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[recollecters]

Greetings, Users. Our system may be experiencing some residual glitches from a recent network malfunction. Our technical team is working on getting these issues under control. Please direct any concerns in the meantime to the HR department at humanresources@retrospec.com. Our staff has furthermore noticed a significant increase in tags and trends for #aprilfools and #pranks. Keep on your toes and be certain to tag your best tricks for Retrospec™! Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Any emails sent to the HR department will be returned with a failure to send notification, and will furthermore automatically be posted to the Retrospec network. Oops? Characters who have been in game for one month will find they can now change their profile pictures. Glitches will be in effect until the 15th and may include: -Usernames changing to a cat, dog, or bird pun. -The Retrospec application being changed into a neon color + animal theme of some variety. -Notifications going off at random and being unable to be turned off. -Various "special effects" crossing the screens when people comment. -Users having to beat a level of pac-man to access the application, and then being made to beat a new level every hour to keep using the application. -Thomas the Tank Engine memes being sent to users every hour for some reason. -Profile pictures being replaced by pictures of rabbits and easter eggs. -New creepy pasta stories appearing upon log-in, to be forwarded to someone before the app can continue to be used -Parental lock and auto-correct on cursing (i.e. fuck -> duck) -A parade of pixel Chocobos or dancing fruit scrolling across the screen after each comment posted

Comments

[parodeity]

i think the shades really ducking sell it
what
oh come the duck on

[notyourutopian]

I just love his adorable little thug hat.
Except I think it's a newsie hat.

...Ducking?
You alright over there Dave?

[parodeity]

holy heck
what the duck
shit

ok shit seems to be ok
what the heck thats so weak
this is so weak

im ready to start a rebellion now this is worse than horses

[notyourutopian]

Oh so you weren't just being a hipster you seriously can't curse?
Duck

shit piss duck funk hatseller morterfiller tits

Georgie Carlin would be so self-satisfied right now.

bloody heck?

Oh hey I can still say bloody that's something.

[parodeity]

are you saying this stupid thing wants us all to be british now
this is anti american

[notyourutopian]

Only if you do the accent.
More people should have a great accent like me.

I think a lot of americans say bloody now too though.
Probably too much monty python as kids.

[parodeity]

i mean i never have
im more a fan of the f word which is not fudge or duck
you know
it just feels most natural?

[notyourutopian]

It does have a certain impact.
That duck just lacks.
Maybe we need to get more creative.

[parodeity]

yeah that aint hard
its not like you NEED to use cursewords to curse
or like
tell someone how ridiculous you think they are
in fact i always admire it more when people do the impact without the bluntforce weapons you know

[notyourutopian]

We could pull a sci-fi show trick.
And go around shouting 'frak' and 'fraking fridge' and everyone will know what we mean and it'll be a clever little pun that we think we snuck past the sensors.

[parodeity]

that feels so cheap though you know
and like were censoring ourselves but like going
haha but its not REALLY a censor because we MEAN this thing
i always rolled my eyes @ that solution

[notyourutopian]

So we need to make a whole new swear lexicon.
Words with the appropriate amount of punch and gravitas but that won't set off whatever this stupid new censor thing is.
God I hope this isn't permanent.

[parodeity]

same
i would have to use an entirely different weird hallucinogenic media app
which doesnt exist
man wheres the competitor

[notyourutopian]

I hadn't thought about that.
This thing has existed for a hot minute already.
There should be at least five chinese knockoffs by now.
Rebrosprec and Terosprech and Retrospeckle and Spectrorewind.

...

Actually I kind of like that last one.

[parodeity]

i kind of like retrospeckle its like its not even trying
but we could brand name hop to people who let us like
shit
choose our own usernames
can you imagine?
we would be overcome with raw power then

[notyourutopian]

I'm not sure I'm emotionally prepared for that kind of unlimited choice, Dave.
Next you'll be suggesting we be allowed to erase our own profiles.
Or change our pictures whenever we want
That's surely the path of madness!

[parodeity]

yeah i know wed end the world with that kind o unlimited power
i mean
shit
maybe wed even do something like change our reading themes?
you know one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse is flipping your theme from pink to red right

[notyourutopian]

Mine seems to be stuck on 'easter egg'.
I had to turn the brightness down on my phone.

[There's a three minute delay here.]

Or if it could at least stop MAKING ME PLAY BLOODY PACMAN TO USE MY PHONE

[parodeity]

are you at least getting better at it
do you want me to send you pac man cheats
tips and tricks 2 git good

[notyourutopian]

Well I only died four times this go so I guess I'm getting better.
But I'm not going to say no to some kind of secret pacman voodoo.

[parodeity]

http://www.wikihow.com/Win-in-Pac-Man
wikihow = gospel

[notyourutopian]

That is a very in-depth guide to a game that I am pretty sure you could fit inside a word document.

Wow.

Maybe it'll help...

[parodeity]

man thats not even my fave wikihow like
http://www.wikihow.com/Act-Like-a-Mermaid-at-School

how do you top this

[notyourutopian]

Wow.
Whoever wrote that deserves a medal.
Except
How are they walking around as mermaids with legs and still talking?
Isn't that like, the basic rule of the curse?
Legs = no voice

[parodeity]

i think that sometimes like in fiction theres like
mermaids that only go mer when they touch water
or whatever?