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[recollecters]

Greetings, Users. Our system may be experiencing some residual glitches from a recent network malfunction. Our technical team is working on getting these issues under control. Please direct any concerns in the meantime to the HR department at humanresources@retrospec.com. Our staff has furthermore noticed a significant increase in tags and trends for #aprilfools and #pranks. Keep on your toes and be certain to tag your best tricks for Retrospec™! Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Any emails sent to the HR department will be returned with a failure to send notification, and will furthermore automatically be posted to the Retrospec network. Oops? Characters who have been in game for one month will find they can now change their profile pictures. Glitches will be in effect until the 15th and may include: -Usernames changing to a cat, dog, or bird pun. -The Retrospec application being changed into a neon color + animal theme of some variety. -Notifications going off at random and being unable to be turned off. -Various "special effects" crossing the screens when people comment. -Users having to beat a level of pac-man to access the application, and then being made to beat a new level every hour to keep using the application. -Thomas the Tank Engine memes being sent to users every hour for some reason. -Profile pictures being replaced by pictures of rabbits and easter eggs. -New creepy pasta stories appearing upon log-in, to be forwarded to someone before the app can continue to be used -Parental lock and auto-correct on cursing (i.e. fuck -> duck) -A parade of pixel Chocobos or dancing fruit scrolling across the screen after each comment posted

Comments

Username: Elliecat

[notyourutopian]

Never thought I'd miss seeing my real name on here.
Elliecat though? Really? Is that an alleycat joke?

Ugh whatever.

So I am apparently bloody awful at pacman.
But I did it.
I died like eight times trying to get this app to load but I did it.

And do you want to know what my reward was?
What the balm at the end of my Pac Man Torture was?



That.

Totally worth it.

So has anyone noticed anything else weird yet?
Besides all the glitches I mean.
Cows aren't dinosaurs or grass isn't razors now or anything right?

[parodeity]

i think the shades really ducking sell it
what
oh come the duck on

[strongestheart]

Maya Aidoggo Wait, they HAVE a technical team?!
Maya Aidoggo And an email address?!
Maya Aidoggo ...WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NAME
Maya Aidoggo AND WHY IS THE APP BRIGHT NEON PINK although I guess the bunny theme is cute even if this is kind of mean with the stuff that's been flying through my head.

[clear_eyes]

Rachat Hishimura Why do I have a feeling the email address is another trap?
Rachat Hishimura ... Wait, my name is different too!

[godcards]

[ Username: Meowlik Ishtar ]

Of course something else has gone wrong. Why even bother posting that you're trying to fix it when something else is surely going to break once this is resolved? This is a waste of everyone's time.
How is it even possible that no one even noticed the eye-searing colors OR thought it was a good idea? How can one company be so inept at EVERYTHING?

[appraiser]

mm, status update? keeping the user base current may be their way of showing courtesy
you know how bugs are: you fix one, create a dozen more
they're trying

[notbunaga]

spPawkinobu Tairawr spalright ill bite how did you guys fudge up this time

spPawkinobu Tairawr spoh holy heck

(i wont be using this formatting for replies i just wanted to top level with it)

[parodeity]

holy shit i want to make a joke but its like
where do i ducking start
*effing
**no that sounds stupid too

[standalonehuman]

To Whom It May Concern:

Greetings. My name is Hitori Togusa, I am one of the users on the Retrospec Network, and I thank you for putting up a method of contact for your organization. There have been a number of concerns about the Retrospec application to date, and we users haven't seen an effective way to bring them to your attention.

1: Since the launch of the application, the program's Terms of Service have not been made public to the user base. We are still unclear on the limits to the information that Retrospec has access to, and the possible liability incurred by some glitches in the application's functioning so far. We would like the opportunity to read through the conditions, ourselves.

2: As of yet, there is no method of age filtering of posts, nor does there appear to be a content control team on your end. If, going forwards, this email address is the method to report inappropriate postings, that would be fine, but we have seen no way to flag posts so far.

3: Related to the Terms of Service, the application seems to have access to the phones cameras and microphones and has been posting data from those sources to the network without any user control. If that is the intent of the application, the user base needs to be made aware of that, and if it isn't, then that is a major malfunction on your end that needs to be fixed immediately.

I would love the opportunity to discuss these issues with someone at the company, but your physical office never seems to be open. If you could also post office hours, or the contact of someone that we could make an in-person appointment with, that would also be very helpful.

Thank you for your time,
Hitori Togusa

[Two minutes later.]

Hitori Togusa I'll take "Things I should have seen coming" for 1000, Alex.

[notyourutopian]

Eleanor Lamb Oh my god did you really try messaging that email address?
Eleanor Lamb What were you expecting to happen?

