004. With no alarms, and no surprises

[drydrown]

For those of you who were wondering what happens if those insipid little stones we were given break: I still wouldn't necessarily recommend it until we're certain that it's absolutely nothing, but...



...Well, I certainly don't feel any different, either.

Comments

[blondferret]

[Because you can't remember it, that's why!]

Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. But don't do anything that rash again when it comes to Retrospec. Next time the consequences might (will) probably be a lot worse.

[drydrown]

I honestly imagined I didn't have much to lose at this point. And it isn't as though it killed me, I'm fine.

[Cumore, that isn't an agreement.]

[blondferret]

Mate, what happened to our conversation earlier this month about me telling you I do would actually care if something happens to you? And then, Alex, we agreed to call each other by our first names. Did that pivotal moment in our friendship mean nothing to you ?

[Oh look, Dramatic Derek is coming out to play!]

[drydrown]

[good lord - all right, that sure is happening, um.]

I don't recall saying that it meant nothing...?

[blondferret]

Then why are you doing things that could jeopardize that progress? Did you have any idea what breaking that stone could have done? Nothing to loose my ass! There is always something to loose!

[drydrown]

What would you have me say right now? Fine, something could have happened that might have been an issue. The fact of the matter is that nothing did.

[blondferret]

How about not doing rash things until you talk to someone about it?

[drydrown]

You say that as though it should be easy for me.

[blondferret]

It's not?

[drydrown]

Why should it be? It's like I said before, Derek, I don't have problems. Because rich, beautiful, successful people aren't allowed to have problems, at least not problems that other people can see, and if we do there's something wrong, and we need to deal with it somehow.

My problems, if I have any, are all the sort that can be solved by overworking myself until I can't think anymore, or by getting blackout drunk on a Tuesday night and calling the one other person who crawled out of the same world I did and asking him to come pick me up, because I'm fairly certain he hates me and so I don't care if he respects me in the morning after I have a breakdown in his car. The point is that I don't talk about my problems, and I don't sit there and discuss everything that's running through my head, and I don't see why you would expect me to in the first place.

[...you know, cumore is kind of a fucked up person, in the end.]

[blondferret]

Because I'm your friend, and that's what friends do, they are there for each other.

[drydrown]

[...]

It isn't even as though there's anything else that I can do that would be rash on that level. It doesn't matter anymore; I'm fine, and nothing happened.

There's no sense in worrying about a possibility that hasn't even happened.

[blondferret]

Worrying about the future makes you prepared for anything. For the love of all that makes sense in the world, TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO TO SOMETHING THAT STUPID AGAIN! YOU ARE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS GOD DAMN IT!

[drydrown]

Fine. If I get it into my head to destroy any further parts of my soul, tangible or otherwise, you will be the first to hear about it. Does that make you feel any better...?

[blondferret]

YES IT DOES! I DON'T NEED TO BE LOOSING ANYONE ELSE!

[Oh, look, Derek's abandonment issues are showing. Great going Cumore.]

[drydrown]

[ohhhh shit. okay.

things he's not equipped to deal with: that.
things he is going to try to handle anyway: that.

at least he has the benefit of this being slightly easier in writing, where he can at least filter what he says when he decides to actually try.]

Derek. You aren't going to lose me.

You brought up that conversation we had earlier this month - I told you then that I have no intention of dying or otherwise doing anything completely dire to myself, and I meant it. I'm not keeping anything from you, and I'm not going to do anything further to myself.

Breathe a bit, will you? And don't try to tell me you're calm or it's fine, because the capslock says otherwise. Talk to me.

[blondferret]

Do you realize how lonely it is being me? I lost my birth parents when I was four and I can't even remember them. My adoptive parents and family are great, but none of them are on the app, so there is a lot about my life I can't even talk to them about. My 17 year old sister is on the app, along with one cousin, but there is only so much you can talk to a teenager about and so I often talk to my cousin. There's Matt and Tatsuo, but sometimes they just don't... get me. They are best friends, so they have each other. My best friend is still an NPC, so he has no idea what is going on. And my girlfriend just left me recently. I feel like a lot of my outlets of people to talk to are slipping away. I keep getting in fights with other friends or just other Retrospec users who have issues with my personality. So talking to someone who doesn't seem to judge me for the way that I am is REALLY rare. Where else am I going to find another sarcastic dick like myself? You actually seem to listen to me.

[drydrown]

[...]

I came back to this city because my parents died two years ago. It was sudden. A car accident. My sister resents me, and I have no other family. I have coworkers, and I have acquaintances, but I don't have other friends.

I asked you if you would care if I died because no one else will.

So yes, I understand.

[blondferret]

So, then how would you answer this question: "Would you care of I died?"

[drydrown]

I would be angry with you, I think. Regardless of how it happened. And if it were due to something that was your own fault I would never forgive you.

But it would matter to me.

[blondferret]

See! You'd be angry with me if I died or risked my life! I'm the same way. SO, DON'T BE STUPID!

[drydrown]

[It takes him a moment to reply, because his kneejerk response is to say something agitated and counterproductive and while he normally wouldn't care about the fallout...well, at the moment he does, even if he can't articulate why.

Feelings are such pointless, overcomplicated bullshit, and he's sort of glad that he doesn't have too many of them.

But after taking a moment to just kind of breathe, and think for a bit - ]

Fine. That's fair, I suppose.

What's done is done for now. And I can't guarantee that I won't do anything dangerous just due to the nature of things nowadays - Retrospec makes it impossible to promise that, you know that by now.

But you aren't going to lose me, all right?

[blondferret]

Ok, I believe you. Just, you your brain a bit more and think about the multiple possibilities of the outcome before you do something like that again?

[drydrown]

I've always had something of a temper. If something is bothering me, I don't tend to allow it to continue for very long before dealing with it in the most immediate way that i see fit.

But I'll try to avoid any further soul-destroying, at least.

[blondferret]

Thank you. And remember, you can always talk to me. I'm your friend. You're suppose to talk to me when you are having hard time.