James "dumpster fire gijinka" Barnes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
frostythehitman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
retrospec2017-04-09 01:52 pm
frostythehitman) wrote in retrospec2017-04-09 01:52 pm
Entry tags:
[text] backdated to evening of april 5th
So, Yuri and I just went to check out the Retrospec building for ourselves. Spoilers, we found jack. But if you want to know exactly what flavor of jack, here's all the details:
First off, the whole place was wide open. Like, the front doors were totally open and there were no security guards or anything. We just walked right in like no one cared or was even in the building. Which is weird, given that it was like 4pm on a Wednesday.
[ Here's a photo of the lobby. To the side, one can make out the edge of the receptionist's desk, and shoved off to the side, a TV and some potted plants. To the other side, a small row of chairs. In the center of the photo, though, is an elevator. ]
Apparently this elevator was missing last month, but it's back now. It doesn't work--if you press the button, it just starts playing the opening lines to some guy's standup comedy show or something from the loudspeakers.
[ This time, a photo of a hallway! To those who have visited Retrospec before themselves, the hallway will look familiar, although...is it longer now? Are there more doors than before there? ]
We found a bunch of doors down this way but all of them were locked, go figure. They were also rigged with joybuzzers or something, so you got shocked every time you put your hand on the doorknob.
[ And lastly, a dedicated photo of the receptionist's desk! It's tidy, almost spotless, with nothing on the desk save for a single pink sticky note with 'Jim + Janet' written on it stuck to the table surface, and a small assortment of desk toys. There's a phone, positioned at an awkward angle on the desk. ]
Nothing useful here either. The desk is completely empty and all the drawers are locked except for the top one. And even then, there's nothing in there but some Retrospec-branded stationery. The phone's not even plugged into anything, but it rang once and when we picked up, it was some voice asking us over and over for a knock knock joke.
I didn't get photos of these, but the chairs were all rigged with whoopie cushions and the TV just plays that dumb dancing fruit Bohemian Rhapsody thing on loop.
So like I said: we found a complete load of nothing. The only April fools around here was us. The whole trip was so useless, it's almost like they were expecting us to show up.
So there you go. So much for getting any more details out of these jerks.
First off, the whole place was wide open. Like, the front doors were totally open and there were no security guards or anything. We just walked right in like no one cared or was even in the building. Which is weird, given that it was like 4pm on a Wednesday.
[ Here's a photo of the lobby. To the side, one can make out the edge of the receptionist's desk, and shoved off to the side, a TV and some potted plants. To the other side, a small row of chairs. In the center of the photo, though, is an elevator. ]
Apparently this elevator was missing last month, but it's back now. It doesn't work--if you press the button, it just starts playing the opening lines to some guy's standup comedy show or something from the loudspeakers.
[ This time, a photo of a hallway! To those who have visited Retrospec before themselves, the hallway will look familiar, although...is it longer now? Are there more doors than before there? ]
We found a bunch of doors down this way but all of them were locked, go figure. They were also rigged with joybuzzers or something, so you got shocked every time you put your hand on the doorknob.
[ And lastly, a dedicated photo of the receptionist's desk! It's tidy, almost spotless, with nothing on the desk save for a single pink sticky note with 'Jim + Janet' written on it stuck to the table surface, and a small assortment of desk toys. There's a phone, positioned at an awkward angle on the desk. ]
Nothing useful here either. The desk is completely empty and all the drawers are locked except for the top one. And even then, there's nothing in there but some Retrospec-branded stationery. The phone's not even plugged into anything, but it rang once and when we picked up, it was some voice asking us over and over for a knock knock joke.
I didn't get photos of these, but the chairs were all rigged with whoopie cushions and the TV just plays that dumb dancing fruit Bohemian Rhapsody thing on loop.
So like I said: we found a complete load of nothing. The only April fools around here was us. The whole trip was so useless, it's almost like they were expecting us to show up.
So there you go. So much for getting any more details out of these jerks.
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That would be a great line for a song.
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I've heard worse. Way worse.
[1/2]
Wait, that's just Retrospec, isn't it.
[2/2]
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Or they'll get worse believing they're already being helpful so they need to be even more unhelpful to live up to the spirit of things.
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That's the beauty of Opposite Day--you can do any bulltrap you want anyway and still find a way to justify it.