005. Text // my world is unaffected

[manufactured]

It's been some time since Retrospec has properly dropped some sort of identity crisis on us, though I suppose it's good to know that we're getting a bit more information out of them now than we were in the past; I'm in no way looking down on small favors and silver linings. Just the same, I wonder for the time being where that leaves us - I know I've asked a few of you about this in the past, and I'm sure that a fair amount of you have made your decisions regarding it since.

I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.

Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.

I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.

Comments

[thesettingsun]

I think I've said this before, but past me's faults are my faults turned up to 11. If I remember him and tell myself that I won't ever turn out like that, that inspires me to work harder at self-improvement to make sure it doesn't happen.

If he and I are the exact same person, then 'never turning out like that' is already impossible.

[manufactured]

Perhaps, but isn't that also denying your past life any possibility for improvement or change? What has come to pass will always be, but if things are kept separate like that, "what has come to pass" is also all the potential it will ever have.

tw: suicidal implications

[thesettingsun]

Past me was plenty fine with denying himself any possibility for improvement or change. If that's how he wanted to end his story, I don't feel any obligation to continue it.

[manufactured]

I would argue that you don't have much choice in the matter, were I interested in starting an argument.

[thesettingsun]

I'm less interested in a philosophical debate, or even necessarily being correct, than I am in having a stance that lets me make the most of the life I'm living right now.

So I'll have to turn down that argument now.

[manufactured]

Hence "were I interested" - the fact of the matter is that I'm not.

[thesettingsun]

I'm a little interested in your calming conclusion.

[manufactured]

It's calming to me, personally, though I know for a fact that you won't find it to be such.

From what I understand, I wasn't granted much free will, if any, in my past life. While I had a choice, regarding what I decided to do and what I eventually became, it's difficult to say what may have happened if I was given any agency over my life rather than having my life's purpose decided for me.

Needless to say, it also wasn't a terribly pleasant purpose.

Who I am now is who I always was - my past life and I are certainly the same person. I'm not receiving changes and memories from someone else, nor am I being expected to turn into anything but what I was already. But in this life, I have the opportunity to decide for myself where things will go, and how they end.

I want to see what I become when I'm given a choice. If I manage to find something worth salvaging, or if I fall as I did before. Either way, there's an element of personal control there that wasn't before.

[thesettingsun]

I see how that would work for you. If I'd been denied that kind of agency in my past life, I might take the same point of view.

I hope you find something positive at the end of your road, this time.

[manufactured]

My choices were ultimately my own back then, and the actions that I decided to take as a result of those choices are unforgivable. That much is undeniable fact. However, I can accept that the basis behind those choices were also highly influenced by circumstance.

...It's complicated. Infuriatingly so.

Regardless, the possibility that this life may have a positive outcome isn't one I'm going to deny, nor is it something I'm going to turn down.

[thesettingsun]

Serious question: has anything related to Retrospec ever not been complicated?

[manufactured]

The mistletoe bats were fairly straightforward.

[wesker no]

[thesettingsun]

You could get them to go away with chocolate kisses and they sang one particular Christmas song (which I now hate twice as much as before). I'd say that adds at least a small layer of complexity.

[manufactured]

Believe me, I'm entirely aware of the song and the level of ire it inspires.

Jaeger found them positively adorable.

[thesettingsun]

I worry for his taste sometimes.

[manufactured]

I try not to question it too much at this point; to his credit, he does me the same courtesy.

[thesettingsun]

This is probably part of why you work so well.

[manufactured]

...I suppose.

[he is still so awkward about openly discussing relationships, what the heck]

[thesettingsun]

I'll try not to embarrass you on a public network post.

[manufactured]

[mnnnnnngh...]

It's appreciated.

[thesettingsun]

You're welcome. Say hi to him for me the next time you see him.