[wiselys]

[ all of annabeth's posts and comments appear to come from... bark2-d2. ]

to: humanresources@retrospec.com
from: bananabeth01@gmail.com

I'll genuinely be surprised if this email actually reaches anyone, and shocked if I get a reply. Please respond if possible, and I'll be happy to detail my grievances.

[ once she gets the failure to send notification, then comes back to see her email posted to retrospec itself: ]

Gee. What a disappointment. Didn't see that coming at all.

[chiseler]

Steven Squawking am I allowed to say "I told you so" even if you sent it without telling me?

[glacian]

Gentiana Illyria I demand for the ability to delete this horrid application.
Gentiana Illyria I do not celebrate April's Fools nor do I wish to celebrate.
Gentiana Illyria Stop subjugating me to such foolishness.

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa Looks like they're not listening again.
Hitori Togusa I'm stuck back on the question of whether this is malicious, or whether Retrospec is just truly awful at what they're trying to do.

Hitori Togusa Can I ask an odd question?

[aegist]

Cindy Clawford joke's on you, I'm actually really good at pac-man.
Cindy Clawford wait, what.
Cindy Clawford i'm not sure if this username is better or worse.
Cindy Clawford whatever. the only issue i have with the pac-man thing is the lack of high scores.
Cindy Clawford i'd kick all yoru asses?

[chiseler]

Steven Squawking *your
Steven Squawking wendy. cindy. anything else I should start calling you?

username: pade woof

[rhapsodeity]

sp sphurray!!!!!! it is usable now i love my lime green doggie look <3 it is so so so adorable! :D

sp spwait no whats that profile picture and username! noooooooooooooo

[parodeity]

neon pink cats
ill trade you

[commandertoolbelt]

Fleao Valdez okay but has this app EVER really worked
Fleao Valdez wait what
Fleao Valdez you've got to be kidding me
Fleao Valdez that's not even that funny!

[aegist]

Cindy Clawford i think it's pretty funny.

[5kotai]

Mewsei Sakameowto Ryusei why haven't you changed your password yet...
Mewsei Sakameowto My Retrospec app has a parental lock on it now? I guess my phone is locked down too, because the pop-up to verify permission keeps getting in the way. So I'm borrowing
Mewsei Sakameowto WAIT WHAT DID I DO TO RYUSEI'S PHONE HE'S A DOG PERSON NOT A CAT PERSON THERE ARE CATS ALL OVER IT

[okitactless]

Pomesada Yamato Ehhh, you broke it... that's not very nice

[Yamato is a bad person but look, Ryusei deserves this??]

un: jack dawgs

[hjack69]

ok what the frickle frack is this bullpockey
if youre not going to let me cuss i dont want to be alive

[parodeity]

+10
but i guess we just have to get creative
save the f bombs for nuclear armageddon irl
and do some linguistic tangoing on this stupid app

[trueend]

Purina Friskies can we ask retrospec to delete itself
Purina Friskies i dont want more scary stories????
Purina Friskies thought i got rid of them last month 💀💀💀

[appraiser]

Crowji Mochickuki i like scary stories!
Crowji Mochickuki which ones did you get?
Crowji Mochickuki the ones where you have to send it to a dozen people by midnight or else you'll die?

un: elizardbeth woof

[tearable]

to: humanresources@retrospec.com
from: retrobilly1912@gmail.com

Honestly, this is the biggest shot in the dark but — if you're actually receiving e-mails, I'd like to know how you've received our information to sign us up for this service. I know it's common knowledge that some newsletters sell their database of e-mails to telemarketers, but — there's laws against that, isn't there?

If you have not obtained our e-mail addresses such as that, how are you determining those for alpha users, beta users, etc etc. There are people who wish to opt out of this service and you're denying them. There's a ToS for a reason!

And stop sending my daughter fruit! Fruit with faces on it! What the HELL is wrong with you?!

---

[ A moment later, in a separate message: ]

Oh, wonderful.

[hjack69]

ELIZARDBETH
LMAO

[ that's. that's pretty much it. ]

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd Duck.
Barkson Pawd Fudge.
Barkson Pawd Oh, for pup's sake.
Barkson Pawd I do not vouch for arsony, but on a scale of one to ten how bad an idea would it be to burn down the whole Retrospec building? You know, just asking for a friend.

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa Nine, with ten being reserved for discussing the idea of burning down a building on a network with multiple police officers and firefighters on it.

[parodeity]

hey im requesting more free to play phone games
i actually dont mind the required pacman time but like
can we get some variety
maybe throw in some frogger if were doing oldschool shit that belongs in the arcades
shit frogger would be too cool for this app what am i thinking
hard drivin' is totally more their speed
that was not a hard write of my accent btw thats actually an arcade game

*all of that but not red for the love of god

[hjack69]

+1 on frogger
i flippin love frogger
also spy hunter i am SO good at spy hunter

[scarlet_devil]

Émilie Écarlate What ducking nonsense is this? Neon green?

