Albert Wesker (
manufactured) wrote in
retrospec2018-03-12 12:50 am
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005. Text // my world is unaffected
It's been some time since Retrospec has properly dropped some sort of identity crisis on us, though I suppose it's good to know that we're getting a bit more information out of them now than we were in the past; I'm in no way looking down on small favors and silver linings. Just the same, I wonder for the time being where that leaves us - I know I've asked a few of you about this in the past, and I'm sure that a fair amount of you have made your decisions regarding it since.
I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.
Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.
I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.
I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.
Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.
I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.
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My feelings haven't changed much. I can't separate him completely from myself, but just accepting him as 'me' feels like it would keep me from trying to be a better person than him, or at least make it more difficult.
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tw: suicidal implications
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Do you at least consider the abilities to be at all worth it?
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Now? I'm not so sure. There's a whole lot less "him" vs "me" and more just "me."
Not entirely, but right now I feel like most of the discrepancies can be summed up by my still being mostly human.
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What were you then, if you don't mind my asking?
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I said at the start that I would see no difference in the person I will remember and who I am. I feel it is silly to go back on that.
But the person I remember is a dick. I do not use such words lightly, and I rarely ever insult anyone, but I find myself to be evil in thought and just a poor human in action.
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And yet you're willing to accept those notions and take them on yourself anyway...? That's almost admirable.
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if anything, i'm still kind of scared by these memories, to be honest. they serve to me as a reminder on what my path could be if i went in another direction completely.
still, to be honest, if i were to put it in my past self's words from what i remember of him so far... my current life would probably be his dream life.
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I understand, however, with regards to the knowledge that this is what I could be were I to choose to take a different path. I can't say I like that notion, but I also can't say that it's an impossible thought, either.
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But regardless of my opinion on the matter, I want that world in my memories to exist again. I don't want all the people in it to disappear forever, even if they wouldn't be the same and probably wouldn't like me.
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I'm not surprised that that's your stance, however, concerning the world in your memories.
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as the dude in charge of bullshit time travel my opinions of my own chronology are probably a little unique though
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I haven't worked out my own timeline of events outside of vague indications I've gotten of what goes where; it's something of a headache without the possible complications of time travel involved.
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he's more just an example of how i could've been if my circumstances were different
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You prefer that sort of distance from it, then?
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But in all fairness, I haven't remembered all that much yet, so my opinion's bound to change at some point.
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i guess i dont really see a difference between him and me at all
that other me is just a past life
or at least thats how i think about it
its still me
just a different me
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I think of it similarly, I suppose.
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I respect that a lot of other people have a different perspective, and if they are instead getting some inspiration from what they are seeing? Learning what they think they can become? Then I can support that.
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i mean the one down side is that i keep turning into more of a weirdo freak but like
i'm ok with being him!!!
if he could do it then so can i
he's done all the stuff that i always dreamed about
like that's kind of inspiring or whatever
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What sort of changes are we talking about, however...?
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i find it more comfortable to refer to her as someone other than myself, though i'm aware that isn't entirely true, either...
but for the sake of myself and relationships she had, and that i have, i think it's for the best to differentiate the two of us
and i still believe that who we are now is more important than who we were--i would like to take lessons and such from the memories i've remembered, but i don't wish to let them define me or others
does any of that make sense?
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[ Which, he shouldn't be surprised given how this man originally piqued his interest. ]
Neither theory has any more basis than the other. From what I'm understanding, it's mostly personal preference based on memories and experiences. Ones that you might find less agreeable could make you want to distance yourself from them and think of the person in your memories as some "other", while if you're seeing things that you like or want then you'll be more inclined to align yourself with that person.
Also, whether or not these memories exist as remnants of a past life in our souls or if they're purely fabrications by Retrospec is up for debate.
[ Of course, that doesn't answer the question. ]
My own thoughts are undecided. I'm waiting for more evidence to sway my opinion. I haven't found merit in analyzing the situation by prescribing to one theory or the other yet, but I'm open to change.
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I will say that what you're describing is vastly oversimplified, however.
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But I want to be!
Ah, within reason, I guess. I'm still not really interested in what he was learning, and he had completely different friends...
Personality-wise though, I think I'd be really happy. Even if I've been told that I'm perfectly fine the way I am... It's not really how I want to be.
[ It'd be nice if he could stop being such a nervous, anxious mess around people and fucking up perfectly good moments, after all. The him in his memories doesn't seem to have that issue at all. ]
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My answer is no, that person is not me.
I don't reject that person, Penelo was her name. I think she was a good person who was doing things for the right reasons. But she cannot be me.
Why? Because I think that without the experiences I've lived, the ones I've had, that she cannot. Even if I remember her entire life, gain all of her possessions, I still remember everything from this life.
Thus, I'm becoming something more than her.
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and i do not want to become him in any capacity even though retrospec thinks otherwise
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While I would like to differentiate myself from the young man in my memories, circumstances prove it to be rather impossible, in terms of duty. My personal feelings have no bearing on it whatsoever.
[He doesn't have much of a choice; that person may not be him exactly, but feeling the things he did and knowing what he does guilts him far too much to be able to think that he's free to live his own life without consequence. For the most part he can! There's plenty he can do! But he's just as shackled to the past as the other him was.]
But, since you did ask, I think I may have discovered a new form of self-loathing.
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[Both the whole...duty-bound obligation and the self-loathing, honestly.]
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What about you? What was your conclusion?
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I was firmly against believing the memories were real and that we were once those people but my opinion has since changed. There are so many similarities I couldn't continue denying it. His shortcomings and mistakes, while painful to remember, are ones I know would be within my capability if I was pushed into the position he was in. It has been educational.
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...It was largely clarity that I'm still not altogether sure I wanted, in the end, seeing as there isn't much in my past life that could be considered pleasant. But I've always been dedicated to finding answers, even if those answers aren't anything I want to hear.
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She could never be me, and I could never be her.
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