retrospec | [video] forward dated to 9/13

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.

( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

yeah. that girl has been through so damn much the past few weeks, from the cremation and funeral to everything else. I never, ever, want to see her go through that again, you got me?

And I fucking missed you too, dammit.

I brought you some sprite

...i didn't know. i wasn't aware of that, or anything, in the time i was gone. selfishly, i only took care of myself
i won't ever leave. i won't ever disappear. i want to promise these things so badly, terra
i missed you too
i missed sprite
i missed having people i could talk to and be with and not need to be the only one who can take care of myself

good. She needs you around. And i need a friend like you, too.

Do you even know what happened? You're saying very strange vague things that make it sound like you were hiding in purgatory or some shit
It seems like you don't really know

It's fine if you dont wanna talk about it, it was probably pretty dramatic
That sprite probably didn't get to you wherever you are

So ill bring it over when you feel like having me as company

i don't mind talking about it
i just
i can say what happened, but i don't know why or how and i don't know whether it's something i need to work out, or simply be grateful that it happened, accept the second chance and stop questioning because it won't come again
but whenever you want, please come keep me company
i said up there, right? i miss people like you

i still barely understand what that means but i feel like we at one point mutually agreed to not beat ourselves up about shit and given that you went and died and came back i think you should just try to release yourself of whatever the hell you need to feel so bad or selfish about

I think whatever's missing will come to you natural if you just chillax

People like me, so not me specifically?
Damn thats cold ryo

you specifically!!! *and* people like you, but none of them can make "chillax" sound like such great advice
but you're right, we did agree to forgive ourselves, even if it's hard, or undeserved
let me start with this: i don't think my death was the death of a soul, or a life. it was the sort of death that comes from forgetting- i think i made myself forget, and that makes my death my fault

I'm going to level with you, man, i dont think that I'm neccesarily smart enough to be able to keep up with whatever you're saying happened. I dont know how dying could be your fault, or how you could die by forgetting stuff. Reality is weird now and i guess we just have to accept that, but i guess I'm glad you realized you wanted to come back? No offense but it would've been kind of a dick move if you had just stayed dead i think I'd be pretty mad about that

haha that's my fault, i don't think i'm explaining it very well
it would probably be easier if i showed you— not the dying, but the 'what i think happened'
or it might just be more confusing
reality's *been* weird, so i don't know

show me?? Okay i guess

Where even are you right now, anyway

i went back to my old apartment, where i had lived with my mother
but i can meet you wherever convenient
somewhere not public preferably

uh. I can just come over there, if you want

I dont know

Would that be weird?

haha going over to a friend's house wouldn't be weird at all
i'll text you the address

[Several texts and minutes later~-~-~-Knock knock!]

Terra will be standing in the doorway with a smile, setting down the bag he's carrying to give Ryoji a hug as soon as he opens the door.]

Hey, Terra!

[ It's a full bear hug that Ryoji pulls him in, the first real hug he's been able to give in almost a month and a half now and he just. doesn't let go, as if this is the only hug he'll get for another month and a half and he wants to make it last. ]

[Terra can't help but laugh and smile at Ryoji's enthusiasm. With his strength, Terra bends back a bit to lift Ryoji off his feet as he hugs him, then walking forward until they're suitably inside before placing Ryoji's feet back on the ground.]

So glad to see you again, you have no idea.

[ It's been— he can't even place a number for how many years it's been since he'd been lifted like this, a short laugh escaping his mouth in surprise as he's carried across the threshold. It's not something his parents ever did, and it's not something his friends do either, not one except Terra at this very moment. ]

I just got done being a kid, and now I feel like one all over again.

You're basically still a kid, to me, at least. [And honestly, he wasn't even quite sure what that comment meant, but it doesn't really matter, he's just happy to see his friend alive and well. After a while longer, Terra releases him and gives him a pat on the head.]

Next time you're in trouble, I'll be there for you, Ryoji. I promise.

[ Ryoji laughs a little at the head pat, a gesture he hasn't received much of even as a child, but it isn't a very happy laugh. His early introduction to death isn't something any child should have to face, and as if making up for lost time, the rest of his adolescent years were spent being childish and carefree and insistant that if he can create happiness around him, he won't have to deal with that pain ever again.

And look where that got him. ]

Thanks, Terra. If... that sort of situation were one where I could call people over and help... I'd be glad if you'd come.

[ But he doesn't take the promise. Realistically, what had happened last month was something nobody could help, hidden away from the rest of the world as they were. ]

[video] forward dated to 9/13

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