retrospec | (no subject)

Derek Matthews shared a video.
11/4 near Tisse

[The video open to Derek with a serious face. When he starts speaking, it comes out in a English accent. (ooc. The clip is mildly spoilery for Season 3 of The Flash).]

So... it's been two days and I think I've calmed down a bit. I've spoken to a couple of people about it, but I'd like to know if anyone else has had to deal with this. I know on this app people have acquired entire languages, such as Japanese and Russian, however, I have yet to come across someone who has received an entire accent.

I am originally from England, but once I moved to America I completely lost it and I've been speaking with an American accent since... until now I guess.

[Derek pauses for a second before speaking again.]

Bloody hell, please tell me I'm not the only one who has had to deal with this?

[Derek attempts to speak in an American accent but comes out horribly with a really bad southern flair to it.]

I can't even do a proper American Accent anymore!

[Derek reverts back to his English accent.]

I sound like a complete tosser!

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Sure, why not you weirdo.

[He's standing up. And throwing on a jacket. Oh dear.]

Stay put. I'll be back in ten minutes with confetti.

Wait... are you serious?

[Derek leans back against his couch.]

Hmm... I suppose I'm in the weird corner of the app.

Says the guy with a magical accent.

[It's his last quip before he takes off.

Exactly twelve minutes later, he's back on the app, and yes, he's ripping open a small bag of rainbow confetti.]

You're late. You said ten minutes, it's been twelve. It rude to keep someone waiting.

[Obviously Derek doesn't care, he is just curious on how to get under Kamui's skin. He's just getting started in the discovery process.]

We already established I'm a sadist. Maybe I did it on purpose.

[No, he didn't.

But he's just as unfazed by the chiding as he's been toward everything else so far. Punctuality, it turns out, is not one of his weaknesses. That long braid hanging over his shoulder though? Who can tell.]

Besides, I come bearing actual confetti. [Riiiip goes the bag, sending several of the confetti pieces flying into his hair.] You should be celebrating.

[Derek slow claps and speaks in a monotone voice.]

Yay... I've met another sadist.

[Derek stops clapping.]

This is like my what... hmmm, I've lost count. Why? Because I'm a CSI and I meet sadists all the time. Pray tell what makes you different than other sadists?

[Kamui immediately pulls a face. Combined with the rainbow confetti though, his grimace is a bit unbalanced.]

Seriously? You're CSI? Gross. Now I have to go take a shower.

Gross? I beg your pardon? That's rude.

Yes. It was. Did you use your CSI detectiving skills to figure that out?

[This sarcastic acknowledgement is the closest thing Derek's getting to an apology.]

I'm not a fan.

You not a fan of CSI or not a fan of cops? Most people forget that I am not a cop.

What are you then? A Cranky Subpar Intern?

Listen here you brat. I'm the person who processes the evidence found at the scene of a crime. Without me, a cop couldn't even do their job.

So let them trip over their own damn shoelaces a few times! Give us a show every once in a while. Y'know, something worth watching.

Solving a crime and putting a criminal behind bars isn't something worth watching to you?

Depends on the criminal.

[Derek shrugs.]

Fair enough. But we aren't here for your entertainment, we're here to keep you safe. So, if you want entertainment, go watch one of those horribly inaccurate crime tv shows.

Those are way worse, and you know it. Even I know they're all bullshit, and I used to think fire extinguishers had firemen in them.

Besides, if your job is to keep guys like me safe, you need a better job. It's never gonna be worth it.

[Derek tries but fails to suppress a laugh.]

What? You actually thought a fire extinguisher had a fireman in them? Wow...how in the...why? WOW!

[Derek takes a few breaths to calm himself down.]

And in the log run my job is worth it. It's obvious you've have bad experiences with people associate with law enforcement, which is a pity, because the people whom I work with actually care about their job and what their job represents.

I just learned that people around here have super strength and time travel powers. The day is coming when I will get to see a fireman come out of an extinguisher. It will be the best day of my life.

[A beat, as he considers his recent exposure to the Retrospec app.]

Maybe the second best day of my life will be the day a man of the law makes sense.

How the bloody hell am I not making sense? What do you do anyway? Are you a student, part-time worker, a bum?

I make weapons!

[No, seriously.]

[Derek's eyebrows crease in concern.]

Come again?

Knives, swords, that sort of thing. I design them.

Huh, how did you get into that line of work if yo don't mind me asking?

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