005. Text // my world is unaffected

[manufactured]

It's been some time since Retrospec has properly dropped some sort of identity crisis on us, though I suppose it's good to know that we're getting a bit more information out of them now than we were in the past; I'm in no way looking down on small favors and silver linings. Just the same, I wonder for the time being where that leaves us - I know I've asked a few of you about this in the past, and I'm sure that a fair amount of you have made your decisions regarding it since.

I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.

Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.

I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.

Comments

[thesettingsun]

Past me becomes more embarrassing with every memory I get back.

My feelings haven't changed much. I can't separate him completely from myself, but just accepting him as 'me' feels like it would keep me from trying to be a better person than him, or at least make it more difficult.

[manufactured]

That's an interesting way of looking at it - may I ask why?

[godcards]

There's no sense of connection of me to this other me, past or otherwise. Regardless of what I'm told, it's been months and my feelings haven't changed on the matter. I'm interested in potential abilities but not the actual past life aspect.

[manufactured]

Oh, believe me, that's more than fair. I'm also not going to try to convince you otherwise.

Do you at least consider the abilities to be at all worth it?

[sivard]

A few months ago, I would have told you my past self and me now are two different people, and that would be the end of it.

Now? I'm not so sure. There's a whole lot less "him" vs "me" and more just "me."

Not entirely, but right now I feel like most of the discrepancies can be summed up by my still being mostly human.

[manufactured]

I believe I can understand that.

What were you then, if you don't mind my asking?

[livingimpaired]

[ Oh, so this is how he can -- thank you. He ignores the panic he had with Oda to talk about himself. ]

I said at the start that I would see no difference in the person I will remember and who I am. I feel it is silly to go back on that.

But the person I remember is a dick. I do not use such words lightly, and I rarely ever insult anyone, but I find myself to be evil in thought and just a poor human in action.

[manufactured]

[...that was surprisingly vulgar, kei. it's kind of like that time chris said he was sick of his bullshit to his face, he's almost proud of you.]

And yet you're willing to accept those notions and take them on yourself anyway...? That's almost admirable.

[impulsives]

to be honest, it's kind of complicated. my past self is everything i admire, but at the same time, while i admired the kind of life my past self led, that doesn't necessarily meant i want to live it completely.

if anything, i'm still kind of scared by these memories, to be honest. they serve to me as a reminder on what my path could be if i went in another direction completely.

still, to be honest, if i were to put it in my past self's words from what i remember of him so far... my current life would probably be his dream life.

[manufactured]

My own experiences are complicated like that, albeit for different reasons. I doubt the person I was in the past would consider my current life ideal - if anything, there would have been exasperation at a perceived lack of ambition. But my life now is better in ways that I don't think I would have been capable of fathoming back then.

I understand, however, with regards to the knowledge that this is what I could be were I to choose to take a different path. I can't say I like that notion, but I also can't say that it's an impossible thought, either.

[feistytrader]

Those memories are mine. I don't know exactly when I went from contending with that to being comfortable with it, but understanding my past motivations was definitely a deciding factor. I've always wanted to surpass the guy in my memories. Now it's a different framing, and with a better understanding that I was a stupid, frustrated kid and not just some intense and fearless cool guy.

But regardless of my opinion on the matter, I want that world in my memories to exist again. I don't want all the people in it to disappear forever, even if they wouldn't be the same and probably wouldn't like me.

[manufactured]

Something similar to what you're describing is a large portion of the reason I can't hate my past life fully; knowing the circumstances I was dealing with back then doesn't make any of what happened easier to handle, but it does make it understandable. Which has led into understanding my past motivations as well, which - until fairly recently - were incomprehensible to me.

I'm not surprised that that's your stance, however, concerning the world in your memories.

[parodeity]

the dude is me just a little chronologically earlier
as the dude in charge of bullshit time travel my opinions of my own chronology are probably a little unique though

[manufactured]

Understandably so.

I haven't worked out my own timeline of events outside of vague indications I've gotten of what goes where; it's something of a headache without the possible complications of time travel involved.

