A wish.

[livingimpaired]

[ The Holy Grail. He does not recall exactly what it is, but from what he gathers from the brief memory with the "King of Heroes," it is something to wish upon. And Kei's other self would allow that man to "wish for death." What does that mean? No, he understands it simply, but there is more said and unsaid than he can unravel. ]

With all this business going on, some frivolousness ponderings might be an enjoyable distraction.

Well, then. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? [ A pause. Kei thinks of sending it like that yet he feels that may be too telling. Too telling of what? He's uncertain, but adds more to cover up his uncertainty. ] Though, with Valentine's Day is coming, most are thinking of just wishing for someone to spend that day with, hm? :)

Comments

[manufactured]

Are you enjoying yourself, through curiosity? What with the attempts at analyzing my motivations and all.

[livingimpaired]

A little.

It is another reason why I did this. My fun isn't in wishes since I have none but wondering why people wish for what they wish. If everyone ultimately has a reason soaked in goodwill whether they know it or not, it gives me hope.

[manufactured]

I suppose that's one way of looking at it.

I suppose, in the interest of all of that, it's likely more through a desire to recover things that were lost to me. Relationships that either never had a chance to exist, or ended harshly and prematurely because of me. I have no right to know or care about what happened to any of them, in the end. Selfishness on my part, in the end, but it's ultimately better than what I would have wished for back then.

[livingimpaired]

Indeed.

The wishes that you had before were much crueler, so these sound relatively kind. Indeed, it would seem like no one would be able to answer what you're wondering, but you could find what you're seeking here.

[manufactured]

Theoretically.

Do you really have nothing you would want for yourself?

[livingimpaired]

Theoretically.

And no, there isn't anything that I want or wish for, Albert Wesker. Indeed, I could wish for this emptiness inside of me to fade and be filled with something, but I am not in any pain or discomfort. But I'm not happy yet I'm not unhappy. There's no reason to wish for change, because I'm not suffering.

I don't think anyone should live like this, but I also only know how I am living and know it is abnormal. I do not know how anyone else would be living in my existence, and they may find it more comfortable and "right." So you see, even wishing someone to not be like me isn't something that I really want.

[manufactured]

It's not something that I would expect you to want to change, simply because altering fundamental aspects of oneself is generally a terrible idea.

[livingimpaired]

[ About that-- ]

Indeed. I don't believe I'll be able to change my empty state, but I can change other aspects that surround the emptiness.

[manufactured]

Might I ask what aspects you're referring to?

[livingimpaired]

Yes, that's fine.

It's the aspects that tell me not to get involved to any serious degree. I risk only the bare minimum of myself in anything and nothing of myself. It isn't that I'm lazy, of course. I'm quite the meddling person when I want to be, as you can see, Albert Wesker.

But I don't involve myself deeply in anyone's life, and that feels wrong to me now.

[manufactured]

Might I ask what brought this change about? Assuming you know.

[livingimpaired]

It seems odd to say "the usual" but from what I've come to know of this app, it is best to say.

A few memories returned to me.

[manufactured]

Were they unfortunate?

[livingimpaired]

Yes.

A woman died for my sake. I believe I wanted to save her yet I couldn't. It had me thinking that I'm not involved enough with others to see how cornered they must be feeling. [ Of course, he wanted to save her so that he could kill her himself. He breathes out a long sigh. Omitting the truth like this to someone who said he had killed so many people, indirectly yes, but still -- Kei feels the absolute cruelty behind his memories and in comparison to the hatred and lack of sadism behind Wesker's motivations, he'd rather not mention it. ]

[manufactured]

...My condolences, then.

[Even if you don't particularly care about the woman that bites it, it's always an...Experience when they die for you, um.]

[livingimpaired]

Thank you.

That's why I feel a little shamed about my feelings. Ultimately, I'm attempting to do something good so that I do not witness such a thing, again. Yet your reasons for altering yourself is for the sake of something called "your own sense of humanity," right?

[ Even if he is an empty person, his morals are held firmly in place. He's lacked any sense of curiosity to seek out anything and so he's lived a nothing life that has neither completely benefited or ruined another person's life. It's the best he could hope for, and acquiring memories of calm sadism and cruelty filling in the emptiness -- he'd rather witness that only in memories and not in his current reality. ]

[manufactured]

...I don't know what I would call it at this point. I'm still sorting that much out.

[livingimpaired]

Fair enough.

I apologize if I have caused any discomfort with my assessment, however. I suppose I am feeling a little more biting than usual. This is a process.

[manufactured]

You'll find that I'm difficult to offend. Besides, I can appreciate those who speak their thoughts so bluntly.

[1/2]

[livingimpaired]

Could that be because you believe you deserve any poor treatment?

[livingimpaired]

There are those biting words, again.

[manufactured]

...Slightly, but bluntly put it's more that I don't care for mixed messages.

[livingimpaired]

Then, it would seem you have come to the right person for a lack of mixed messages. Though, I find my honesty to be somewhat off-putting even to myself.

[manufactured]

Perhaps I can see where it would be. At the same time, there's something to be said for knowing where one stands with a person.

[livingimpaired]

I suppose that is an exceptionally positive way to view it.