tw: suicide mentions in comments

[thesettingsun]

hey quick question
anyone else remember a (near) death experience and keep feeling like they're dying
even after the memory is over

it's not a panic attack mine are different

Comments

[thesettingsun]

"...Things could have been better for him. I know that because I'm here and I'm in a better place that."

Shuji has a support network, parents who were there for him, access to therapy and medicine. Dazai was born at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and suffered for it.

[standalonehuman]

"And that's why it came to that? No matter what he tried, things never got any better."

"Branding him a coward is too easy. You know how long he was holding on to that burden. And whether or not he had any other way of dealing with it."

[thesettingsun]

"He's not a coward for that."

For other things, yes. Not for that.

"...I know too well what it feels like. I may hate him for other things, but not for that."

[standalonehuman]

Pardon Togusa while every single alarm bell goes off in his head, and he has to work a way around to trying to word his thought in a tactful way.

"We all have our burdens, but- I can't imagine what it's like," so hesitant, "to be driven all the way to that point. Can you?"

[thesettingsun]

"It was before you met me." Once he realizes what Togusa is saying he's quick to try to reassure. "Back during my repeated failed college attempts, the worst part of my life. I was lucky - my family supported me getting help."

Dazai didn't receive that kind of help, and never really had a chance to. That's not his fault.

[standalonehuman]

"Oh." Because what else can he say? Togusa desperately wishes that he could be with Shuji, to try to reassure him right now.

"I'm sorry I chided you for how you felt. I wasn't looking at it from your viewpoint. You've been able to get past those feelings, and Dazai has to keep dragging you back into it."

[thesettingsun]

If he were at the library, Shuji would accept a hug or twenty.

"It's okay. I shouldn't say things like that."

He's allowed to feel them, but he can't say them.

[standalonehuman]

Dear Isamu. Go gather more data on hugs from Shuji. It's important.

"Are you still- getting help? Is that something that's still a part of your life now?"

[thesettingsun]

Consider it a top priority mission.

"I had a therapist, but... well, obviously I can't tell a regular therapist what's going on with me now. Since Fai lost network access, I haven't been seeing anybody for that."

[standalonehuman]

"I forgot just how many people were leaning on Fai," Togusa admits. "We're all a little less without him."

So then what's the solution for Shuji? He needs to get this out. "I'll try to listen. I promise. If it ever gets that bad again, or if you just get scared it's going to."

[thesettingsun]

"Best therapist I ever had." Not just because he baked delicious cookies for their appointments, although that helped.

"Thank you. ...Could you hug Isamu for me? Let me live vicariously through hugs right now."

[standalonehuman]

"If I tell him you're not feeling well right now, I'm pretty sure that hug wouldn't need to be vicarious," Togusa points out.

"But I will. When he comes home from work."

[thesettingsun]

"That'd be nice too. ...As long as he's gentle about it."

Shuji already feels like he's going to pass out, he doesn't need an extra hard squeeze to contribute to it.

[standalonehuman]

There will be a robot heading your way before the end of the night, Shuji. Instructed to use the same level of care he does with Daisuke.

"If you feel this again, and it gets too much? Call me back. Any time, okay? It'll wake me up, I can't ignore a call. And I'd rather talk you through this, all right?"

[thesettingsun]

Hopefully Isamu is water-resistant, because he might get cried on.

"I'll remember. ....Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."