ayano's theory of bruises - 9/19, 4:15PM

[kagepuro]

Ummmm

Is there anyone on here who’s like...good at make up that can help me...Like one of those instagram models or something...

I was clumsy enough to give myself a black eye, and I need to hide it from my parents so they don’t freak out or get the wrong idea…

[A picture of Ayano follows, purple and black underline her left eye--thankfully not particularly swollen. Even so, whatever she smashed into must have smashed into her pretty hard. She wears a weak, sheepish smile on her face despite the heavy bruise. If it weren't there, this would be a perfectly good Facebook profile picture, in fact.]

It’s not that bad, right? Silly me...
Maybe I should just do the emo hair thing...?

Comments

[kagepuro]

oh yeah?? Maybe I'll try it!! If all else fails, you know...

Um, i iced it a lot yesterday after it happened, and it's not really as swollen anymore

It hurts a lot when i touch it, but I can see just fine...

[appraiser]

yeah<3
but it's been a whole day already?
it's good that your vision seems to be alright
if it hurts, you can take apap
i would suggest massaging the area to stimulate blood flow, but not if it hurts too much

[kagepuro]

right now I'm more worried about how much it's going to hurt when my dad finds out that i was so irresponsible...

[appraiser]

it was an accident
accidents are nobody's fault, and nobody can blame you for it
if you tell him plainly, i can't see how he would be upset

[kagepuro]

[Hold on, she has to cry really quick.

...

. . .

A few minutes later, she'll respond.]

because a black eye says a lot of scary things that maybe you don't want it to...

I'm afraid of him pulling me out of school or calling my teachers and becoming even more of an attention magnet than i already am...

[appraiser]

[ no :( ]

i think when most people see a black eye, what they have to offer is concern, sympathy, care... those aren't scary things, and it isn't just "attention" either
people want to make sure you're okay
if you can smile through an injury like you did just now for us all, that's proof you're going to be okay, right?
so i don't think your father would do something as drastic as pulling you out of school for a bruise that will heal on its own

[kagepuro]

i feel like this is really good advice, and i should be thanking you...

[but she wonders what he'd say if he really knew what happened to her]

i hope he understands, if he finds out...I've caused my mom and dad way too much trouble already...

[appraiser]

worry is a sign of love
that's what my girlfriend tells me all the time
parents worry because they love you

[kagepuro]

oh no that's really cute 😭

It's just hard not to feel ashamed of it, i think...its hard to stop feeling like i messed up and that it's all my fault and a bunch of bad things are gonna happen because i was stupid again...

[appraiser]

hmm... i don't have a good answer to that, how not to feel bad when things go wrong and it feels like it's all your fault, even when people keep assuring you otherwise
i have trouble with that too
but an accident is NOT your fault
it's just... bad luck? the wrong place at the wrong time,
something that could happen to anybody
accidents happen to everybody

[kagepuro]

bad luck...maybe you're right.

I could've avoided getting hurt if i thought about it more...but i didnt'...

[appraiser]

i won't ask what happened
but if it's something that could have been avoided by being careful
i hope you take care of yourself
but even if it isn't
sometimes things happen too quickly and you don't have time to think
but you know what to watch out for for next time, right?

[kagepuro]

you're so kind....thank you for taking the time to talk to me, mister...

I'm ayano, it's good to meet you...

[appraiser]

my name's ryoji
it's nice to meet you too, ayano!
i couldn't provide the help you were asking for,
but i couldn't turn away either,
so words were all i could offer
i hope they did help a bit

[kagepuro]

it did! Talking to someone as kind as you could help with any problem...☺️

[appraiser]

i'm glad! you can call or text me whenever you want, problem or no problem （*´▽｀*）

[kagepuro]

wait wait dont go!!

I have one more thing i want to ask for advice about...

[appraiser]

i'm still here
what do you want to talk about?

[kagepuro]

um...

If you had a friend that was in trouble...

But the friend didn't want you to help them...and pushed you away

What would you do?

[appraiser]

hmm...
i'm pretty stubborn, so i would try to help them anyways, if i were able to help
even if they get mad at me
because i want them to know that i'm there for them
and that they don't have to face things alone
i've made a lot of people mad by doing this, but i don't think i could do anything else
i don't know if it's the right thing to do
it's just what i do

what about you?
what would you do?

[kagepuro]

heh...same...

I'd try to help them anyway...

And just screw everything up by trying...

[appraiser]

i think the trying matters just as much as whether or not you were able to help
i've been in the other situation too, pushing people away, trying to get through things on my own
i was upset that people were trying to get close when i kept telling them not to
but
i was also really happy that i had people like that
who still wanted to try

[kagepuro]

what if they did something really bad to you?

Would you stop trying to help?

[appraiser]

it depends on what they did
if my help was too pushy and they retaliated,
i would probably give them space
and try again later
but i won't stop trying

[kagepuro]

...can i tell you something in private