[vitis]

i don't view him as "me," not really
he's more just an example of how i could've been if my circumstances were different

[manufactured]

Something that could have been, but ultimately isn't. I suppose that's fair.

You prefer that sort of distance from it, then?

[onemillion]

The memories all feel too real to be dismissed so easily, but I'm not sure I'd call the person in them "me". I know they're supposedly our past lives, but it's hard to reconcile that sometimes, especially considering how different the world the other me came from seems to be.

But in all fairness, I haven't remembered all that much yet, so my opinion's bound to change at some point.

[manufactured]

Do you think so?

[destiny_key]

idk about other people but
i guess i dont really see a difference between him and me at all

that other me is just a past life
or at least thats how i think about it
its still me
just a different me

[manufactured]

A version of you that existed, but doesn't anymore. Yet you don't seem to be distancing yourself from it as much as some of the others.

I think of it similarly, I suppose.

[standalonehuman]

Despite everything that Retrospec has been saying, I know the man I'm seeing is not me. It doesn't make any sense for that to be true, philosophically or biologically, or from any perspective I can discern.

I respect that a lot of other people have a different perspective, and if they are instead getting some inspiration from what they are seeing? Learning what they think they can become? Then I can support that.

[manufactured]

A fair amount of the things that have happened over the past several months don't make biological sense; at this point I wouldn't consider that cause to rule out the possibility, personally.

[thebeastwithout]

man my past self was way cooler than who i am now
i mean the one down side is that i keep turning into more of a weirdo freak but like
i'm ok with being him!!!

if he could do it then so can i
he's done all the stuff that i always dreamed about

like that's kind of inspiring or whatever

[manufactured]

It's good to hear from someone who considers all of this a good thing, honestly. Oftentimes these sorts of discussions have a fair few who are having difficulty with the process; it's good to have reminders once in a while that some of us consider it beneficial.

What sort of changes are we talking about, however...?

[elevelvetor]

[ ...mm. this is a difficult topic for her, and she's biting her thumb before she reponds ]

i find it more comfortable to refer to her as someone other than myself, though i'm aware that isn't entirely true, either...
but for the sake of myself and relationships she had, and that i have, i think it's for the best to differentiate the two of us
and i still believe that who we are now is more important than who we were--i would like to take lessons and such from the memories i've remembered, but i don't wish to let them define me or others
does any of that make sense?

[manufactured]

It makes sense, yes, as does the desire to compartmentalize it both for simplicity's sake and for the sake of keeping one's sanity more or less intact. You aren't the first I've spoken to that feels that way, and I don't fault you for it, even if it's not something I can subscribe to myself.

[dulynoted]

An important question.

[ Which, he shouldn't be surprised given how this man originally piqued his interest. ]

Neither theory has any more basis than the other. From what I'm understanding, it's mostly personal preference based on memories and experiences. Ones that you might find less agreeable could make you want to distance yourself from them and think of the person in your memories as some "other", while if you're seeing things that you like or want then you'll be more inclined to align yourself with that person.

Also, whether or not these memories exist as remnants of a past life in our souls or if they're purely fabrications by Retrospec is up for debate.

[ Of course, that doesn't answer the question. ]

My own thoughts are undecided. I'm waiting for more evidence to sway my opinion. I haven't found merit in analyzing the situation by prescribing to one theory or the other yet, but I'm open to change.

[manufactured]

I'm not going to try to sway anyone's opinion one way or another, personally. Engaging in discussion about why certain opinions are as they are is one thing, but I'm not interested in dictating how others should see the situation.

I will say that what you're describing is vastly oversimplified, however.

[stressweets]

I can't be the same person in my memories, because he's a lot more confident and rich and talented and everything than I am?
But I want to be!
Ah, within reason, I guess. I'm still not really interested in what he was learning, and he had completely different friends...
Personality-wise though, I think I'd be really happy. Even if I've been told that I'm perfectly fine the way I am... It's not really how I want to be.

[ It'd be nice if he could stop being such a nervous, anxious mess around people and fucking up perfectly good moments, after all. The him in his memories doesn't seem to have that issue at all. ]

[manufactured]

The person in your memories seems to have overcome all of what you perceive as flaws, then? Or perhaps never seemed to be contending with them in the first place... Is that it?

