retrospec | [video] forward dated to 9/13

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.

( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

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[ Okay, so honestly, this is the most valid reaction to a dead person making a video post, but Ryoji is similarly ill-equipped to provide a valid response to "WHAT THE FUCK," so he fumbles a bit with his thoughts and eventually settles with an almost sheepish ]

Hi, James.

[ and waits for James to reply with something else that is easier to respond to. ]

[ Oh, sure, "hi, James", as if nothing happened at all!! He wants to throw his phone out the damn window. He wants to throw it off the damn planet and let it escape Earth's orbit and become the next NASA probe to Jupiter. ]

Were you even dead in the first place, or were you just faking it while the rest of us threw you a goddamn funeral?

[ The reply went from "hard" to "impossible" in the matter of seconds, James' anger and frustration palpable and justified as Ryoji stares down at his screen. What happened to him, could that even be counted as death? Does faking have to be intentional to count as faking? Who in the world cared enough about him to attend a goddamn funeral? ]

it depends on how you want to define death
what you believe in the finality of it
or if you can believe that i was death all along

but it's not something i would ever fake
why would i fake my own death and put anybody through something as terrible as a funeral...?

[ Technically speaking, James does read the second half of Ryoji's reply. But the first half has him seeing red so much it doesn't really register in his mind at all. ]

OOOOHHHHH MY GOD

NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR PSEUDO-PHILOSOPHICAL THEORIZING ABOUT WHAT DEATH """"""IS"""""

"you were death all along" what does that even MEAN ryoji

Just answer the question, one letter: were you actually dead, y/n?

[ Well. The fight seems to instantly evaporate from his body and now he feels shitty for grilling Ryoji like that. The guy was dead, he deserves a little more kindness. ]

Okay.

How the hell did you come back? I mean. We scattered your ashes.

...james.
who did you burn?
i shouldn't have had a body to burn

[ WHOSE CORPSE DID YOU PULL OUT OF THE MORGUE AND SET ON FIRE??! he knows nothing about the ceremonial cremation, i'm sorry ]

What.

What is that even supposed to MEAN, Ryoji.

I don't know who we burned, I didn't actually do it myself! I just know there was a pile of ashes and we all thought they were yours.

i mean i need to talk to whoever burned the body, because it's impossible for that to have been me
don't you need to check dental records or something to identify bodies?
there shouldn't have been that sort of mistake

What, so you died but your body just disappeared?

Corpses don't just vanish, Ryoji.

i'm ~*~*special*~*~ apparently...
in that i'm not human anymore
my body isn't
i think if you cut off my arm right now,
it would also just fall apart and disappear?

[ He had a follow-up question ready about if Ryoji faked his own death for some reason but this just completely obliterates it. ]

what

you're not HUMAN?

So you look like a person but then you just DISINTEGRATE?

There's no way you vanished into thin air and died and then came back fully formed like some weird fully grown stork baby.

yes
yes
and no- the order is different: i died first and then vanished into thin air and then came back
but not fully grown
nor as a bird

I meant stork baby like the stork delivered you, not that you're the actual--ugh whatever

So after dying you just...disappeared? Like the monsters we fought all month?

babies don't come from storks...
i suppose so, yeah
i bleed black and everything

...
did you guys ever figure out what was up with those monsters?
am *i* one of those monsters??

Well none of them bled black, I can say that right now. And all we figured out about them is that they're part of those reality twists that people got sucked into. They probably disintegrated because they don't belong here in this reality.

But seriously, bleeding BLACK??? Please tell me you went to a doctor.

i can list so many things that don't belong here in this reality
and yet they're still here...
but i'm glad the monsters are gone at least

i saw a doctor back in may
i'm ok

...have you been bleeding black since May?

um
i mean, i'm assuming so
i didn't get stabbed until june to know for sure
so since then at least

How the hell did you get STABBED??

What else have you not been mentioning?

with a sword
look! i'm sorry! these aren't things that i could just... bring up in casual conversation

[ a SWORD? what in fresh hell ]

At this point I'm just amazed you didn't die earlier.

honestly, me too
i thought i would have died many times over by now
but i guess i'm just lucky?
or immortal
i don't know

So exactly how dead/immortal/stabbed were you when I was teaching you how to throw a football?

those seem to me like all-or-nothing qualifiers, but
i would say not dead, possibly immortal, and stabbing was in the past

but i was really happy to learn from you
i had a lot of fun back then

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