frostythehitman: (these wounds they will not heal)
James "dumpster fire gijinka" Barnes ([personal profile] frostythehitman) wrote in [community profile] retrospec2017-04-09 01:52 pm

[text] backdated to evening of april 5th

So, Yuri and I just went to check out the Retrospec building for ourselves. Spoilers, we found jack. But if you want to know exactly what flavor of jack, here's all the details:


First off, the whole place was wide open. Like, the front doors were totally open and there were no security guards or anything. We just walked right in like no one cared or was even in the building. Which is weird, given that it was like 4pm on a Wednesday.


[ Here's a photo of the lobby. To the side, one can make out the edge of the receptionist's desk, and shoved off to the side, a TV and some potted plants. To the other side, a small row of chairs. In the center of the photo, though, is an elevator. ]

Apparently this elevator was missing last month, but it's back now. It doesn't work--if you press the button, it just starts playing the opening lines to some guy's standup comedy show or something from the loudspeakers.

[ This time, a photo of a hallway! To those who have visited Retrospec before themselves, the hallway will look familiar, although...is it longer now? Are there more doors than before there? ]

We found a bunch of doors down this way but all of them were locked, go figure. They were also rigged with joybuzzers or something, so you got shocked every time you put your hand on the doorknob.

[ And lastly, a dedicated photo of the receptionist's desk! It's tidy, almost spotless, with nothing on the desk save for a single pink sticky note with 'Jim + Janet' written on it stuck to the table surface, and a small assortment of desk toys. There's a phone, positioned at an awkward angle on the desk. ]

Nothing useful here either. The desk is completely empty and all the drawers are locked except for the top one. And even then, there's nothing in there but some Retrospec-branded stationery. The phone's not even plugged into anything, but it rang once and when we picked up, it was some voice asking us over and over for a knock knock joke.

I didn't get photos of these, but the chairs were all rigged with whoopie cushions and the TV just plays that dumb dancing fruit Bohemian Rhapsody thing on loop.

So like I said: we found a complete load of nothing. The only April fools around here was us. The whole trip was so useless, it's almost like they were expecting us to show up.

So there you go. So much for getting any more details out of these jerks.

beastenderblood: (Huh. Weird.)

[personal profile] beastenderblood 2017-04-09 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Well what did Jack have to say about all this?
commandertoolbelt: (lounging)

[personal profile] commandertoolbelt 2017-04-09 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)
so did you tell them a knock knock joke or what

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catsudon: (dismiss | disapprove of this bullnanny)

[personal profile] catsudon 2017-04-10 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
It wasn't satisfied with just one joke. We're passing the mantle on to you. Figure out it's limits. Only you can save us from the Knock Knock phone now.

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standalonehuman: (TogusaCoffeeWork)

[personal profile] standalonehuman 2017-04-09 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[Attached is a picture of the elevator-less lobby, with glass tubes along the walls, filled to varying levels with different colored stones.]

Re: March 5th. This is ridiculous. These had vanished again?

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constellates: (★ loverholic robotronic)

[personal profile] constellates 2017-04-09 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
you are friends with yuri ?

[she has such good priorities. but also:]

how odd
is it an office or a joke shop ?

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catsudon: (pout | or close enough to it)

[personal profile] catsudon 2017-04-10 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
Seriously, Anya?

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antagonize: (091)

[personal profile] antagonize 2017-04-09 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Great. So now we've got definite proof that we're one big joke to them.
catsudon: (dismiss | disapprove of this bullnanny)

[personal profile] catsudon 2017-04-10 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
So all the rest wasn't definite proof enough.

Like last month, with the ad libs security door.

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liberal_arts: (daylight breaking overhead)

[personal profile] liberal_arts 2017-04-09 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Well that's certainly unsettling, even if it was ultimately nothing.

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aegist: (TURN ⚡ to side-eye)

[personal profile] aegist 2017-04-10 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
when do they even find the time to set up all these jokes? do they ever do anything else.

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hjack69: (pic#10551415)

[personal profile] hjack69 2017-04-14 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
fyi guys i come in fifty flavors
im basically baskin robbins


[ Obligatory. It's kind of a "you say the name of an eldritch being and it summons them" type deal. ]

I LAUGHED

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mouseketeerish: SOBER!! (he fell asleep duirng FOREPLAY!!)

[personal profile] mouseketeerish 2017-04-14 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
What's so interesting about that building?

I know this app is the worst. It's creepy, and all that other stuff. I don't even think they're a legitimate company, honestly. But if they were, would going straight to the building reveal anything?
youraffection: (pic#10035413)

[personal profile] youraffection 2017-04-14 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
wtf
im starting 2 believe these ppl dont even exist

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covenantal: art by <user name=tpccw site=tumblr.com> (268.)

[personal profile] covenantal 2017-04-14 05:54 am (UTC)(link)
... I'd say it's hard to believe the entire place was apparently rigged for April Fool's, except I can definitely believe it.

That's too convenient to be anything but purposeful. But why?