005. Text // my world is unaffected

[manufactured]

It's been some time since Retrospec has properly dropped some sort of identity crisis on us, though I suppose it's good to know that we're getting a bit more information out of them now than we were in the past; I'm in no way looking down on small favors and silver linings. Just the same, I wonder for the time being where that leaves us - I know I've asked a few of you about this in the past, and I'm sure that a fair amount of you have made your decisions regarding it since.

I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.

Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.

I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.

Comments

[thesettingsun]

Past me becomes more embarrassing with every memory I get back.

My feelings haven't changed much. I can't separate him completely from myself, but just accepting him as 'me' feels like it would keep me from trying to be a better person than him, or at least make it more difficult.

[manufactured]

That's an interesting way of looking at it - may I ask why?

[thesettingsun]

I think I've said this before, but past me's faults are my faults turned up to 11. If I remember him and tell myself that I won't ever turn out like that, that inspires me to work harder at self-improvement to make sure it doesn't happen.

If he and I are the exact same person, then 'never turning out like that' is already impossible.

[manufactured]

Perhaps, but isn't that also denying your past life any possibility for improvement or change? What has come to pass will always be, but if things are kept separate like that, "what has come to pass" is also all the potential it will ever have.

[godcards]

There's no sense of connection of me to this other me, past or otherwise. Regardless of what I'm told, it's been months and my feelings haven't changed on the matter. I'm interested in potential abilities but not the actual past life aspect.

[sivard]

A few months ago, I would have told you my past self and me now are two different people, and that would be the end of it.

Now? I'm not so sure. There's a whole lot less "him" vs "me" and more just "me."

Not entirely, but right now I feel like most of the discrepancies can be summed up by my still being mostly human.

tw: suicidal implications

[thesettingsun]

Past me was plenty fine with denying himself any possibility for improvement or change. If that's how he wanted to end his story, I don't feel any obligation to continue it.

[manufactured]

Oh, believe me, that's more than fair. I'm also not going to try to convince you otherwise.

Do you at least consider the abilities to be at all worth it?

[manufactured]

I believe I can understand that.

What were you then, if you don't mind my asking?

[manufactured]

I would argue that you don't have much choice in the matter, were I interested in starting an argument.

[godcards]

There's some decent potential that hasn't been fully realized. I suspect Retrospec is full of cowards holding back on purpose... They have the power to grant abilities and give items whenever and however they see fit, after all.

[manufactured]

To hear them talk, that's yet another thing that's out of their hands. Do you not believe them in that regard?

[thesettingsun]

I'm less interested in a philosophical debate, or even necessarily being correct, than I am in having a stance that lets me make the most of the life I'm living right now.

So I'll have to turn down that argument now.

[manufactured]

Hence "were I interested" - the fact of the matter is that I'm not.

[godcards]

No, I don't. Or rather... the lower peons who deliver bad news to us might not have a direct degree of control, but someone at the top certainly does. They wouldn't be so involved in our lives otherwise.

[thesettingsun]

I'm a little interested in your calming conclusion.

[manufactured]

Then why bother allowing us to be aware of that potential in the first place...? According to this theory of yours.

[godcards]

Because they're also idiots.

[livingimpaired]

[ Oh, so this is how he can -- thank you. He ignores the panic he had with Oda to talk about himself. ]

I said at the start that I would see no difference in the person I will remember and who I am. I feel it is silly to go back on that.

But the person I remember is a dick. I do not use such words lightly, and I rarely ever insult anyone, but I find myself to be evil in thought and just a poor human in action.

[manufactured]

It's calming to me, personally, though I know for a fact that you won't find it to be such.

From what I understand, I wasn't granted much free will, if any, in my past life. While I had a choice, regarding what I decided to do and what I eventually became, it's difficult to say what may have happened if I was given any agency over my life rather than having my life's purpose decided for me.

Needless to say, it also wasn't a terribly pleasant purpose.

Who I am now is who I always was - my past life and I are certainly the same person. I'm not receiving changes and memories from someone else, nor am I being expected to turn into anything but what I was already. But in this life, I have the opportunity to decide for myself where things will go, and how they end.

I want to see what I become when I'm given a choice. If I manage to find something worth salvaging, or if I fall as I did before. Either way, there's an element of personal control there that wasn't before.

[manufactured]

[well i mean]

Likewise fair.

[thesettingsun]

I see how that would work for you. If I'd been denied that kind of agency in my past life, I might take the same point of view.

I hope you find something positive at the end of your road, this time.

[manufactured]

[...that was surprisingly vulgar, kei. it's kind of like that time chris said he was sick of his bullshit to his face, he's almost proud of you.]

And yet you're willing to accept those notions and take them on yourself anyway...? That's almost admirable.

[manufactured]

My choices were ultimately my own back then, and the actions that I decided to take as a result of those choices are unforgivable. That much is undeniable fact. However, I can accept that the basis behind those choices were also highly influenced by circumstance.

...It's complicated. Infuriatingly so.

Regardless, the possibility that this life may have a positive outcome isn't one I'm going to deny, nor is it something I'm going to turn down.

[sivard]

Something called a Malak, though I've also been called a Seraph by people who I know are from my world. I don't really know what the discrepancy is from.

I'm an earth spirit. Was. It's why I could use wind on that mountain.