as his mouth opens but no words come out. He'd meant to go to people, forcing himself upon others as he tends to do— people weren't supposed to go to him. In the first place, the very few people he's ever invited over to his apartment tended to stay downstairs in the living room, so upstairs in his bedroom was probably... where Akira had gone to drag Katkat out when he'd come over, the little kitten breaking the stillness to trot over to Ryoji and press her cold little bean toes onto his hands.

The phone he'd been holding clunks to the ground. ]

Akira.

[ ...Hi. ]

Text

[yamagishi]

[....#wat

No seriously, what]

The important thing is that are you okay? That is...would you mind me talking to you?

[appraiser]

i'm okay
and i won't ever say no to talking with you, fuuka
you never have to ask

text

[truedetective]

[Her message is simple.]

What happened?

[appraiser]

what part(s) specifically do you need explained?

action;

[esperimental]

[ There's not a lot of reason for Ritsu to check out Retrospec every single day. But if anything at all if people needed to communicate with him, it would be easier over text than in person. That brought questions of how he was doing, and he'd have an extra hurdle of matching a smile, the lie he was fine. He's gotten desperate enough to use concealer to hide the dark under his eyes, and with a couple weeks' practice, he's gotten pretty good at it. But it doesn't change the loss of weight, and soullessness in his eyes, how every school day was a tedious chore, how there was such little relief to be found in anything, only feeling alive when he's breaking things in sketchy places as a result of his own emptiness. Even then, he knew this was wrong. He was hurting people in his memories, channeling it to objects so that he wouldn't blow up was only marginally better. He knew, but he did it anyway.

Ritsu's diary stopped being detailed since his return, sometimes being simple accounts, and on worse days along the line of questioning, "Why are you here?" Why does he live? Why does he bother with the minimal effort to keep alive? If he disappeared, how many people would miss him? ... Well, the kind people would. But even then, if he only convince himself a statistic in their low standards of caring about people, it doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. Ritsu could help them along the way, keeping up his walls, slowly severing contact. Pen continued along paper; an argument against himself.

"You don't really want to be alone, do you."

Maybe the next object he burns should be his diary.

After dismissal Ritsu exits his classroom without checking his phone, there was no scheduled meetup today. Before he can think of what to do and steps out the school's doors, his heart stops at the sight of someone who shouldn't be there. Their eyes meet for just a fraction of a second, his face loses color and Ritsu instantly turns his heel and bolts back inside. In those few weeks, he'd given up on Ryoji's ghost being a presence. He'd discarded the idea he could ever forgive himself even sooner. If Ryoji looked angry, he would have stayed put, but of course he wouldn't, it was Ryoji.

Or was Ritsu just seeing things? No, no. He was there, waiting for him. Standing, waiting. For how long? Ritsu shoves past students in a frantic run, futilely hoping shutting himself away could hide him from a ghost. He turns his eyes to the janitor's closet door slightly open in the emptier part of the hallway, slamming it shut and turning the lock. He buries his hands in his hair, breath heavy as he sinks to the ground with a strangled cry. Nothing could have prepared him for this. He had to quiet down, he didn't want to be found. In the dark and feeling the slow swallow in his throat, he waits, hugging his knees with trembling fingers. And the seconds stretch agonizingly slow. ]

[appraiser]

[ Ritsu was the last person he'd seen before he died. He was the last person he'd felt, the last person who was there, and when Ryoji had come up again, the memories of the last ten years of his life flooding back, his was one of the faces that'd stuck, looking hopeful, regretful, scared, grateful, so many things that lent to how much he'd cared for Ryoji's part in his life. He remembers Ritsu talking about his brother leaving him, remembers the promise Ryoji had made to himself about never doing that to anybody else, a promise he broke and will keep breaking, but not this one time. Not to Ritsu.

> Last month was a terrible tragedy.
> However, you must still go to school today.

As it were. It's Ritsu's deeply ingrained sense of responsibility that Ryoji placed his hopes in, that Ritsu would be in school no matter what. So that's Ryoji, standing, waiting, chatting with students and teachers alike until he found out which classroom Ritsu would be in and when. That's Ryoji who spots him the moment the doors open, who meets his eye and opens his mouth to call out of greeting, whose voice dies in his throat along with the flare of joy and relief in seeing Ritsu's face again when the boy so clearly sees and rejects him. The shock of being run away from roots Ryoji to the spot for a split second, but the fear of losing sight of Ritsu if he turns a corner urges him to move, chasing him down the hall, not having to weave in and out of the crowd because Ritsu's own frantic dash away from him opens up the path.

With the janitor's closet, it's a dead end, with nowhere else for Ritsu to run, even though it's where he chooses to hide. Ryoji's feet slow and stop in front of the door, and he leans forward to press his forehead against the cold paint. ]

...Ritsu?

[frostythehitman]

[ This is it. This is the moment James knows he has truly gone crazy. Everything else to do with Retrospec he could accept and learn to roll with the punches. But this? This is more than he can adjust to. He was at Ryoji's funeral, he watched his ashes get scattered into the ocean. He spent days grieving, feeling guilty, feeling ill, trying to wrap his head around Ryoji's death and where to go from here and--now he wonders if he's hallucinating. Or if he hallucinated the funeral. What the honest actual hell is he looking at right now? James doesn't listen to a word of what Ryoji's saying, none of this is processing in his mind.

