When It's Late and Cold and the Dreams and Fog Get Old

[feistytrader]

Go on, try me. One of my roommates comes to me for advice all the time, and I'd say he's a pretty satisfied customer. I mean, just today he asked me how many flowers is too many flowers and I told him that if he had too many, he could always sacrifice a few to spread some petals on his bed. I'm sure his boyfriend would get a kick out of that. I couldn't tell you if he liked that or the flower crown suggestion better.

Anyway, I mean it. If you've got any questions, I come equipped with an honest, expert answer for any situation.

[Nothing about his advice is expert, but he can do honest... Or at least stupid. Whatever helps him procrastinate on getting to sleep.]

Comments

[roseblooms]

Unfortunately, yes.

You don't really think about what three hundred roses actually amounts to until you open the door to your classroom and there, on every available surface and parts of the floor, are three hundred roses waiting for you.

[feistytrader]

[Holy shit.]

Was someone trying to give you a truly obnoxious display of their affections, or were they for something else?

[roseblooms]

I assume there was some ultimately nefarious purpose to it, but I think it was less about affections and more just that I was a convenient scapegoat.

[feistytrader]

How nefarious can you get with a bunch of roses?
I mean, oh no, you might need to get the broom?

[roseblooms]

Have you ever tried to throw three hundred roses in the garbage?

[feistytrader]

I'm sorry. I've realized my mistake.

[roseblooms]

I genuinely can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not so I hope you're being serious.

[feistytrader]

I'm being completely serious. I think the only way that wouldn't phase someone is if they worked in food service.

[roseblooms]

Few things faze someone who works in food service, do they.

No, honestly the worst part is the dirty looks people give you when they catch you making the disposal. It's as though you're throwing away someone's heart, not their misguided flora.

[feistytrader]

I mean I guess you could have given them away. Or tried to resell them... But I'm not sure the work would be worth the payoff.

And more importantly, that's no one else's business.

[roseblooms]

Do you by any chance want some roses?

I know a fellow who happens to have a surplus.

[feistytrader]

[...You know, he could just give a direct and sincere answer, or he could-]

Are you coming onto me, or is this a malicious gift?

[roseblooms]

Who says it can't be both?

[feistytrader]

Then I'd definitely like a few. That sounds like a risk I'm willing to take.

[roseblooms]

You say "a few", forgetting that I have three hundred to get rid of.