retrospec | [Text] From Late Night

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bungou to alchemist: osamu dazai

[Text] From Late Night

[ I mean she's still out in Magatus but there's a thought which has sort of lingered in the back of her mind for a while now and as such more to clear her mind from thoughts of wolves and the thoughts of her own son (including of all things puns, why??? she's going to put out vaguepost in the form of: ]

So does anyone else have children in the memories they've been getting?

To answer my own question the woman I am in my memories has a son and then her son has three children as well.

[ So this tbh pretty young looking 41 year old is a grandmother in her memories but that's beside the point. ]

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Oh yes, with all of them. Quite close, I'd say!

[ . . . Hmmm ]

Because it would be strange or who the one you recall is?

that must have been nice.

[There are a lot of complicated feelings he does and doesn't have about family. ... he might as well be honest and answer her question, though. It's not like he's hidden his past memories before with others. It's not him anyway, right?]

because he wasn't a good person. i can't imagine him caring for a child.

It was! Or is? It's conflicting to get more memories of them, but I enjoy the pleasant ones.

[ . . . I mean he best friend is a super villain so. ]

Ah, that makes sense though. I'm sorry to hear that, that must be hard on you.

[ Ben Solo. Who is called Ren in person. ... She still hasn't asked about that has she. ]

[Ren hasn't had to explain his name nonsense to anyone yet.]

that's nice. that you can enjoy some of them.

[That's his best attempt at making the thought not sound sarcastic.]

it's aggravating sometimes, but it makes him and his memories easy to separate from me. however we might be alike is nothing compared to the differences.

[Keep telling yourself that, Ren.]

though the fact that i haven't had a pleasant memory yet is another annoyance.

Edited (words???) 2018-02-20 08:54 (UTC)

Not a single one?

[ Christ, that's... a bummer. Though by all accounts it seems like Albert's been the same way...? She frowns at her phone , spinning it in her hands before ... ]

Honestly, there's more similarities I see with me and her over time.

i've remembered what this one ship looks like and things about my weapon, but i'd call them more neutral than positive.

[Ultimately... it's just annoying, like he said. It's not a huge deal. Mostly.]

in your personalities, or something else?

They're a sailor? Or well, star sailor maybe given the weapon...

But yeah, personality, feelings... I can relate a lot of the time.

it was a space ship, yes. called the millennium falcon. i don't know what my connection to it was, but it looked like a piece of junk.

it makes some sense. from what you've said, the both of you are deeply focused on your family. have you felt like you've gotten a benefit from that? being able to relate.

[ Benefit... huh... ]

I'm not sure what to call a benefit or not? I guess it makes it easier? Or at least interesting? That might be "me" after all...

Can a space ship even be a piece of junk?

i'd call making it easier a benefit. the memories are difficult enough to accept in the first place.

i'd try to show you if i could, but it was absolutely garbage. it was filthy, even aside from the loose or missing panels in the wall and wiring and tubing exposed everywhere.

If it was that beat up how could it even survive in space? Aren't space ships supposed to look sleek and clean and such?

you would think. it looked sealed up on the outside, at least. my only guess as to if it worked is, if they had the tech to make laser swords and artificial gravity, maybe even ships that looked like trash could fly.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You have trashy cars and sleek ones... I guess it could be the same for space ships, even if space is a lot less forgiving than a road, so that's a weird picture.

isn't everything, these days? though i guess if everything is weird, it becomes the new normal.

i still can't wrap my head around being in space. one planet has enough problems.

God, yeah. I wonder what that even means for that whole idea that they came across the souls of these people near destroyed worlds. Maybe just the last one he was on, or does that mean something destroyed *space*?

i've been wondering too. if it really is just singular worlds, or if it's more to it than that, and "world" is just the generic term retrospec is using because it applies to most of us. i haven't heard of anyone else who had memories of space travel.

i was already having a hard time believing they could reconstruct a world with nothing more than a handful of people from them. what does it mean if the "worlds" count for more than one?

i can't imagine we'll get any answers. but it's something that comes to mind when i'm bored.

Well I can assure that I don't have surprise space travel unless she lived long enough for that to happen. She didn't even know what a television was when she saw one the first time. I put my hand through the thing.

But no, that's a spooky idea, isn't it?

What's so special about one or another soul to bring back a world or in this case a whole bunch of them? Not that you or I isn't important as an individual, but put next to billions of people?

It seems a little too big, in a way.

that far back? did she happen to live in a castle? it would fit the atmosphere of what i know of her.

i can't imagine being responsible for that many people. not a planet's worth, and definitely not all of space. not to mention the person in my memories was more likely to end lives, not save them.

but maybe if it's true, all of this is karma for him. i just wish i didn't have to get dragged into it.

Mmm no, I'm not sure when she was born? But I know she was in her 20s and lived in a stately manor at the time. They moved to Japan and got a smaller manor there and lived there for two hundred years? I'm not sure which time period either was those other than she was born before the 1850s I'm pretty sure. Probably in the 1700s or before.

Don't think of it like karma. Or at least, try not to.

[ Alber...t... ]

Or if you must, keep that in mind that it's not the current yours.

a manor. not as grand but still appropriate.

[Vampires always get the cool stuff. According to fiction, anyway.]

i know it's not mine. i'm not innocent, but i haven't done anything close to what he did. still, it's difficult not to blame him for some of what's happened to me.

[ Mmmm, at least it's different than Albert's take. ]

Yeah, it's a manor.

But good, I mean... no, I can't blame you for that, no.

it just makes me want to refuse to go the way he did or pursue his goals. that would be his karma too, wouldn't it? to have his future reincarnation spit in the face of what he wanted.

even without that, i want to prove none of us have to be forced into anything because of whatever our past selves did. maybe we can't control what we remember or the physical changes, but the choice of what to do with them is ours.

[And that's why everything about Retrospec pisses him off—the lack of choice. He wants to be in control of his own life.]

Yeah, precisely! There's nothing which can make us *entirely* those people we supposedly are. A soul isn't a blueprint, or at least not one which determines everything. I'm sure of it.

even if retrospec were capable of it, they'd regret it with me. i doubt he was the grateful type. or that he'd be reformed enough not to kill whoever got in his way.

[What do you mean it's unsettling to think about your current self being erased and that you'd turn into a mass murderer.]

[ She presses her lips together and then opens them again, ]

I imagine that's true of a number of people, really.

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