retrospec | [text] backdated to evening of april 5th

So, Yuri and I just went to check out the Retrospec building for ourselves. Spoilers, we found jack. But if you want to know exactly what flavor of jack, here's all the details:

First off, the whole place was wide open. Like, the front doors were totally open and there were no security guards or anything. We just walked right in like no one cared or was even in the building. Which is weird, given that it was like 4pm on a Wednesday.

[ Here's a photo of the lobby. To the side, one can make out the edge of the receptionist's desk, and shoved off to the side, a TV and some potted plants. To the other side, a small row of chairs. In the center of the photo, though, is an elevator. ]

Apparently this elevator was missing last month, but it's back now. It doesn't work--if you press the button, it just starts playing the opening lines to some guy's standup comedy show or something from the loudspeakers.

[ This time, a photo of a hallway! To those who have visited Retrospec before themselves, the hallway will look familiar, although...is it longer now? Are there more doors than before there? ]

We found a bunch of doors down this way but all of them were locked, go figure. They were also rigged with joybuzzers or something, so you got shocked every time you put your hand on the doorknob.

[ And lastly, a dedicated photo of the receptionist's desk! It's tidy, almost spotless, with nothing on the desk save for a single pink sticky note with 'Jim + Janet' written on it stuck to the table surface, and a small assortment of desk toys. There's a phone, positioned at an awkward angle on the desk. ]

Nothing useful here either. The desk is completely empty and all the drawers are locked except for the top one. And even then, there's nothing in there but some Retrospec-branded stationery. The phone's not even plugged into anything, but it rang once and when we picked up, it was some voice asking us over and over for a knock knock joke.

I didn't get photos of these, but the chairs were all rigged with whoopie cushions and the TV just plays that dumb dancing fruit Bohemian Rhapsody thing on loop.

So like I said: we found a complete load of nothing. The only April fools around here was us. The whole trip was so useless, it's almost like they were expecting us to show up.

So there you go. So much for getting any more details out of these jerks.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh !
yuri
it is a nickname in russian
but do not call him that he will get mad
mad at anya too

[leave it anya to probably say way too much and be too direct about everything]

that is good
i will always want to help
so now you have it

[ As soon as she explains that it's a nickname, it's like something clicks in his head for him and the nicknaming conventions she's talking about make total sense.

Weird. ]

Because Anya's short for Anastasia, right?

[itp: bucky learns russian diminutives way faster than literally anyone else ever]

!! yes that is right
but i like it when people call me anya
anastasia is like when someone is angry
or i have gotten in trouble

but yuri likes yuri
very picky

[ i literally put that in for the smallest, most inconsequential regain ever. ]

Like how my dad only calls me "James" when he's mad at me. Makes sense.

Now that you mention it, it is weird that he goes by Yuri. Why pick the most serious version of your name to go by? It's like constantly being in the principal's office.

[ he says, as someone who still primarily goes by James. But no okay this is different!!!! ]

[congratulations on your intro to russian nicknaming, bucky]

like he is in trouble ?
funny !
no yuri just does not like to be called anything else by people who are not friends
and he is picky about friends

but he is very nice
i will not say more because he will be embarrassed
and hard to handle when he is mad at me
but i hope that you will continue to spend time with him

Yeah, so he said.

So far we've only interacted when we're trying to find something out about Retrospec. So as long as Retrospec keeps doing weird stuff, we're gonna keep talking to each other.

Also I invited him to my music gig next month but it's up to him whether he actually shows up or not.

detectives !
investigators ?

music !!
he will be there if he can dance i think
what music do you like
are you a singer ?
instrument ?
more dance ?

[she's a little excited but you're talking to a new aspiring idol so]

[ Oh god what has he stumbled into now ]

I mostly listen to/play emo and punk rock. I sing and play guitar for my band. I don't dance, though.

[a literal popstar]

sing and play ?
i want to hear !
can i ?

Sure. Here:

[ This is a link to his soundcloud, a band called "A Lyrical Assassination." Right now there's only one song, it's called "...And Nobody Understands" and sounds a lot like this would, if it were a slightly different song. ]

[holy shit look at this punk emo kid rock

still anya listens to it and - it is nothing at all like what she performs or expects but]

i like it
the sound is very honest
did you write it ?
is this how you feel ?

[ what else could you have possibly expected tbh ]

I wrote, sung, and performed it.

If it wasn't how I felt, I wouldn't have made it in the first place.

[anya likes to assume sunshine and starlight unless otherwise corrected]

the feelings are
complicated ?
but it is good that they are said

[she just. can't relate. but she's trying!!]

That's the idea. "Better said than acted upon."

[ At least that's what his dad and all his old counselors used to say. He only started believing it might have some truth to it recently, when he started writing these lyrics/poetry. ]

who said that ?

[that's what quotation marks mean right]

I don't know, a bunch of people. It's a saying.

i did not know that one
i will remember it !
thank you

[ she's so happy about learning?? a single saying?? how is she even real. ]

It's just a phrase, you don't have to thank me for it.

[because she's just a naive little girl]

when you are happy for something
then it is good to say thank you
that is what mama says
easy

I'm guessing you say thank you a lot, then.

i do !
i am glad for it

Well I'm never happy, so I'm never going to say thank you again.

!!
you are not ?
why not ?
can i help ?

What? No, that's just the way life is. Happiness is fleeting and pain is the only real constant of existence, you know.

~~[ I want to emphasize how hard it is to write these tags and not just paste in a thousand edgelord memes instead ]~~

i do not know
happiness is everywhere if you look
ask nicely
are with good people
even when things are not good
that is not for always

(no subject)

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