[video] forward dated to 9/13

[appraiser]

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.




( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

Comments

[appraiser]

[ They mean well, but people keep making promises they can't for certain keep, and it takes every Ryoji has to not shut himself down and say not to do that. So he just leans over and buries his face in Shuji's shoulder again, because processing all of what happened is on himself, not his friend. ]

I'll do my best. And you too... having to cope with somebody almost- sort of- dying.

[thesettingsun]

I'll do what I can. Don't want to worry you too much.

[Ryoji has enough troubles without worrying about people worrying about him.]

[appraiser]

It's easier to worry about others than yourself. Worrying is... caring. That's what my— [ He breaks off, stiffening a little, then shakes his head. ] That's what Yuuko used to say to me.

[thesettingsun]

...You should care about yourself, too, you know.

[Maybe that's why Ryoji worries about others first.]

[appraiser]

I did enough of that when I was younger.

[ Caring for himself, he equated with selfishness, and that with the source of many people's problems and burdens as they'd come to help and support him. It's not something he wants to go back to. ]

[thesettingsun]

If there's an age where you're supposed to stop caring about yourself, it's news to me. And I'm older than you, so there.

[appraiser]

Are you older than me? 19?

[ He'd never stopped and thought about people's ages before. There's an age where people are supposed to stop crying too, but look at the both of them. ]

[thesettingsun]

I'm twenty-five, Ryoji.

[When he's older he'll be more grateful to look younger than he is...]

[appraiser]

...I'm almost twenty, so that's only five years.

[ bridge the gap a little ]

No, I suppose it doesn't matter. I don't think I'll see twenty anyways.

[thesettingsun]

[How do you even answer that? Can you tell someone they won't die when they just did? Can you tell them you'll keep them safe when you can't do anything helpful?

Shuji doesn't know what to say. He holds Ryoji tightly enough that it might hurt.]

I don't want you to die.

[appraiser]

[ Wait, nonono no—- Ryoji squirms out of Shuji's grasp. ]

Sorry, that was phrased badly. I meant more that I won't be getting any older. I'll only just ever be me, as I am now, like this.

[thesettingsun]

Oh.

[Well, that's embarrassing.]

Does it matter that much if you won't be twenty physically...?

[appraiser]

Yes. No. ...I don't know.

[ It doesn't matter a lot, but. ]

I've always imagined, you know... Growing old together with somebody. Growing up with people in general. Not being left behind.

[thesettingsun]

I think most people expect to age at a normal rate...

[It doesn't usually cross your mind that you might stop being human.]

But we're not gonna leave you behind. Even if people look at us funny for hanging out with you when we're old and wrinkly.

[appraiser]

[ It would be great if the rest of the game could stop being human and regain immortality with him. ]

...I'll have to watch you all die.

[thesettingsun]

Not yet.

[He wishes he could say that won't happen to Ryoji, but... he can't promise that even if he wants Ryoji not to have to feel that pain.]

...I can't do anything about that, but we're not dying anytime soon. Okay?

[appraiser]

Okay.

[ But after everything that happened last month, he sort of doubts. He doesn't know what happened in Recollé during the month that his group had missed, but if something like the monster attacks following the convention happens again...

Recollé is going to burn, and he wants his optimism back. ]

Okay. [ He repeats the word, stronger this time, with more feeling. ] Things are going to be okay. People keep telling me that, and I want to believe it again.

[thesettingsun]

Things are going to be okay. They're already better. The monsters are gone, and you're alive again, and things will be fine.

[He wants so badly for Ryoji to have his optimism back.]

[appraiser]

[ "They're already better." That's true. There was more than one time in his life where he'd sat there, convinced that this is the worst that it gets— and life always got better. It would dip down again, but would always come up too; that's just the nature of the world, self-destructive and self-healing but all the stronger for it.

Even though he's not "alive" alive, he's here. Even though he doesn't believe the monsters are gone forever, they're gone for now. So he stands now, and dries his eyes on his sleeves, tries to breathe so his voice doesn't shake. ]

Do I look okay? I don't want people to know I've been crying.

[thesettingsun]

You can hardly tell, I wouldn't know if I hadn't been here.

[Maybe there's still some redness around the eyes, but there's not much Ryoji can do about that.

Shuji stands up after Ryoji does, not wanting to say goodbye just yet.]

[appraiser]

That's good.

[ He doesn't move where he stands either, not knowing how to say goodbye, and not ready to say hello to anybody else. ]

...I want to be able to greet people with a smile, but that's not being very considerate of their feelings, is it?

[thesettingsun]

...I guess not. I don't think you can get them to act like everything's okay even if you do smile.

[It's not a simple 'welcome back', even if they'd all like it to be.]

[appraiser]

Why is dying so complicated...

[ Things he never thought he'd say ]

I guess I'll just have to face people and be at their mercy.

[thesettingsun]

I don't think dying and coming back to life was ever going to be simple, Ryoji.

[He's kind of concerned Ryoji thought it was??]

[appraiser]

Coming back to life is what makes it complicated. [ but before Shuji can interject- ] I'm not saying it's a bad thing it happened, or that I wish I hadn't! It's just... complicated.

[ So many things he wouldn't have to deal with on the account of staying dead. But the chance to get to push through hardships again, he wouldn't give that up. ]