(no subject)

[feistytrader]

Christmas Song Hall of Shame

Brought to you by my boss, who has been playing nothing but Christmas music for a week straight.

This is not a song, this is some sort of subliminal brainwashing. Maybe I'm not having a wonderful Christmas time, but I sure am hearing it repeat in my head for every waking moment of the rest of my life.

It's not even the first day of Christmas yet. Your true love has a horrible taste in gifts if you can't tell us what they got you in less than four minutes.

On what qualifications are we saying it's the most wonderful time of the year? It's freezing. Everything is sold out as people scramble to pick it up for Christmas Presents. Customers everywhere are stupider and more entitled than usual. I'd say it's a hellscape, but it's too damn cold.

Rudolph got bullied by all of his friends for looking different until he was useful to them. They couldn't even come up with a second verse for this song. I'd like to know about Rudolph's claim to fame and sudden inspiration from Cee Lo Green. Actually, here's a pallet cleanser.

This one isn't too bad but it gets a special mention anyway.

[Looks like he's not explaining that one.]

Here's a pitch for a new Christmas song. "All I Want For Christmas Is An All Expenses Paid Tropical Vacation." I'd like to taste things again, too, but that's not a unique or Christmas targeted complaint.

Comments

[twostringsonebow]

Can you pick up some more lights? The kitchen needs some more color.

[feistytrader]

You've made enough of an atrocity out of our apartment already.

[twostringsonebow]

How dare you. It's called being in the spirit of the holidays, and be thankful I didn't wake you for the initial decorating.
Bring home a wreath, then. I want to put it on our door. Make sure it's large and pretty.

[feistytrader]

Holiday cheer wasn't something covered in our lease. You'll have to find a wreath somewhere else.

[twostringsonebow]

I would offer gingerbread cookies in exchange, but my bribes are now useless.

[feistytrader]

They are. Say goodbye to the one good thing about your crummy holiday.

[twostringsonebow]

I'm dropping coal in your room.

[feistytrader]

Please don't put something flammable in my room.
Or any of your decorations.

[twostringsonebow]

I'm decorating your door whether you like it or not.
Also, you have several friends that can put out fires. I'm throwing coal in there for your present. You're a naughty boy, Silver.

[feistytrader]

Tell me something I don't know.

[twostringsonebow]

Be a little kinder, won't you? There truly is nothing wrong with the holiday season, and I am going to ask that you're present the day of or before Christmas so you can receive your gifts.
After that, you may do as you wish.

[feistytrader]

Didn't I already tell you? Lower your expectations.

[twostringsonebow]

My expectations of you can't go any lower as is, so that's impossible to ask.

[feistytrader]

If you put it like that, I'm going to consider it a challenge.

[twostringsonebow]

You're more than welcome to try, but I don't think Miss Velveteen would approve of whatever you have in mind to decrease the bar six feet under.