[frostythehitman]

whatever i think of the past me and whether or not i'm really him changes day by day

[manufactured]

How do you mean...?

[mincingminuet]

Well, I've thought a lot about that. This is a good question, Mr. Wesker.

My answer is no, that person is not me.
I don't reject that person, Penelo was her name. I think she was a good person who was doing things for the right reasons. But she cannot be me.

Why? Because I think that without the experiences I've lived, the ones I've had, that she cannot. Even if I remember her entire life, gain all of her possessions, I still remember everything from this life.

Thus, I'm becoming something more than her.

[manufactured]

That's an entirely fair way of looking at it. I can't say it's one that I agree with entirely, but I believe we see it similarly just on principle. Which I'm sure counts for something or another.

[ohrlyeh]

i shudder to think that that man is real

and i do not want to become him in any capacity even though retrospec thinks otherwise

[manufactured]

What about him do you find so reprehensible?

[twostringsonebow]

[... Difficult. Something he's barely talked about with the people close to him, though he has always felt it easier to open up to those he doesn't quite know; Wesker edges more on the latter, but it's still very much a public forum, so he decides his words carefully on the matter.]

While I would like to differentiate myself from the young man in my memories, circumstances prove it to be rather impossible, in terms of duty. My personal feelings have no bearing on it whatsoever.

[He doesn't have much of a choice; that person may not be him exactly, but feeling the things he did and knowing what he does guilts him far too much to be able to think that he's free to live his own life without consequence. For the most part he can! There's plenty he can do! But he's just as shackled to the past as the other him was.]

But, since you did ask, I think I may have discovered a new form of self-loathing.

[manufactured]

...I'm fairly sure I understand on all counts, actually.

[Both the whole...duty-bound obligation and the self-loathing, honestly.]

[wordcarvings]

I don't know if I consider him me as such, but we have similarities. Too many similarities to be completely different people. I do think that some of the memories are very important, and would not want to forget them.

[manufactured]

So it's more like something that you don't feel comfortable dismissing, then?

[coinflipped]

The more I'm learning about this 'other me' the more I'm finding I disassociate myself with him.

[manufactured]

That's entirely fair, and I'm not going to argue with you about it. Is there a particular reason why?

[dejerate]

Hadn't really thought about it. How or if I consider them 'me'. I mean. I guess, same soul or whatever, just. Very different circumstances. How I grew up, here, in comparison to all that. I mean. I guess so far? I can sorta see to piece things together that yeah, I probably would be pissed and upset about even half of what I remember happening.

What about you? What was your conclusion?

[manufactured]

I've likewise come to accept that the soul I have, whatever that might entail, is the same as whatever was present in the person from my memories - that we're inherently the same person. However, I've been granted opportunities here that I didn't have back then; I have decidedly more potential now, and while I do believe that my actions in my past life will need to be answered for eventually, for the time being my focus is more aimed toward realizing that potential.

[blessmefather]

[ Hi "Stranger" ]

I was firmly against believing the memories were real and that we were once those people but my opinion has since changed. There are so many similarities I couldn't continue denying it. His shortcomings and mistakes, while painful to remember, are ones I know would be within my capability if I was pushed into the position he was in. It has been educational.

[manufactured]

My experience was largely similar; finding out more of the experiences that my past life has gone through helped to provide a good amount of clarity in that regard.

...It was largely clarity that I'm still not altogether sure I wanted, in the end, seeing as there isn't much in my past life that could be considered pleasant. But I've always been dedicated to finding answers, even if those answers aren't anything I want to hear.

[gunsandveggies]

I'm not sure how to describe it. I view her as myself if I grew up with different circumstances. She's who I am in another life, wherever Retrospec pulled our souls from. Her circumstances and her life are completely different from mine.

She could never be me, and I could never be her.

[manufactured]

So the primary difference for you is in experiences, rather than who you fundamentally are as a person? That is to say that's what you consider more important, and where you're choosing to draw up the boundary.