retrospec | (no subject)

Time. A weird kind of concept, isn't it? I've been thinking about it a lot lately…this whole "time" thing, the way the map's been laid out, and how this project came into fruition.

I've been able to get a read on some stuff, and I've been transcribing notes from the company. Your app should have some new upgrades now thanks to a handful of factors none of which were my own ideas. I did the legwork, but the groundwork was provided. Thanks, you know who you are.

We're rerouting for higher security, anonymity and the chance to overlap. Which means…what…?

Here's a question for you. Where have you wanted to go more than anywhere in the worlds? A time, a place, anything like that. There's a theory about alternate timelines I might be looking into based on company research. What've we got to lose at this rate?

Strip the defenses in the past, unveil the man behind the curtain in the present, secure the future. Someone told me this kind of thing was a lot of power to trust on you guys…but isn't that all we can do now? Trust each other and test the waters.

No missions this month. I checked out everything in Respatrum and Bosuma and it seems that the people there are more self-sufficient than I anticipated which was nice. The subway's still up and running though.

Coordinates will be incoming in a few days. I'm testing them out myself to make sure they're stabilized.

Stay sharp.

Zee Carlisle
Hiring Manager
Retr

spec Incorporated

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Maybe you're right Maybe a little bit of atonement, too

[ record screech ]

It works when you regret it.

[Something...SOMETHING told him this would be Eren's mindset too. It's a complicated web of feelings that it's taken Crow a lot of soul searching to figure out. And if he can try and offer Eren a little solace...

Well, all the better.]

You know, I don't really regret what I did, either I shot a politican, for Christ's sake...and that part I don't feel a drop of regret. But what happened because of it? Rean and the others...all the bullshit they had to go through? I'm carrying that well into this life

I pushed my friends away then because I didn’t want them to die because of me, I’m pretty sure. I can’t regret that if they lived better after I was gone.

But it did hurt.

[...]

Were they happy when you did it? Try and remember their faces

No one was happy.
Different times different measures, Crow.

You're avoiding the question Were they, specifically, happy with your decision Sorry, you know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't an important distinction

No.

What kind of distinction are you trying to make?

[Sharing time!]

Rean was the same way, when my past self shoved him away. When he...I said our friendship meant nothing It hurt way more than my murderous acts. Guess I didn't want Rean dragging himself into my mess, and realized how much it hurt when the dominoes fell on him anyway I can't say why, but I don't regret killing that man. It didn't hurt, then. But I'll regret making Rean's voice sound like I stomped on his heart and broke it to smithereens. That he got caught up in whatever I tried to do back then I'm a betting man, and I'd put serious money down that you weren't completely okay with some parts of what you did. You accepted it, and moved forward, but you weren't okay with it

You’re on the money.

It still doesn’t change that I didn’t regret it, though. The minute I regretted having them with me was the minute I changed. That’s just the kind of person I was. Or had to be.

Shouldering their deaths felt worse.

I know. Looking at what's worse was probably the only comfort we had But I still think you're trying to atone for it now, in a way. Doing what you didn't have the freedom to back then If anything, I find solace in how far it sounds like you've come

[ i can’t believe crow is loved by eren jaeger ]

How far I’ve come?
Look at you.

[Love is a mysterious thing indeed...]

Me? I only just found out about everything a month or two ago

Exactly. I’ve known about being a public enemy for more than a year and I still
I don’t know, it feels like I go back for a bit.
You look like you’ve found your way around it better.

To be fair, you didn't really have a Terrorist Buddy to work things out with And Rean and Elliot for some reason don't hold it against me, past or present

You really just called us terrorist buddies.

[ HE CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE ]

You thought they wouldn’t?

Well, what else are we gonna be? I haven't eaten people

[START BELIEVIN']

It was hard to see anyone who wouldn't. I spent this whole time thinking 'Oh, it can't be me, I'd never do something like that' And then...guess I was as surprised as the rest of em Maybe I was more angry at myself

Because you did something you never expected?

Yeah That I fooled everyone, even myself now, into thinking I was a good person

“Good” is really hard to pinpoint, Crow. It’s not that black and white.

Pretty sure good people don't shoot other people and not have a shred of remorse, though I've never even heard my voice sound like the way it did It sounded...dead

You can’t end a war with peace and you’ll never go forward if you’re remorseful.

That’s reality. And why I’m not a soldier in this life again.

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