retrospec | (no subject)

Of course it's fine, dude. I just... [ a shrug. ] ...I wanted to be sure you were at least halfway okay. I know how gettin' scars back from before can...fuck you up a little?

... I think I might be somewhere like 25 percent okay right now.

Are you okay? [Don't think he missed that.]

I'm...doing better this month than I was last month...?

[ for specific reasons, but. ]

You learn to deal with the scars. It's how you got them that fucks you up, right?

Last month was a disaster.

... It's like you're talking from experience.

I won't pry.

I don't have anythin' that visible.

[ dave gestures to shouto's face.

but then, he hasn't worn anything but long sleeves and pants for all of this summer. so. ]

Mm...

Did you get the scars before or after the memories?

...After.

Then we're in the same boat.

... There's nothing easy about those memories. Even without the scars.

Yeah. The kinds of memories that come with that kinda bullshit are...

[ ... ]

Less than fun.

[There's a little huff- almost a laugh.]

That's putting it lightly.

I just wanted to see if you were...yeah. Have you been...changing? Like, inside. Emotionally. How you think?

... I... That's kind of hard to tell.

There are... people I trust more. Even though I haven't known them that long. But I have memories of them. [And the fondness feels real. It's hard to tell what counts as his feelings anymore.]

I know the feeling? There's...my best friend, he's here now. I remember him, years worth of being friends, but we've only known one another...a month? Here.

... Yeah.

I don't think I knew this guy for longer than a few months in my memories. But... he's important to me. I don't even know why he's so important yet. I'm grateful I know him. Here and there.

It's weird, isn't it? But I...at least that part of shit is good. I mean, I think it can be good.

It's probably the part I'm... most okay with. The rest of it I could do without.

Thing is, I...even though there's shit I hate, I think it was real. All of it? And I keep wanting to know. You know?

It feels real. It seems so impossible, but it feels real.

And if... that was the life I knew before... I want to know about it. Even as much as I hate it.

... Something like that?