Point of Order

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa shared a photo. 5/11 near Recolle Police Station

So. A few things. First. Dave! I want my membership card! Talking robot spider tank with a grenade launcher. Apologies to Koutarou for stealing some of his modeling clay to make my toy up there. I still remembered nothing about myself, though, so the betting pool is still open. Anyone who wants in on the 'What Is Togusa Repressing' pool, let me know. I think the odds on 'samurai' just got a lot longer, though. The second thing is a little more important. A few of us made it into the subway, which is supposed to be shut down, the lines were damaged. The trains sure aren't running, but either it's shut down intentionally, or someone has taken advantage of it. Throughout the line connecting Enprise to Tisse, there are these QR codes all along the floor. They're those things you can scan with your phone to see a picture or other information. Scanning them didn't get any data, though. The other area I went through, I don't even know how to explain what I saw. Try going to the middle of town. Next time, I ought to bring a camera with me. I know that as soon as I post this up, Retrospec will probably try to lock it all down even tighter than they already have. But seeing as how I was assuming that's how they were getting things through the city without us noticing? If we can make them stop using it, I'll call that a victory.

Comments

[frostythehitman]

I still don't buy it. People would notice chickens streaming out of the subway, and Retrospec is so weird they probably have some other totally crazy way of doing it. I wouldn't be surprised if they literally had UFOs and abducted all the horses and dropped chocobos in.

What's your beef with horses, though? You got history with them?

[standalonehuman]

Horses are walking death traps. Both for the person riding them and the horse themselves. They are dumb, but far stronger and bigger than you, so they're just going to go any direction that they want and you can't really control them. Those reins? Are an illusion. At best. At worst they are one more way to keep you strapped in to an equine death rocket that you cant escape from.

And if anything goes wrong with them, there's just about no treating it! If they can't stay standing up, they're going to end up dying one way or another. And that's not even their fault so it's heartbreaking. They seem so big, you don't realize how fragile they really are.

[frostythehitman]

Oh my god man, whose horse died and collapsed on top of your chicken?

[standalonehuman]

Ugh, now I have to explain.

So in the Academy, you can get some kinds of specialized training, based on what area you're planning to go into. Highway Patrol and traffic cops get a lot more driving lessons, that sort of thing.

What with my schedule, I had to pick between motorcycle driving and horseback riding. And that turned out to be one of the worst decisions I have ever made.

[frostythehitman]

Oh my god I was joking! Your police horse really did die and collapse on top of your chicken?

What do you even do as a cop on a horse? It's not the wild west anymore, what's the point?

[standalonehuman]

Crowd control situations. You'll see them come out at events and festivals and parades, too, just because they're easier to get through people than a car or bike.

Which is another vote in favor of the birds because I think they're better at that job, too! Least if they panic, they're not big enough to take out a whole bunch of people with them.

[frostythehitman]

Horses and chickens are easier to maneuver in a crowd than a bike? No way.

Plus, I cannot take people riding on overgrown chickens seriously. I don't know how you guys expect to get any respect on those things.

[standalonehuman]

Luckily I dont have to find out: I failed the course so hard they know better than to ever put me on Mounted patrol.

But it really does work. For some reason people just get out if your way when you're on a horse faster than if you're on a motorcycle. Walking death traps, it's the intimidation factor.

[frostythehitman]

A horse is more of a death trap than a motorcycle?

[standalonehuman]

Yes. A horse is a double death trap, because if anything goes wrong, it could hurt the rider, and if the horse gets hurt in any way, it's probably going to die. Depressing, but true.

[frostythehitman]

Jesus.

Why even bother with horses at all if they're such a a hassle, then?

[standalonehuman]

This is why I like the birds better!

It gets worse when you realize that wild horses usually have a lot fewer health problems. So when our ancestors first domesticated horses, this was probably a lot more reasonable of an idea. But then years upon years of selective breeding? It's just like domesticated anything: breeding for certain characteristics that aren't the best for the animal's health has led to genetic and chronic health problems.

[frostythehitman]

How do the birds make this any better? They're also just giant animals who might freak out in a crowd.

[standalonehuman]

Chocobo: barely outweighs a large human, hitting 200 kilos is rare. Panicks in a crowd, easily stoppable.

Horse: can weigh up to 1,000 kilograms. Panicks in a crowd, good luck.

[frostythehitman]

So what you're saying is, I could tackle a berserk chocobo?

[standalonehuman]

..........My apologies.
I forgot I was talking to a teenager.
You and the Izunias retain the unique ability to take anything I say and magically transform it into the worst idea possible

[frostythehitman]

What? I was asking for public safety reasons!

[standalonehuman]

Then let me change my answer to 'please don't try it.'

If you try it anyway, I promise I'll record the results.

[frostythehitman]

Record the results for scientific purposes, or for criminal record purposes?

[standalonehuman]

For YouTube purposes.

[frostythehitman]

Okay, now that I can get behind.