text; can you let me out? can you set me free from this dark inner world?

[truedetective]

[Why, what is this text message going out in the middle of the night?

It's someone who's hoping that not only will everyone be consumed with larger matters of what's happening in the world around them, but who will be fast asleep and not get this.

She knows she has to do this. She knows she needs to be honest with everyone, that she can't keep just hiding behind her assumed identity anymore.

It doesn't mean Naoto has to like it.]

"To thine own self be true." It's kind of a cliche saying at this point.
That doesn't make it inaccurate.

I can't think of any subtle or sensitive way to say this, so I might as well just be blunt: I've been keeping a secret from everyone as long as I've been living in this city. I haven't been honest.
While I've been outwardly presenting as male for quite some time now, I am-- and have always been-- a girl.

I apologize to anyone who feels that I've lied to them or deceived them. I'm sorry.
I hope this won't lead any of you to think differently of me, but that may be asking too much.

Good night.

[She hits send, and immediately regrets doing this at all. Oh god, this was a mistake.]

Comments

[standalonehuman]

Does it, though? Does it have to change things now?

I can respect your decision to keep your biological gender a secret. I don't need to grill you for your reasons behind it. You only need to take a quick look around the gender ratio of the bullpen to know you'd face more difficulties coming out as a woman in this job. So before you think it, no, I don't blame you.

What made you decide to share this publicly?

[truedetective]

I can't imagine it won't. People who might have otherwise thought I trusted them completely now know I was keeping a major, critical secret. I'd rather not go into specifics, but suffice it to say that this secret caused someone not inconsiderable grief. I'd like to prevent that.

[standalonehuman]

Fair. So long as someone didn't pressure you into doing it.

You trust me enough to listen to me. That's really all I need. There are parts of your life that are not any of the business of the people you work with. So, while you felt the time was right to reveal this to us, please don't feel pressured to do the same to everyone at the Department. Only if and when it's something that you feel comfortable with.

What do you want to happen from here?

[truedetective]

Honestly, in an ideal world, literally nothing would change. I might use the other bathroom now, but I would prefer that be the extent of it.

[standalonehuman]

Would you be more comfortable with people continuing to refer to you with male pronouns? Is that preference different in versus out of the Department?

[truedetective]

To be honest, probably. But then that would only delay the inevitable reckoning. I have to stop sometime. Why not now?

[standalonehuman]

My question is, do you really have to? It seems more outwardly honest to be referring to you as a woman. But is that really true to yourself? Have you felt like the male Naoto Shirogane has been a lie to yourself?

[truedetective]

Please don't mistake me, Officer Togusa. At no point have I ever seen myself as anything but female. Merely been cognizant of its drawbacks and wished that weren't the case.

[standalonehuman]

I understand, and can't agree with you hard enough, there.

Then, let me reiterate. I don't feel lied to. And I still trust you as a colleague. And I'll do what you need to support you with the Department.

I respect your decision a lot. This is very brave of you to to.

[truedetective]

Thank you. That does mean a lot to me. More than you can really know.