Text - Kind of Freaking out Here

[true_noir]

Chloe Bouchard 3/21 near Viea

This is awful, and I do not know how to cope with this at all. Anyone with relationship advice please speak with me, because I am having a very serious problem right now due to these visions we keep having.

[Somebody got another memory regain recently, and it might have involved kissing someone who was totally not Chloe's girlfriend in France. And, while accidents might have happened over the course of several years here in America, she'd been good about being faithful, so the memory was seriously disturbing, especially because she had felt more in love in that memory than she ever had in her 'real life,' and it was giving her a major problem.

And she couldn't go to the father confessor, because seriously, how do you talk to a catholic priest about that sort of thing? Short answer? You don't.]

Comments

[trivialization]

If I was seeing something like that, though unbidden, it would stay in my mind too.

Are you worried that it might have happened? Or is it only the thought that is the problem?

[true_noir]

I am very much worried that it may have happened. I am happily in a relationship, and though the distance has been troubling at times, I have tried not to lapse on that loyalty for several years!

[Ok.... she'd kind of kissed Emilie when she'd gotten drunk one night, but it hadn't gone past that, and they'd both remained just friends. But that was sort of the point. She wasn't a cheater!]

[trivialization]

[Catherine has... a perhaps more stereotypically blase attitude towards infidelity; such things are not to be applauded, of course, but they do happen. In the course of human events, as they say.]

Well, whether it happened or not, it's a matter out of your control now. In the past. I think the more important question is whether you should meet this girl in the future. Do you feel like you wouldn't be able to control yourself?

[true_noir]

I do not know for sure, but I think I would have trouble. I can remember the emotions, and I was clearly obsessed with her. I didn't even seem to care that she didn't return the kiss. It was normal for me. And her eyes were so dead inside, almost a little creepy but fascinating.

I fear this woman will be the death of me.

[trivialization]

[You enjoyed writing that, I know it.]

That does sound fascinating. But don't be too fatalistic about it. Like I said, a thought is in the past. When you've had it it's already come and gone. You haven't betrayed anyone with it, and even if you should meet that person, what you do is up to you.

[true_noir]

[I would be a liar if I said otherwise]

And until I have actually met this person, here, in Recolle, they exist as nothing more than a dream or a figment of my imagination, however potent? I can, I think, do that. It is shelving the problem for now, but there is little else I could do regardless.

[trivialization]

No matter how fickle it sounds that's a lot of things. Finding a place for your uncertainties that you feel them less.

[true_noir]

Until the uncertainties become certainties, no? When they are certain, we know what we must do. For a long time, I felt very certain about everything. I suppose that may be part of what upsets me most right now. My certainty has been taken away from me, and I do not cope with this as well as some do.

[trivialization]

I don't think that's unusual at all. So much dissatisfaction comes from not knowing what's next. And there's a lot of that here and now.

[true_noir]

I am glad that I am not unreasonable in my anger. This is not something I take lightly, the breaking of our certainty and our happy lives. Even an unhappy life that is certain is better in some ways than one that is not. You know why you are what you are. You can respond to that.