second strike.

[tire]

how do u tell yourself u deserve something even when u think u might not?
and how do u make that feeling stop ???

its dumb i want it 2 stop. i keep running 2 try and make it go away but its starting to effect me every day instead of just at night b4 bed.
looking 4 suggestions!!! thank u!

[ and then, added as if maybe he didn't mean to hit enter. ]

am i still the other me from the weird hallucinomemory whatevers?

Comments

[doitrockapella]

What is it that makes you think you don't deserve the thing in question?

What you're describing isn't an unusual feeling. Sometimes getting to the root of what's making you feel that way is the first step toward remedying it.

[tire]

i got a hallucinomemory when i was talking 2 one of my friends
and then i got the thing the memory was abt in the mail from retrospec

sawamura has always been a little superstitious
it feels like a sign

[doitrockapella]

A sign, hm.

Was it a good memory or a bad one?

[kagepuro]

its hard and it takes time, i think...can i ask that you elaborate? You seem pretty down...

But if I'm being honest, i think the only you is you! The stuff from the dreams may affect us, but it doesn't erase us, you know??

[tire]

im the ace at recolle high school!! its a rly big deal
iworked rly, rly, rly, rly hard for it
and im rly young still so its a big deal

but i had 1 of those memories abt me, playing and it all looked the same
(except there was blue)
and they gave me a # but it wasn't the 1
i think i was trying rly hard to get the 1.. and i only got to move up 2 spots
so instead of being the worst person on the team i was the 3rd worst
i thought it was a dream
and then i got the 18 number in the mail

[kagepuro]

Wait, that's you?? Eijun, right? You play with Mochi...
You're really cool!

Well, here's how I would look at it...You may have memories from being like, not the ace, and maybe you're remembering not being so great at baseball...But that doesn't mean your other self doesn't start working just as hard at you! And become number one as well! And even if he didn't...that doesn't take away your own achievement or mean it's going to go away. It's just...a look into a place where things happened different?

just my two pennies....

[undergrowl]

You're you.
That's all that matters, Sawamura.

What was the memory this time.

[ He's not going to talk about the rest right away, because it feels like... he needs to get context to dissect this. Hallucinomemories have told him that, no matter what, Eijun is a part of his life. So he needs more to work with. ]

[tire]

wherever i went school before, that place w/ the miyuki guy
i never moved over an 18
i got it in the mail

[undergrowl]

[ Ugh the Miyuki guy. But - ]

You're the ace here.
You worked to get that number here, same as I worked to get mine.
Even if the hallucinomemories and the things we get turn out to be real, that is, too.
Our battery, our team, our positions. Those are all ours because we made them ours.
I don't give a damn what Retrospec says or shows or gives us. None of it makes this any less real.

[judgementkazzy]

You are whoever you want to be.
Whether it's the person you remember or the person you are now.
You decide what you do with the things from before.
At least that's what I think.

Is that what's been bothering you?

[tire]

thats rly thoughtful...!!!
i think i agree w/ u too
its just scary! this person was *me* and ive felt disappointed b4 when it comes to baseball but
not like that
i dont think i like it when ppl dont recognize me or my hard work
at all


yeah... was it obvious??? haha

[judgementkazzy]

That's understandable.
I think whoever we turn out to be is bound to be a mix of our lives before and the lives we have here.
Even if we remember bad stuff happening, we can work on trying to prevent that from happening again.
Kind of like learning from your old mistakes.
Or taking a look at that and deciding what you want to do.

It's okay to be worried.
It's weird enough for me and I'm an adult, I can't imagine what you kids are going through.
You're really tough.

action

[handstrike]

[A knock arrives at the door of Eijun's bedroom not long after he presses "post". If there's one thing that's managed to span across all alternate universes where Ryousuke exists, it's his alarming sense of timing.

And because he's not terribly polite, especially when it comes to Eijun, the door swings open before he's even given permission to enter.

He's got two mugs of something warm in his hand, and that usual smile.]

You missed this week's Your Lie in May.

;___;

[tire]

[ eijun doesn't look like he's in tears or anything when ryousuke approaches. he still seems off though, a different eijun than his usual, overly excited self. he's almost pensive. maybe he's growing up??

either way, seeing his big brothe gets his attention immediately, and he sits up properly where he'd been laying in bed, texting on his phone. ] --I did?!

[ what?! he'd never miss an episode...!! ] I guess I was busy with all the retrospec stuff...

[handstrike]

Retrospec stuff?

[If there's any sense of recognition, it doesn't show on his expression. Ryousuke only sits himself on the edge of Eijun's bed and holds out one of the mugs of milk for him to take.]

That's unlike you.

[An individual like Ryousuke's little brother changes any room he enters. He's a natural moodmaker; the air seems to shift, his very presence turning the tide of a losing game. Conversely, when Eijun isn't his usual self the sudden heaviness is difficult for anyone to miss. ]

[commandertoolbelt]

dude you're one of the nicest people i know
why wouldn't you deserve whatever it is

[tire]

LEO THATS VRY NICE !!!
but its not abt if im nice
its abt my talent
thank u for saying such a nice thing!!

[commandertoolbelt]

well if you weren't talented you wouldn't be on the baseball team

[ it always comes down to baseball with this guy so that must be what this is about ]

[sotenbori]

do you need to talk

[tire]

maybe
idk
retrospec is confusing, boss

[sotenbori]

i know it is

whats this about not feeling like you deserve it?

[cheetahsenpai]

do i need to come down there to talk to you?
what's going on?

[tire]

kuramochisenpai!!
have u had any memories abt a place where we played baseball bsides in recolle...

[admiringly]

eijun...
who do you want to be?
the hallucinomemories shouldn't be ignored but they also shouldn't take over your life
what don't you think you deserve?

[tire]

i dont want it 2 take over my life
i just wanna kno what it means!!
i remembered... i guess
me getting a number 18 in a number system when i had been #20
and i dont think i wouldve cared or anything but
i got it in the mail
so its real....