So he says the only thing his brain can string together right now. ]

RYOJI WHAT THE FUCK

[appraiser]

[ Okay, so honestly, this is the most valid reaction to a dead person making a video post, but Ryoji is similarly ill-equipped to provide a valid response to "WHAT THE FUCK," so he fumbles a bit with his thoughts and eventually settles with an almost sheepish ]

Hi, James.

[ and waits for James to reply with something else that is easier to respond to. ]

[liberal_arts]

-... He doesn't understand how. Or why. And after everything else that's happened, he's not entirely sure he WANTS to. But even so... it's as real as anything else has been. The boy was back.-

I suppose I should toss that poem I wrote. It's no longer applicable if you're back among the living.

[appraiser]

oh- no, don't do that
poetry is art, something that comes from the soul
it would be a shame to let it go just because

and
i would like to hear it?

[mercurio]

you realize how fucked up this is right?
can't say i'm not happy to see you're back though

you okay ryoji?

[appraiser]

thanks, prompto
and yeah
to both this being fucked up and me being okay
i'm fine and whole
i still have both arms

text

[cattack]

[Cleo doesn't know how to respond to this. How does she react? How can she possibly believe this? She pinches herself, trying to tell herself it's just a dream, it can't be real, it can't...

She finally responds in text, not trusting herself to speak aloud.]

Ryoji?
It's Cleo.
I know you're probably busy, but when you have a moment, I'd like to see you.

[appraiser]

hey, cleo
i'm not-
well, there are a lot of things i *should* do, but can't quite get up and do them
so i'm not busy
i'd like to see you too
when/where?

Text

[burningblossoms]

[This is perhaps the last thing Yukiko expected to see again. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head when she catches this post, and she takes her time in replying. She can't even begin to put words together right for several minutes, and when she does?]

It's really you?!

[appraiser]

it's really, really me

[ and as if she needs more proof, he texts her a selfie, the same bright smile as this, hiding eyes red-rimmed from crying ]

text;

[admiringly]

[ No. No, no, no, no, no. Chiyo can't take this. Her heart isn't strong enough, not after finally accepting it, after crying and crying and crying, after denying it despite knowing better, after seeing Pharos with all his too many similarities—

She hits the voice-to-text button because she's crying and doesn't want anyone to know, but she's crying and is positive autocorrect will fail her. ]

If this is a dream I don't want to wake up

[appraiser]

i'm glad you keep me in your thoughts enough that i can visit you in your dreams
but i'll be here when you wake up, too

[destiny_key]

[...What is he supposed to even say to this?

He goes with the first thing that comes to mind.]

omg

[appraiser]

[ All in all, it's a pretty apt reaction: disbelief is easier for Ryoji to handle than an angry "WHAT THE FUCK" others have been throwing at him ]

it's hard for me to believe too
but i think, at this point,
i'm going to count my blessings and not question it

video

[prometheanflame]

[There are too many questions Mohammed wants to ask - where is Pharos, how is Ryoji back, where are you, how are you--]

I told you before, you're not a monster. You're safe and that's what matters to us.

[appraiser]

[ He's not sure he agrees with that, even now- being a monster both externally and internally- but he can't find it in himself to argue. ]

...Yeah. I'm— safe. Back. I'll be glad never to live through something like that again.

[constellates]

[On the list of things that Anya was even slightly prepared for: not this.

She watches his message and - she starts crying, again. The tears flood her vision in a way that's becoming far too common for someone who can't remember crying this much in years. She's typing through her tears because she doesn't want him to see her upset but.

This is Ryoji?]

exlpain
w here ??

[But she grows impatient, even if he's in the middle of typing a message back. She calls, presses the phone to her hear and might be in the middle of a hiccup as she barely manages - ]

Hе понимаю...

I - I do not understand...!! Ryoji?

[appraiser]

[ He's in the middle of typing so many messages back, to so many people, that his phone is growing hot in his hands. Seeing Anya's words and hearing her voice moves that heat to his chest, and hand to his ear so that he can speak back, voice thick and hoarse as if he'd been crying too. ]

Я не знаю.

[ Explain... he can't do that. He can't help Anya understand what he doesn't understand either. More than that, he doesn't really want to tell Anya where he is, because that means she'll come, and he'll have to show his face again, and he'd spent all his calm in saying everything that he'd just said.

But he gives in, because maybe a part of him wants to just... stop. ]

Я дома.

[twostringsonebow]

[... After the whole disappearing act, Goro wasn't sure what to say or do; seeing Ryoji is something of a relief, even if he'd only known the young man as a child (what a sentence), and he tries not to feel too awkward in his reply.]

Welcome back. [#nailedit oh, my god.] I'm glad to see you're looking well.

[Does he... apologize for going through his old home... maybe not so publicly?? oh, my god, what is the protocol for this.]

[appraiser]

i must look better than i feel

[ he... sort of had an existential crisis/mental breakdown in front of Goro. and is still trying to work things out. what do? ]

thanks for what you and elizabeth did back then