Elda Marker (
matchbreaker) wrote in
retrospec2018-08-16 05:37 pm
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Texts from Late Night
[ Posted sometime around like four in the morning: ]
Has anyone else found themselves falling in love with someone in those memories we all get? That might feel a little extreme, but the face has been sticking with me for a while now.
Has anyone else found themselves falling in love with someone in those memories we all get? That might feel a little extreme, but the face has been sticking with me for a while now.
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But it's something like that for me too. I've been remembering her husband, how they met, how he proposed, how they lived, their children... It's only in snapshots, but it's a whole life together. So it stands out to me, lingering in my mind and heart no matter what else I think about.
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So you've remembered all of the key points in her life... It's no wonder you have strong feelings about it. It would be hard to remember something as significant as a proposal and not feel anything, since all of our memories are in first person.
I mean... I was only dating the person in my memories, so it's not as intense as having a whole family. But I don't think it's strange to feel love toward someone like that. We're remembering what our other selves loved about them, after all.
Sorry if I'm typing too much. This hits home in a lot of ways.
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But yes, I've remembered a lot of her life, and while it's not one to one, there's gaps, it's really made me start to fall for her James. My James, I suppose, if they really are us. The thing that keeps getting to me is that they are memories - sometimes we treat them like a picture real or a hallucination, but we also remember at least a little of how they thought or felt, right?
So it's not really easy to brush off, at least for me.
I do hope what romance you're remembering isn't too painful or lonely feeling for you.
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That's exactly the same for me, though. Even with the gaps in memory, seeing everything through his (my, if you want to go that route) eyes is what gets me the most. His feelings come across too genuinely for me to really feel like it's a hallucination.
If it's okay to ask, is your personality similar to the way it was in your memories? My memory self is a lot like... well, me. So when someone came along who said such kind things, things that apply to me as I am now, it's easy to blur those lines. If it's the same for you, I definitely know where you're coming from.
Don't worry, though. It isn't painful. I just wish I could meet him and thank him for everything, you know?
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But even as I type that, it feels too clinical, because again, those emotions are on some level my emotions, at least when I'm remembering them. How can anyone fully divorce those things? Gosh, I'd really like to know how.
To thank him though... I mean, I can relate to that. James really held my/her hand for a long time in that world.
But oh gosh, that must be such a hassle to have to show people typing like that so often! I mean I also don't have any ASL mastery so I'd be in the same boat of communicating with you that way, but even so.
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James sounds like a good person. When someone treats you like that, even if it's in your memories, it's hard to actually think of them like a stranger. I've never met any of the people in my memories in this life, so maybe it would be different if I did. But I keep thinking about what I would do if I could meet him.
Don't worry, it's not that big of a deal. Thankfully, I can read lips pretty well. So as long as people don't mind repeating themselves sometimes and using gestures every so often, I can usually get by being the only one typing while people speak to me normally.
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And he really was. Honestly, I'm not even sure how I would handle running into anyone from that life in the city. I on some level would love to meet them here but on another, I do worry about the expectations on them that would put upon them to meet me when I know so much more about the past life, and possibly so little about this one. It would be a real problem, I can't help but think? But I still would like to.
Oh that's good though! Still seems tiresome, but I'm glad you can do that.
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So you're like me in that respect too. It's the kind of thing we won't be able to fully understand unless it happens, but since some people can be so different, expecting them to be like the way we remember them could definitely spell trouble. But wouldn't keeping quiet be hard too?
For better or worse, I'm not the most social guy, so it does drain me after a while. Communicating through text like this is much easier for me.
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Do you feel similar?
I suppose I've thought about it for too long, I've been on this app over a year.
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I'm coming up on a year now too. It's hard to go this long without considering things like that, especially when you're remembering important people.
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Haha
But yeah, I passed a year in May. What with all the identity problems foisted up on us, it's impossible not to daydream or plan, even for seat of your pants types, I'd imagine.
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I only have my own experience to go off of, but Retrospec has made me think a lot harder than just about anything else in my life. And that's saying a lot, since I get lost in my own head and think things through too much sometimes. There are just so many facets - people on the network, those that don't have it, memories, souls, reincarnations (?), physical and emotional changes... there's so much.
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How about Bosuma? I've never been there either, but it looks interesting.
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