Émilie Écarlate Wait. Duck. Female dog. Since when is a swearing filter on this thing??

Émilie Écarlate Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculer ta mère. Well, swearing in my native French still works.

[true_noir]

BlakKat Be Careful, Emilie.
BlakKat They make take our swearing away from us at this rate.

[chiseler]

Steven Squawking so. anybody got any good pacman tips?
Steven Squawking other ideas might be good too but logic doesn't seem like their strong point so why bother?

[parodeity]

http://www.wikihow.com/Act-Like-a-Mermaid-at-School
wikihow is your best friend my man

[caelestialis]

Ainmalsy Furay Meowodora I'm so torn right now!!
Ainsley Feray Menodora On one hand animal puns and an animal theme for my application which is very cute.
Ainsley Feray Menodora On the other hand it kind of hurts my eyes to see this much neon hues packed into such a little screen.

[notyourutopian]

Elliecat Could be worse.
Elliecat My theme seems to be some kind of easter egg

[true_noir]

BlakKat The video game I could tolerate, as it can be learned.
BlakKat The rest is silly, and really I can put up with your collective silliness at this point.
BlakKat However, I wish to know something very important.
BlakKat Which of you three put a knife in amongst my unmentionables?

[caelestialis]

Ainmalsy Furay Meowodora A knife?! I'm pretty sure this is breaking laws at some point.
Ainmalsy Furay Meowodora You're not hurt, are you?

[rednerd]

Timmingbird 4/1 near Apprassage

HR is a bust. What a surprise. Dear Nonexistent Retrospec HR: if I wanted to play Pac-Man, I would just go to the arcade. Please fire your coder, Hal 9000.

[aegist]

Cindy Clawford i want to make fun of the pun name but i can't properly do so as cindy clawford.
Cindy Clawford this is so unfair?
Cindy Clawford also, accurate reference re: hal 9000.

Username: Augustine Sauveterrier

[megabond]

To: humanresources@retrospec.com
From: augustsauve1988@gmail.com

Ever since the launch of this app, these glitches are beginning to invade most of the users' privacy. Also as what others said, you need to release the Terms of Service for us to know about this app such as myself.

And as I've suggested this before, I request you add some age filtering features as well an age limit to these younger users to prevent them from being exposed from inappropriate content.

Last but not least, I would request to open a support website so users can reach to you about these glitches and other troubleshooting problems.

I hope this e-mail will reach to you on time. I hope you have a good day.

[A few minutes after he got a notification that his e-mail is failed to sent, he is completely shocked to see his e-mail as a Retrospec post.]

Augustine Sauveterrier Of course, this happens...
Augustine Sauveterrier This can't be a coincedence.

[Because these glitches happening on April 1st is too much of a coincidence for him.]

[clear_eyes]

Rachat Hishimura Ah, so that's what happens when you try to e-mail them.
Rachat Hishimura It's not a trap but it's still inconvenient.

[ripplebeat]

it keeps sending me this video?? i put it on loop actually and my room mates keep telling me to shut the duck up but it's just genuinely a good jam LMFAO retrospec does something right for once but only on accident

*duck
*DUCK

OH GOD DANG IT COME ON

un: May Sfurry

[me_matey]

YO DUDE

CHECK DIS SNIZZLE OUT

[rygdea]

Fynn Ibizania 4/1 near Recollé

Every-#@$%ing month is something @#$%ing new with these stupid #@$%! I'm getting tired if this crap, Retrospec! A little sick and tired of it all. Someone fix my damn last name! I'm not a dog!

[godcards]

At least yours is subtle.

[ says user Meowlik Ishtar ]

[counteracts]

[Forwarded from a user by the name of Morgnyan Isaacs...]

So I heard about this from a friend of mine, actually about someone else that she'd met through the network. She said that she'd randomly received an erroneous message from him and, after getting over the shock and embarrassment of it, got to know him a little better. He was a shy kid in high school, sort of alienated from classmates and who had never really found his niche, and his parents weren't really the type to give too much help. She thought he seemed nice enough, though a little lonely, so she talked to him a little every day, about things they liked or funny things that happened or that they noticed. As time went on, he seemed to talk a bit better, and he seemed far more open also.

[...This creepypasta got a little long to post in its entirety, so please feel free to read the rest of it here! (:

And after all that...]

yeah, so it wouldn't let me sign in unless I shared it
so watch out for stuff like that

[hjack69]

wow laaaaaaaame
wheres the axe murder or the spooky computer ghosts
i give this 1 out of 5 skeletons